Title: Baby Kitties Author: Elizabeth Fandom: View Askewniverse, post-Chasing Amy Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob Rating: R for language, sexual themes, and drug use Status: New Archive: Certainly, if you want to. If you wouldn't mind e-mailing me to let me know that you're going to use it, I'd really appreciate it. Email address for feedback: euclid13@hotmail.com Series/Sequel: Hopefully. Beta: Many thanks to gracelessone for beta-reading this fic for me. Disclaimers: All characters belong to Kevin Smith. I promise I'm just borrowing them, and I'll give them back as soon as I'm done. I'm not making any money from this, and all things considered, I'm sure that nobody else will be, either. Notes: I suppose I should mention that while I'm not normally quite so concerned with how something of mine will be received, I'm a little touchy about the subject, because it's based on events (albeit drug-free events) that have happened to me, so go easy on me, ok? I really wrote it for myself, anyway; it's not like my story hasn't been told before - predominantly lesbian chick and straight guy fall in love, blah blah blah. In fact, I think some guy even made a movie about it once . Summary: A conversation with Alyssa sparks an identity crisis for Jay. Fingercuffs. Shit, I ain't thought about her since.... last week, at least. So she 'n Holden are broke up, but just last week they were all "in love" 'n shit. Last week. Last week when I asked her why she was datin' Holden, and she went all philosophical on me. My memory ain't the best, but I been hearin' those same goddamn words over and over again in my head all week. Did it ever fuckin' occur to her that maybe there's a reason I try not to think sometimes? "The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person that just *gets* you. It's so rare. And to cut yourself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating an entire gender, just because of who people expect me to sleep with? That just seemed stupid to me." An' before she even got it out of her mouth all the ways, I was thinkin' of Lunchbox. That one person that just *gets* you. Yeah. Kinda like that warm fuzzy feeling I get watchin' the baby kitties at the mall. Holy fuck. I don't just love the tubby bitch, I'm fuckin' *in love* with him. Yeah, right. Maybe all that weed's finally catchin' up with me. Noonch. I mean, shit, it can't be that. Nah... No.... No. .. no ... yes. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck! I am NOT gay. I'm NOT. I'm all about the pussy. Yeah. And anyways, so what if I *am* in love with him? It's not like we're gonna fuck or nothin'. And that's the only thing that'd change if I told him... right? I already know he fuckin' loves me - why else would he have put up with my shit for so long? Fuckin' ay! The tubby bitch is finally back from Quickstop. Time to kick back, drink some beers, and smoke some weed! I been thinkin' way too much for one day, anyways. So we roll a couple of joints and sit back to watch cartoons, like normal. "Hey, Lunchbox.. missed ya this afternoon." "Yeah, I missed you too, Jay." Shit, I guess weed has more of a disin... disin... shit, well, it sure as hell makes it easier to talk about stuff that's been botherin' me. "Hey, Lunchbox, I been thinkin'.. Sex is fucking over-rated. I keep thinkin' that if the chick is hot enough or I do it enough, or I dunno, something... that it'll start to be good. But it doesn't. So I been thinkin': What if I had sex with someone I love? But the problem is, even if I love some chick, she doesn't love me back, she loves the sex and the weed 'n shit, y'know? So I'm thinkin' that there *is* somebody who loves *me*, but if I start fucking 'em, then they'll just start loving me for the sex 'n shit, and they'll stop lovin' me for *me*, and then I'd be alone. But I'm already kind of alone because..." An' just like that, he's got his arm around me. Jesus, he's quick for bein' such a tubby motherfucker. "But it don't matter who you fuck, right? I mean, lovin' and fuckin' are two different things. So, I should have one person who loves me 'n just fuck other people, so's I don't lose the person who loves me. But then what's the point in fuckin' anybody if it's just gonna suck?" Aw, fuck, now he's gonna think I'm all gay 'n shit. Maybe if I just stare at the floor for long enough, he'll forget I said anything. "Jay, look at me. It's OK. I'm not going anywhere." "Sure, that's what you're sayin' now, but it always ends up a fuckin' disaster. All that 'love conquers all' bullshit don't even work, 'cause Fingercuffs was all in love with Holden last time I talked to her, and now they're broke up, an'... an' I just don't wanna lose you." "Well, we'll just make sure it ends differently this time." "Ya mean it, Lunchbox?" "Yeah, Jay, I mean it." Shit, Silent Bob's even better than baby kitties.