TITLE: BIG SHOCK AUTHOR: Hazelkerrie RATING: R (language) ARCHIVE: If you want to, but let me know when ites going PAIRING: JAY AND SILENT BOB SERIES: part one of the 'Love and Bluntz' series SUMMERY: JAY THANKS SILENT BOB THEN FREAKS NOTES: This is my first ever fic (im a fiction virgin), my demonic robot bunny, Noble, made me write it, he had me at carrot point. DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, Kevin Smith owns all. FEEDBACK: hazelkerrie@yahoo.com Bob sat at the kitchen table, the unlit cigarette forgotten in his hand. His mind was racing, but none of his thoughts would coalesce into full form, except for one. *Why?* He sat, reading the hastily scrawled note, that he had just found attached to the fridge again: Dear Bob, I'm sorry. I couldn't stay, not after what I did. I know you can never feel the same for me as I feel for you. I didn't want you to have to see me weeping like the little pussy I am, so I've gone. Goodbye Bob. I love you, I always will. Jay Xx P.S. I hope one day you can fro give me. ################################### (Yesterday) Jay sat on the sofa watching cartoons, while a constant stream of words fell from his lips. "Fuck Tubby, you'd think they could come up with some better ideas for cartoons. What ever happened to decent toons like Batman and the original X-Men, not that pussy-assed new one with them kids." *They're all on cable* thought Bob, who silently sparked up two cigarettes at one time. He handed one to the young blonde man to his right, who was apparently on a roll with this latest train of thought. "Fucking cable. Theys take all the best shows," he continued, taking the puzzled look from his bigger friend, " What the fuck yous staring at bitch?" Bob shook his head and turned back to watch the TV. No matter how often Jay did that, it still creeped him out. No one could read him like that boy could, not even his own mother. He was pulled form his thoughts by Jay hitting him on the shoulder. "Yo Lunchbox! Time to go to work." *Work* thought Bob, *Loosely translates as stand around all day outside Quick Stop*. He stood up and walked down the hall to get his trench. Jay was already halfway to the bus stop by the time Bob caught up and fell into step with him. "Hey Tons of Fun, we should rent some vids tonight man, there's fuck all on the tube, 'cept that one show 'Will and Grace', that show's fucking funny as hell," Jay spouted , and came to a sudden halt at the bus stop. *Will and Grace? What the fuck? When did Jay ever watch a sitcom about gay people?* Bob was once again wrenched from his thoughts as he slammed into the thin blonde. "Look where the fuck yous going tubby bitch!" cried Jay, rubbing his arm where the silent man had rammed him. Bob gave him a sorry look and signalled to him that the bus was arriving. They boarded, paid their fares and took up their usual positions either side of the back of the bus. During the entire journey they both remained silent. Once at the Quick Stop the usual daily routine began of Jay talking, selling smoke, Jay talking, Jay harassing Dante and Randal, Jay hitting on girls and Jay talking some more. And throughout all this, Silent Bob remained true to his name... Silent. ################################ By 3 o'clock Jay was growing more restless than usual. "Shit man, this sucks balls, " he ranted, "Four customers, all fucking day. A lousy sixty bucks, that's not even enough for beer and cigs for the next couple of days. Fuck it, lets go visit the baby kitties at the mall, maybe wes can get some more business." He looked to Silent Bob for his agreement, finding it, they began to walk back to the bus stop. When they arrived at the mall, the noisy young man was back in full 'obnoxious Jay' mode. "Yo Tubby, we should have come here first, " he said scanning the lower floor of the mall, "Check out all the honeys. Man those bitches are too fine!" he continued, pointing to a group of girls who were looking straight at them, giggling and blushing. Bob smiled at them, which only made them worse. For the second time that day he was hit on the shoulder by the mouthy blonde. "Cut that shit out, you fat fuck! I saw 'em first. Theys mine." And with that Jay went off in search of some tail, saying over his shoulder as he went, "Sees you at home." *Just fucking great* thought Silent Bob, *What the hell am I supposed to do now?