Title: Jay Upon a Midnight Clear
Name: Kelandris the Mad (kel@crazysheep.net)
Pairing: Jay/Bob
Holiday theme: This is all I was able to do with the nearly escaped "roasting chestnuts" idea. It's not enough.
Rating: R due to language and the boy-boy moments. It's not NC-17, though. (More's the pity.)
Disclaimers: All hail the Kev. We respect his art and the works of his head. We intend no disrespect, we're just (really really really) ardent fans. *Poor* ardent fans.
Summary: Bob dreams of the holidays. And Jay.
Warnings: Language warning, some boy-boy stuph, ear-licking. Hair fetish moment. :) That's about all.
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Silent Bob was almost disappointed when he learned it was a dream.

Not that it took that fuckin' long, all things considered. He was weirded out by being in the Santa Suit, and by having kids walk up and ask him for peace on Earth and armor-piercing ammo. But, on the other hand, he *had* worked the Santa gig in more than a few New Jersey malls in his time. In fact, it wasn't the request that was so odd, it was the fact there were so *many* kids in a row asking for the *same damn thing*.

Actually, no, strike that, it was when Jay reached the head of the line. And that's when he knew he was dreaming.

Jay stood there, patient and still--which was fuckin' unnatural to begin with--and he was wearing the little Santa-chick outfit, with fishnets and Docs and his hair in two long gleaming braids. That was bizarre enough, but then Jay--Jay in the red skirt and the big red bow around his skinny neck--hopped into his lap.

**This has got to be a dream,** Bob thought, and then Jay flung his arms around his neck, and leaned in close. He could smell pot and peppermint candy, beer and Juicy Fruit gum, and wasn't *that* a crack-headed combination? He blinked, shaking his head slightly, and Jay just grinned at him. Snapped his gum. Leaned in some more.

"Wanna know what *I* want, Santa?"

Bob swallowed. **Okay, it's a dream. But, what, I can't know what my subconscious thinks Jay wants? Come on, now. It's not like anything's gonna *happen*...**

He shrugged. He blinked again. He nodded.

"Gooood Santa," Jay purred. He settled in, wiggling, and that was the first time Bob realized Jay wasn't wearing pants. Just the fishnets, and those were stockings. Underneath was...all...bare...*Jay*...

His brain froze. Jay just giggled and nuzzled against his neck, like a cat. Or, y'know, a really affectionate blond stoner.

"Mmm, yeah..." Jay murmured. "Thass what I'm talkin' about...Wanna take you home, an' lick you everywhere the suit comes off, an' maybe toast your nuts in front of a roaring fire..."

**What??**

"Roasting...chestnuts..." he said, almost under his breath, shocked into words. Jay shook his head, one of his hands diving under the big black pleather belt and down the bright red pants. Bob stopped breathing for a minute when Jay grabbed his cock through the front of his briefs.

"Nah, I'm thinkin'...*these* are the nuts I wanna get all warm an' shit..." Jay licked the curve of his ear, and Bob shuddered in reaction.

"Oh, baby, *yeah*, I gots to get you *home*--"

And right about then, the bomber jets began to strafe the Christmas stage, and, well, it was all diving for cover and shooting back until he woke up.

"Shit!" he cried out. "Shit, shit, *shit!*"

He threw the covers off, glared at his dick, which was now more awake than he was and clamoring for attention. He walked--unsteadily--gritting his teeth--to the computer.

He started to breathe again when the web page for the Leonardo Mall still showed volunteers wanted for the holiday season, near the Christmas stage. He grinned maniacally as he typed in Jay's name and his own.

Hey. He might not get the pigtails, or the toasting nuts...but maybe, *just* maybe...he could get Jay in the little Santa-chick dress. That would be...enough, he thought.

**For now.**

END
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Kelandris the Mad
hark the herald angels