Title: Connections
Author: DeadGrrl
Fandom: Askewniverese
Pairing: Jay / Silent Bob
Rating: NC-17
Status: New
Archive: E-me for permission.
E-mail address for feedback: deadgrrl2@yahoo.com
Series/Sequel: No series, just my ongoing obsession with the slashy 
nature of two stoners.
Disclaimers: In concept, it all belongs to Kevin Smith - Jay, Silent 
Bob, and the Askewniverse. I'm just borrowing them for my own secret 
pleasures but promise to return them unharmed... but sated.
Notes: It started off with a request - someone I know wanted a cameo 
appearance. I thought it odd, but I aim to please. Then everyone 
wanted to be in it, and then well, then I just got carried away. So, 
yes, I have people like this in my life... Scary, isn't it? 
Additional Notes: Smith has his own little Mewes, and I've got mine 
too. To my Muse: Clash, who said those immortal words "I'm confident 
in my heterosexuality... Come on, put me in there." And my other 
Muse: Essa, who egged me on the entire way...thank you for 
inspiration and suggestions, lady. Remember when the lawyers come to 
get me, you two had no idea that's what I was doing with all my spare 
time. 
Summary: A night out, a missed deal and Jay and Silent Bob make a few 
discoveries.
Spoilers: Barely worth mentioning. For Dogma. One line of little 
importance. 
Warnings: Language, M/M Sexual Situations, First Time
Parting Remark: "It's Smith's World... And I'm gonna slash it."

"Connections"
By DeadGrrl

"Of all the fuckin' bar's in all the world, dude *had* to pick this 
one." Jay scowled, pissed off at having to travel halfway across New 
Jersey just to make a deal. Standing in line Jay and Silent Bob 
waited to be admitted into the bar. The line was moving slowly as the 
bouncer checked I.D.'s and made small talk.

Bob smirked at Jay's deliberate misquote and quelled the urge to 
respond 'Play it again, Sam.' Instead he nodded his head in response 
and took a drag off his smoke.

"I mean this motherfucker better be ready to buy us a fucking round, 
making us haul ass all the way out to 'tim-butt-fuck-too' just to 
make a fucking deal. I swear, the shit I put up with all in the name 
of commerce." Jay shook his head in disgust.

The line moved again and Jay and Silent Bob stepped up to the front 
door. Standing in front of them was an attractive guy, whose face 
held a slight cast of Native American features, in a white t-shirt 
and black suede vest. Black jeans and leather boots added to the 
menacing image as he nodded. "Gentlemen, I.D.'s please." 

Jay grinned at the piercing blue eyes watching him in amusement. "Oh, 
fuck you, I.D.'s please. Like you don't know who we are. How the fuck 
you doing, Duke?"

Looking down his sharp nose Duke smiled menacingly at the two. As a 
moment passed Jay became uncomfortable and began to wonder why Duke 
was staring at them so. Leaning over he mumbled to Bob "Dude, I think 
he wants my ass or something. I ain't got time to blow him I gotta 
get in there and make my connection. You take him out back and give 
him a super suck or whatever and I'll meet you back here."

Bob's response was to narrow his eyes at Jay.

Duke ignored this exchange as he continued to stare at the long 
flowing blond hair... on the chick behind the two. "Shanna." Duke 
grinned as he motioned to the young lady behind the boys to come 
forward. The fine young thing flounced past Jay and Bob, kissed Duke 
on the cheek, pushed a strand of his long brown hair behind his ear 
and entered the bar.

Jay watched the halter top and hot pants clad girl bounce away. 
Nudging Bob, Jay asked "Shit, dude did you see that chick? Tits out 
to here, hair down to there, hootchie mama short half up her ass. 
Fuck, she's the kinda chick you'd wanna lush roll through the lobby."

Bob looked at Jay as he tried to guess if he had ever heard Jay utter 
that line before, or if Jay had gotten it from somebody. Shrugging 
his shoulders, Bob blinked away this ponderence as Duke re-focused 
his attention on them.

"I'm good Jay. You here on business or pleasure?"

Jay rolled his eyes, "Dude, I don't know where you get your info but 
I'm all about pleasure. Gonna drink some beers, maybe get a little 
bit of kitty..."

Duke nodded his head slowly, "Yeah. Right. Okay, just don't let me 
see nothing."

"Thanks man, but you know I gotta ask you a question. Why the fuck do 
they call you 'Duke'? Man, fucking John Wayne killed Indians and shit 
in those movies, and here you are a half-and-half and that's your 
nickname?"

"Get your skinny white-ass inside." Duke glared as he pointed for 
them to go. 