* then smelling something suspiciously like pretzels, he made a beeline for the food court. ################################ Elsewhere in the mall Jay was macking on some peroxide blonde, to no avail. Why in the name of God in Heaven would I want to screw a little stoner fuck like you?" the woman said cruelly, "Who knows where you've been or what you've got!" Then she turned on her heel and walked away. "Yeah well fuck you, ya frigid bitch!" Jay bit back, "I'm too good for the likes of yous." He ambled over to the pet store and watched the kittens play. *At least yous guys still love me.* he thought to himself sadly. But it just wasn't the same, *All I want is someone who loves me, faults and all. Someone to hold me, and tell me I'm special. No one ever does that. And the one person I want most in the world to do it, never would, no, never could....* Jay shook that thought form his mind. *Shut the fuck up brain!* he told himself, *Thoughts like that get us fucking nothin', 'cept more pain, and the pain is not a friend.* He watched the kittens play and silently willed himself not to cry. ################################## Silent Bob stood in front of the new electronics store that had just opened, merrily munching his pretzel. His attention had been caught by a sign in the window: ******************** * * Cable TV * * Installation $25.99 First 3 month $14.99 p/m ********************* *Why not?* he thought to himself, *It'd make Jay happy*. Stuffing the rest of his pretzel in his mouth, and trying to suppress and inane grin, he walked through the door. Ten minutes later, he was riding home with the cable guy, who had offered to install it that very same day. Pleased with himself beyond belief, Bob could no longer keep the smile form his lips. "You got kids?" asked the cable guy. Bob shook his head. "Ah, so you getting this for the porn then? A man after my own heart." the man replied grinning. Bob turned a lovely shade of scarlet and continued looking out of the window. ############################### When Jay arrived home later that afternoon, he found Bob sat at the kitchen table, nursing a beer, with a strange grin on his face. "What yous smiling at you tubby bitch? You been blazing up without me?" Looking towards the heavens, Bob got up and motioned for his young friend to follow him. "What?" said Jay, confused. Bob pointed to the TV, but seeing he wasn't getting anywhere, picked up the remote and pressed the ON button. "What?" cried Jay. Feeling slightly miffed, Bob changed the channel to Nickelodeon, hearing the shocked gasp form the blonde, he turned to look him, smiling again. "No way. No fucking way!" shouted Jay excitedly, "You got cable? Fucking ay man. I love you!" he said, pulling Bob into a bear hug. Realising what he had just said, he sprang back, as if burned, "I mean..... I, I mean, you know, it's fucking cool and shit. Now we can watch decent toons and stuff." And threw himself on the couch. Bob, slightly dazed as to what had just happened, returned to the kitchen, grabbing a beer for Jay and retrieving his own then walked back into the living room and sat down. "Does this thing get porn?" asked the blonde his eyes dancing with glee as he reached for his beer. Nodding, Bob changed the station to the Playboy Channel. "Alright!" cheered Jay. And with that, they both settled in for some serious viewing pleasure. ############################## Some hours later, Bob had fallen asleep, and Jay was in deep thought. *I gotta do something to say thanks.*, he was in total contemplation mode now. (Hey this is a work of fantasy you know! It could happen!) *What can I do? What can I do?* his brow furrowed as he went through choices, *Flowers? Nah, too cheesy. Chocolates? Tubby bitch is big enough already. Oooooh! I wonder.....* and as this thought came to him, he looked towards the zipper on Bobs jeans. Bob was dreaming. He knew he was dreaming, and yet somehow it seemed so real and felt so fucking good. Even though he knew it could never be, knew in the deepest recesses of his heart, he could almost feel Jay's hot mouth on his dick. *No! Jay's not like that!* he told himself in his dreaming state. But still...... He knew he was close, he could feel that familiar tension deep in his stomach. Suddenly, remembering he was still sat on the couch, next to, literally, the man of his dreams, he forced his eyes open, and what his gaze met with was too much to process. