Title: Changes Everything
Author: Kelandris the Mad
Fandom: View Askewniverse
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: Songfic. R for language, implied homosexuality, 
homoeroticism, and angst.
Status: New
Archive: The traditional places. If you don't know what the 
traditional places are, you might want to write and ask. And here's 
how:
Feedback: kel@crazysheep.net
Series/Sequels: Shouldn't be.
Disclaimers: Kevin Smith, View Askew Productions, Jason Mewes, Scott 
Mosier, and Miramax have creative control and ownership of Jay and 
Silent Bob. I am just an insignificant slasher who wants the boys to 
have fun now that they've retired. I'm not even charging them.
Notes: This thing buggered on me as soon as I got it to a comp to 
upload it. All praise and thanks to Shawn, the WonderGod of 
computers (and the boy in the blue jumper).
Summary: Bob gets all worked up over head stuph. No, really.
Warnings: Heavy angst, arduous levels of want, tortuous doublethink.

"Changes Everything"
by Kelandris

*It's amazing to me I can't
Seem to say what I'm doing here
My tongue is all twisted around the air
I'm looking for words that were so well rehearsed
But I can't find them anywhere
With you there's no easy answer*

Some days Bob cursed his scientific mind.

Jay, for example. Or himself. Or the situation. Systems had a way 
of going from simple to complex, and he had thought he was in a 
simple system, until Jay. Until Jay changed. Or until he changed. 
Or maybe they had both changed.

All he knew was that things *had* changed, he was on the other side 
of the equation. Things were no longer simple. He could trace a 
line from A to B, and yesterday, it would have been straight. Today 
it led into the heart of the Gordian knot, and he didn't have a blade 
sharp enough to cut through the tangle.

Simple. Complex. Jay.

*It's true
You change the equation that I add up to
And all of the things that I thought I knew
You turn it around
I'm amazed
When push comes to shove what I'd give to you
Everything*

And now he watched Jay. He watched Jay dance, he watched Jay move, 
he watched Jay flirt with girls and felt a slow simmering anger that 
he'd never felt before. And he had no interest in female flesh 
anymore, himself. That was disturbing. He'd thought about it, 
thought about it on rare dates with female friends, and slowly 
realized it wasn't that he didn't *like* women anymore. He hadn't 
turned over one morning and woken up gay. 

It was more that his entire consciousness was occupied with a set of 
eyes that changed like the sea, a glittering fall of blond hair, a 
taut, lean frame covered in ice-pale skin. If Jay had been female, 
he would have been locked on that single female. Jay wasn't. So he 
wasn't.

Didn't make it any less disturbing.

*I'm amazed
The hallways I wouldn't mind crawling through
And I'd do it for days and days
I'm amazed, I'm amazed
The places you're taking me to*

Suddenly, every action had significance. Jay smoothing back a strand 
of his hair as he spoke with Bob, half-smiling. Jay tossing off 
lines of insult and contempt about how much Bob wanted him, wanted to 
sleep with him, wanted to suck him off. And it was all Bob could do 
to remain impassive, or glare on rare occasion. Because what he 
really wanted to do was nod. What he really wanted to do was agree, 
and pull Jay aside, and say, "Yes, I do only want you, I want you 
always, I want you naked, and can we go somewhere and be naked now?"

Every time he stared at him it was like being tortured by a heat lamp 
and an ice cube. His face suffused with heat half the time and he 
couldn't look at Jay. The rest of the time shivers ran down his 
spine. And he wanted him. He wanted him like he'd wanted nothing 
else in his life, ever. And it confused him. Jay confused him. His 
own want confused him, locking his words behind the fence he'd built 
between them, and he couldn't see how this could possibly end well.

A to B. Straight shot between two points, now grown impossibly 
snarled and twisted. Simple to complex. Because of Jay.

*Wait, I thought I had this down
I built all my cages and my hide out
And I covered all my bases
I locked the door, I shut all my windows*
But you
You creep in like a whisper
I try not to listen, yeah, but I hear you
I'm not really sure just what it is you do
But do it again*

Days went by while he wrestled his own head. They went to parties 
and Bob watched Jay dance, and flirt, and vamp shamelessly with 
girls, with guys, with him. It was just as bad as he thought it 
would be and he didn't have the strength to get through it... but he 
did, night after night.

