Title: Bluntman and Chronic Strike Back Author: Jade Pairing: J/SB Rating: NC-17! WOO fuckin' HOO! Archive: Yep. Feedback: jade27_al@yahoo.com Disclaimer: Don't own Jay, Don't own Bob, Don't own Banky, Don't own Bluntman, Don't own Chronic, Don't own a Lime Green Volkwagen Bug, although I wish I did. Kev, Miramax, View Askew, and all them own all that stuff. Well.. I don't know about the VW Bug.. that belongs to Volkswagen. Summary: Bob screws Jay in a very uncomfortable place. Notes: Here you go starla, a break-the-car fic. Enjoy ^.^ ------------------------------------------------------- Jay sighed and looked around the convention hall. "Man Silent Bob, this is fuckin' retarded. Why the fuck did we agree to this?" He scowled, adjusting his bright red underwear looking thing and picking the white spandex out of his ass. "Bank said he'd pay us." Bob shrugged and shifted the bat-like helmet on his head. "He ain't payin' us enough." Jay scowled. "Why couldn't they get the fuckers from the flick anyway? They were actually in it." "Biggs is doing American Pie 3, and Van Der Beek is busy with 'The Creek'" Bob sighed and light up a cigarette. "Fuck this shit Silent Bob. Let's at least get some fuckin' food man. We've been at this freak show for 2 hours!" Bob nodded, then motioned to Banky over at his booth. Jay nodded and wandered over, pushing his mask up out of his face. "Yo, Banky man. Me an Tons of Fun are goin' to get something to eat. Where's our clothes?" "Hidden, so you fucks won't run off early." Banky smirked. "So I'd eat somewhere nearby if I were you. Next!" He handed the freshly signed comic to the fanboy in front of him. "Fucker." Jay growled, then stomped back to Bob. "The fucker hid our shit!" he exploded and snatched the cigarette dangling between Bob's lip, then promptly finished it off. Bob sighed and dug another one out of his utility belt as Jay dragged him out of the convention. "I can't believe this shit man." Jay scowled. "This is so fucked up. That bitch ain't payin' us nearly enough. I bet Biggs an' Van Der Beek are sitting on their asses laughing at us. Only fuckin' good thing about this is getting to see your ass in black spandex," he leered at Bob, who just snorted and rolled his eyes. "Seriously man." Jay grinned and pushed Bob up against a lime green Volkswagen Bug. "You're one sexy motherfucker." He nipped at Bob lips, then eyed the car. "Hey Bob.. wanna fuck me in a very uncomfortable place?" Bob lifted up his goggled and cocked an eyebrow at Jay, a grin plastered onto his face. "Yeah? Shit, I always knew you were a kinky fucker." Jay snickered, then opened passenger side door, which was very conveniently unlocked. He flipped the seat forward and climbed into the back seat, Silent Bob following and closing the door behind him. By the time he'd moved the seat back, Jay had already shed most of his costume, save the helmet, which he was working on. "Leave it on." Bob grinned and waggled his eyebrows, then grabbed the red boots. "These too." "Freaky fucker." Jay snickered, then obligingly pulled the boots back on as Bob struggled with his own costume, finally managing to get all but his helmet and coat off. "Fuckin' hurry it up Lunchbox." Jay peered out the windows. "'fore someone comes lookin to leave." Bob nodded, then pushed Jay back against the side, snickering as Jay smacked his head on the glass and cursed. Slowly they managed to get into some variation of a laying position, Jay with one leg bent up on the seat, and the other leg flung down on the ground, his head still scrunched against the side of the car's black interior. Bob chuckled slightly. "Yeah, yeah, yuk it up Giggles. Now let's get on with it!" Jay whined, writhing in the seat, cock standing at full attention. Bob just smiled at the squirming blond and plucked the bottle of hand lotion from the front of the car, thankful that the person who owned this car apparently had dry hands. It even smelled nice, cucumber and melon. He squeezed a good bit of the slick lotion onto his hand and covered his fingers, then dove his hand down between Jay's legs and set about opening his boy up, who didn't really need much preparation beyond dropping his pants. Jay groaned and pushed against the invading digits, trying to get his legs into a comfortable position in this small car, and not succeeding very well. Finally Bob was satisfied, and Jay was almost crying with want. Bob squeezed a bit more lotion into his hand and rubbed it over his cock. "Yesyesyesyesyesyes oh FUUUUUCK!" Jay screamed as Bob pushed his legs up against his chest and slammed into him. "Harder harder harder fuck me harder Bob harder harder harder!" Jay chanted between moans and screams, using his arms to brace himself. One on the back of the driver's seat, one gripping the back of the back seat. And Bob was more than happy to comply, building up speed and force. Soon he was pounding as hard as he could into Jay. They could both feel the car bouncing up and down wildly, and the extra motion just made the penetration that much deeper. Jay just thrust madly into the air, screaming and jumping every time Bob's cock rammed against that spot. He could almost swear that Bob was about the screw his way completely through his back. But motherfuck it felt good. Jay managed to free his red boot clad feet from Bob grasp and brace them against the roof of the little VW Bug, freeing Bob's hands which immediately tangled up under his gray hood and into his honey blond hair. "Fuck Bob gonna.. Bob.. more.. hard.. Bob.." Jay babbled, bucking hard against Bob. Bob suddenly tightened his grip on Jay's hair, slamming into the tight space one final time as he screamed the blond's name and shot what felt like the entire contents of his body into him. At the same time Jay screeched and slammed down on Bob's cock, shooting his load onto Bob, onto himself, onto the seat, and even a bit onto the roof of the car. The boys barely had time to enjoy the afterglow, as the car began creaking, then went crashing down. "Oh shit!" Jay blinked, looking around worriedly, then started giggling. "We broke the motherfucking car!" Bob started chuckling as well, and within moment, both men were howling with laughter, stopping only when Bob leaned down to kiss Jay. "Let's go, before someone sees us." Jay nodded and grabbed his costume, from the floor. Bob flipped the seat forward and opened the door. "Jay?" Bob said, a slightly amused tone to his voice. "What? Don't even say you wanna to do it again. Shit, you might have to carry me in.." ".. I think it's too late to not be seen.." "What the fuck?" Jay peered out the opened door, then he saw it. A huge crowd had gathered around the car, and as soon as Jay's head emerged, they all broke into applause. One girl was heard screaming "OH MY GOD! BLUNTMAN AND CHRONIC JUST FUCKED IN MY CAR!" along with the screams of several other delighted fangirls and boys. "Fuck it." Jay grinned. "Let's go. Get out Tubby!" He shoved Bob out of the car, still naked save the helmet and coat. Bob blushed and turned around to help Jay out, wrapping them both up in his coat. "Yeah!" Jay yelled at the crowd, raising one fist up triumphantly. "I am the god of fuck!" To which the crowd responded with cheers and applause. "Damn Lunchbox, coming to this thing was the best idea I ever had." he kissed Bob full on the lips, raising his hands up to stroke that soft, dark beard. Bob growled playfully and bit Jay's lower lip. For once, despite the slight inaccuracy in that statement, he had to agree.