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed the normally silent man, in a mixture of ecstasy and bewilderment as he came. At the sudden noise, Jay's head jerked up, his line of sight meeting directly with that of Bob's. "Oh fuck! Oh shit! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck!" spat Jay, looking panicked. And with that he bolted out the front door. ################################## After cleaning himself up, a very confused Silent Bob knew he had to find his friend. *Friend* thought Bob *Does Jay maybe want something more? No that would be too much to hope for. He was probably drunk or stoned.* With his mind racing, he headed for the door and walked out into the cool night air. Jay sat behind a rose bush, silently swearing to himself, as he watched Silent Bob walk down the street and get on a bus. *Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I just blew Bob. I. Just. Blew. Bob!* "FUCK!" he screamed at the stars, and with one fluid movement, he was on his feet and running back to the apartment. Bob tried everywhere he could think of; the Quick Stop, every bar they had ever been to, and a few more besides, the arcade. It occurred to him that maybe Jay had gone to the beach, and so hopped on the first bus to Asbury Park. Back at the apartment, Jay was packing what he could into a battered duffel, in-between collapsing on the floor in fits of tears. *Why? Why the fuck did I have to do THAT?* he berated himself silently. *Shoulda just gone with the chocolates.* He picked himself off the floor and got on with the task in hand. When he had jammed as much as he could into his bag, he retrieved a box from under his bed. Opening it, he took the cash he had saved, $1500, *Shit! Since when I become money conscious?* he thought. But what he found at the bottom of the box had fresh tears rolling down his pale cheeks. It was a strip of photos, taken at one of the little photo booths in the mall. Him and Bob making stupid faces. Things had been simple then, he loved Bob from afar, and Bob wasn't looking to blow his brains out with an Uzi. Jay stuffed the pictures in his pocket and stalked into the kitchen. Writing a short note, he placed it under a magnet on the fridge, turned around, picked up his bag, and left. ############################### Bob was walking along the beach, cursing under his breath. "Where the fuck is he? Why the fuck did he run?" he muttered. Thinking maybe Jay was back home by now, he made his was to the bus stop, only to find that the last bus he could've caught home had gone 10 minutes ago. "FUCK!" he wailed, "Five fucking miles to walk. Dammit!" and he started the long walk home. Jay sat at the bus station, clutching a one-way ticket to New York in trembling hands. Just as he was about to lose his bottle and head back home to whatever Bob had to dish out, the bus pulled in. It was packed, only one seat left, next to a little old lady. He took his place, the bus set off, and as he stared out of the widow, he whispered, "Goodbye Bob," before breaking down again. ################################# By 3 o'clock in the morning Bob had finally reached his destination. As he walked through the door felling utterly defeated, he comforted himself with the precious thought that maybe Jay was home already. He looked in Jay's room, no Jay. He looked in his own, nope. Trying the living room and still not finding the blonde bombshell, he shrugged out of his trench and wandered into the kitchen for a beer. As he moved to open the fridge, he noticed a piece of paper stuck to it, pulling it free, he grabbed a beer, sat down and snagged a cig from a battered pack of Nails. That cigarette would never be lit. ################################### Bob sat at the kitchen table, the unlit cigarette forgotten in his hand. His mind was racing, but none of his thoughts would coalesce into full form, except for one. * Why? * He sat, reading the hastily scrawled note, that he had just found attached to the fridge again: Dear Bob, I'm sorry. I couldn't stay, not after what I did. I know you can never feel the same for me as I feel for you. I didn't want you to have to see me weeping like the little pussy I am, so I've gone. Goodbye Bob. I love you, I always will. Jay Xx P.S. I hope one day you can fro give me. Bob read through the note a couple more times 'til his brain started working again. Then one thought emerged and screamed at him. *I've got to find Jay!!* *************************** you want more? Beg! hazelkerrie@yahoo.com or hazelwand@hotmail.com don't blame me the bunny made me do it!