Confused. Conflicted. Wanting. Wanting the system to suddenly even 
out, wanting all of this to be merely a peak in the statistics, that 
at the end of the study would fall back to balance, fall back to 
geometric center. He doubted it would. He prayed he was wrong. His 
heart longed, his head denied, his mouth wouldn't say what he wanted 
it to say.

*I'm amazed
When push comes to shove what I'd give to you
Everything
I'm amazed
The walls that I wouldn't mind crashing through
And I'd do it for days and days
I'm amazed, I'm amazed*

They returned to their turf, dealing by the strip mall, and he 
watched the sun circle endlessly across the sky. Light to dark to 
light again, and most of it was shadows in his head. And Jay would 
dance. Jay would dance and Jay would strut and Jay would grind 
against him, grinning, and it was all he could do to pull back, to be 
the strong silent type that he'd always been. Resisting change. 
Resisting need. Resisting Jay.

It was the hardest thing he'd ever done, and every time he slipped, 
even by a millimeter, Jay jumped on the behavior like the mongoose 
with the snake. Accusing him of the vilest perversions seemed to be 
the greatest fun Jay could envision. The day he was called a 
goatfucker was stunning. How Jay went from rolling his pelvis 
against Bob's as he stood stoically against the wall, breathing as 
evenly as humanly possible, and screwing farm animals... it daunted even 
Bob's increasingly specious logic.

He didn't know how much more of this he could take. A to B and he 
was now getting lost in the spirals of ink lining the margins of the 
work paper.

*At all of the things I know you have done
'Cause this time I think we've really won
The tables have turned
Now I'm taking my hat off to you
You said "we'll see"
But darling it's all clear to me
I'm amazed*

And going home was no surcease. Jay taunted him openly, stripping in 
front of him, trailing fingers or strands of hair or tongue over his 
shoulders, over his neck, over his face. He'd clench his eyes shut, 
not wanting to see his reflection in Jay's sapphirine gaze, a 
reflection that would speak volumes to him. Desire, need, 
frustration, oh yes, he knew the acid taste of them. Fear and want 
and pain and need. Always back to need. And the numbers moving, 
shifting behind the guise of n squared. A moment's inattention had 
brought him here. He no longer possessed the attention necessary to 
divert his mind. 

At any moment, he thought, he would give in, and there would go the 
trust Jay felt for him, not to act on his baser impulses. There 
would go the friendship. There would go the last ten years of his 
life, and what was left for him then? What would his life be without 
Jay? Much less frustrating, yes. Much less complex, yes. But much 
less interesting, much less entertaining. Much less... much less. So 
much less.

*And here by the ocean the sky's full of leaves
And what they can tell you depends on what you believe
The ash is a tree and the voices were three
And all that is gone is here sweeping through me
It's amazing
It's a maze*

"Hey. Lunchbox."

Jay padded over to Bob, sitting on the couch, looking at his hands. 
Bob didn't look up.

"Shit, but you are one dense motherfucker." He sat down on Bob's 
lap, straddling him, tilting the head up. He tapped one finger on 
the domed forehead.

"Hey. Anybody in there?"

Bob glared, his eyes narrowing.

"Okay. So I been thinkin', see, and I been droppin' hints, and I 
been o-fucking-vert about it, and you ain't got any of it. So here."

Jay grabbed Bob's head, pulling him forward, kissing Bob until Bob's 
mouth opened in shock.

"Mmm, yeah." And Jay plunged his tongue inside, licking over all the 
raised surfaces until Bob began to gasp. Then Jay pulled back, 
curling one hand around the back of Bob's neck, sending the other one 
down the front of his pants. He curled that hand around the 
stiffening steel rod he found in there, making Bob gasp a second time.

"Baby boy," Jay murmured. "I gotta show you everything? Or you 
wanna take me to the bedroom and fuck me `til I can't stand up?

Bob blinked.

**Excellent idea,** he thought incoherently. **The tangle can wait.**

And, walking stiffly, he followed Jay into his bedroom, carefully 
shutting the door.

END
(Song excerpts from Poe's "Amazed")
*****
Kelandris the Mad
implicit silhouette