Title: Apologia Author: Darth Tira Grayce Fandom: Guess Pairing: Duh Rating: R for language, minor sexual situations. Disclaimer: A) only the muses are mine, and they think they own themselfs, B)Thermos is Jay and .starla.'s and C) I have debts, so if you want those, go ahead an take them, but I have no money. And I won't make any from this. Notes: I messed with Thermos a little. The Force is strong with that kitten. I admit it. I have stolen from at least two places with this one. The first being Bob using the Force in J&SBSB, and the second being modges Meeting of Minds, with it's telepathy. Apparently Jay can hear Thermos think. (And yes, Thermos is smarter than the average picnic basket.) *~*~*~*~* Jay looked around him at the squalid alleyway. He had come here seeking his "roommate" Silent Bob. They had been playing Tomb Raider, and Jay had made the mistake of saying that Lara Croft had a better butt than he did. Which led to Silent Bob storming out of the apartment, and, in turn, to Jay going out to search for him. "Silent Bob? Are you there?" Jay tried to look around the alley, without actually having to look at it. "What do you want?" came the sullen reply. "I was...worried. You shouldn't be out after dark you fuck. It ain't fucking safe." "Brought these." Silent Bob pulled his hands out of his jacket, displaying an impressive set of spiked brass knuckles. "So... what do you want to do?" "Well, not hang out with you is on the top of my list. I was considering going to a biker bar to see if I could pick up a one night stand. Care to join me?" "WHAT!?!?! FUCKIN' A MAN! A ONE NIGHT STAND? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING?" Jay stood there, chin bumping his chest, as Silent Bob pushed off from the dark alcove in the wall that he had been leaning in. "Well, what do you expect? You made it perfectly fucking clear that you are so thoroughly hetero you would rather pine after a digital image than your flesh-and-blood boyfriend. And to top it all off, you did it in the same room. After saying that you love him, I mean, how Holden McNeill are you?" Silent Bob strode past a stunned Jay, and blended into the crowd on the sidewalk behind him. Before Jay had a chance to recover from the insult, Silent Bob had disappeared so completely that he didn't even know which way he had gone. Well, he did say that he was going to a biker bar, so Jay set off in the direction of the seedy biker-bar district. *** *** *** The first bar he checked had no sign of his boyfriend, but was packed with other young men, all in strange costumes, and all anxiously looking toward the pool tables. Jay read a sign taped to the cue rack, "Dagoban Sex Acts, half price tonight only." He shuddered and exited to the alleyway that served as a street. The next three were not so disgusting, but still yielded no sign of Silent Bob. The fourth was the one that really got him. The bar was just like all the others, except it had a peculiarly familiar odor about the place. Then there was the name, Senate Strip. As Jay was standing there, Grinder started up over the sound system. "And now, our favorite performer, Mr. Robes, stripping to the tune of Grinder!! Let's all give him a big hand!" And with that, Jay was transfixed at the sight of his Congressman strutting on stage in full Sith robes, and proceeding to strip them off, in front of an ecstatic crowd. His gag reflex kicked into high gear, and he sprinted for the door. The next patrons walking were too stoned to notice the vomit on the step. "Hey, man, you think we missed that cute Mr. Robes dancer?" "If we did, we may still be able to catch him backstage." "Cool." By the twentieth club, Jay had forgotten precisely why he was out looking for Silent Bob, and not sitting home with him. Or better yet, lying home at home, naked with chocolate, with him. Coming to a dead end in the alley he was searching, he decided to give up, and go home to wait in front of their doorstep until he got home. When he reached their apartment, he listened at Silent Bob's door, to see if his Muscle had returned while he was out searching. Hearing nothing, he sat down facing the hallway with his back against the door to wait. *** *** *** "DAMN YOU Jay!!" The bellow startled him awake. It was coming from his bedroom. Jay stretched, and yawned. "What the Hell? What are you doing out here?" "Waiting for you to get home Lunchbox, that's what!" Jay spat, getting up. "Get home? I've been waiting for you, in YOUR bedroom. I thought you would maybe search a few clubs then come right home and apologize. But you didn't. Bitch." "Who the fucking bitch? I ain't wakin' people up fucking screamin'. And for your information I searched twenty biker bars for you, before I came home. Then I listened at your doorway, and slept here in the hall, you fuck. And now you tell me that you were in MY bedroom the whole time! Fuckin' cocksmoker!!!!" "Oh, poor Jay. When you're rational, and ready to apologize, then we'll talk." "Apologize? For what?" "Well, I don't know, for starters you insulted both my butt and our relationship, then you didn't even come home and make up. Pick a reason." Silent Bob stomped into his own bedroom. Jay stood in the hallway, unable to decide whether to bust down Silent Bob's door, or just stalk off into the living room, when the decision was made for him. Thermos rubbed against his ankles. //Think about it, hair boy. No more Friday nights, no more grocery shopping, no more Iggy Pop fests, no more kilts...// By the time he had finished the word, Jay was pounding on Silent Bob's door. "What? not done insulting me?" "I'm sorry, I'll never do it again, not on purpose, please forgive me!" *Bob raises eyebrows and blinks rapidly.* "I was wrong, and lying, your butt is much cuter than Lara Croft's! I swear, I will never compare you to a girl again, unless you want me to!" "Jay, are you okay? Did you take anything last night that I should know about? I mean, I know I asked you to apologize, but this is a little sudden." "I was inspired." Thermos smirked as Jay and Silent Bob disappeared into his bedroom. Silent Bob turned toward Jay as he kicked the door closed behind them. Pushing him up against the door, Silent Bob dug his nails into Jay's chest. Jay growled, but Silent Bob just grinned. He leaned into Jay, nipping the skin under his chin. Jay responded by scraping his teeth against Silent Bob's throat and ear, drawing a moan from him. "I swear, I will never leave you Bob. Cross my heart." Jay groaned. The End, unless someone can/will write their sex scene for me.