Jay led Bob into the bar and told him "See, I knew it! He wants me, 
he's been checking out my ass. You're lucky I distracted him 
Lunchbox, otherwise you'd be scrapping your knees in the bathroom."

Bob shook his head behind Jay and gave a sigh of resignation. 

"Go get us something to drink. I'm gonna scan the crowd, maybe line 
up someone to play with when I'm done here..." Jay told Bob as he 
moved into the crowd.

Bob watched Jay's retreating form for a moment and turned towards the 
main bar to get drinks.

Jay pressed through the crowd looking for the dude that was supposed 
to meet him. Guy with some name like Newt or Nate or some such shit. 
He was supposed to be sitting in the backroom with a bottle of vodka. 
A quick assessment of the area didn't reveal anyone.

This was definitely not Jay's scene. The crowded, smoke filled bar 
was hot and loud. Jay leaned against a wall, eyes scanning the crowd 
for Silent Bob. Where the fuck was that tubby bitch? Jay shifted as 
tried to lean into the wall more comfortably. Sending Bob to get some 
beers was probably a bad idea, but he didn't want to miss his 
connection. Jay sighed to himself, suddenly wanting to get this over 
with and out of the bar.

The crowd consisted of locals and young professionals looking to kick 
back or relieve some tension with a fast lay. Sighing again, Jay 
could use a lay himself. It had been way to long since anyone had 
graced his bed. Snorting to himself he thought of who he wanted in 
his bed and shook his head. Wasn't going to happen. No way, so there 
was no sense pondering it, no sense getting depressed about it. 
Regardless Jay felt his bad mood worsening into pure out pissy. Then 
someone bumped into him hard, knocking him off his feet.

"Motherfucker!" Jay swore as he pitched forward. Strong hands grabbed 
him and held him until he got his feet back under him.

"Sorry about that, man." Came a deep voice. 

Looking up and quickly squashing his retort, Jay looked into the eyes 
of a rather tall, rather big guy. The dude was huge with a muscular 
upper body. He was what someone would call "beefy" if one were 
inclined to describe the man in front of him. Looked like a bouncer 
from Hell, as he was dressed all in black. Dark long wavy hair pulled 
back tight into a ponytail and blue-green eyes, he looked slightly 
dangerous. Jay nodded his head, "Yah, whatever," and went back to 
holding up the wall.

The dark-haired stranger smiled at Jay, "Really, sorry. I wasn't 
watching where I was going. Can I buy you a drink?" 

Jay frowned. "Shit, I've heard better pick-up lines in Sunday 
school." Jay rolled his eyes.

The guy raised his eyebrows at this, momentarily surprised. Then a 
small smile appeared on his lips as he replied, "If I were trying to 
pick you up, I wouldn't need a line."

Jay swallowed hard as he looked into strangers' eyes again. Shit, he 
was cute. Of course that just might be his libido making comparisons. 
It had to be the goatee... Well, he was horny.

"But I'm sure my boyfriend would be upset with me if I did that." The 
stranger replied. Jay scowled at this. Fuckin' figures, he thought to 
himself, I can't even find an available substitute fuck.

The stranger watched with amusement as a barrage of emotions had 
passed across the younger man's face. He guessed the blond to be in 
his 20's. It was hard to tell with the baby-face. He was cute, but he 
looked a little too wound up. The way he was scanning the crowd he 
must be waiting for someone important.

"I'm Clash, nice to meet you." He told Jay as he extended his hand.

Jay shook the hand in front of him and replied, "Yeah, I'm Jay. Nice 
to meet you and shit." Jay leaned back into the wall again. He raised 
his eyebrows and questioned, "Clash?"

Clash gave a grin, "It's a nickname. I've had it so long, and so many 
people use it, I just introduce myself that way." Jay nodded at this.

"I hear that shit. That reminds me of my boy, Silent Bob. Been 
calling him that for so long that no one remembers the fucks last 
name no more."

"Really?" Clash smiled as he placed a hand against the wall, leaning 
over Jay. 

Jay continued to scan the crowd and replied, "Yeah, I'd introduce you 
to him but Mute Boy seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle. Fucking 
figures, someone's probably tryin' to pick him up. Dude's a fucking 
sex magnet. I can't fucking take him anywhere without someone trying 
to lay him." Jay shook his head in disgust.

"So, you're not exclusive?" Clash asked with amusement.

"Hell's no. We ain't even fuckin'. We're just friends and shit. He's 
my Muscle." Jay responded off the cuff.

Clash pondered this for a moment and decided to press. "So he 
wouldn't care if I were to say, hit on you?"

"Fuck no, Bob don't give a shit. Just as long as you don't try to 
beat the shit out of me. But fucking me, that's a different... Hey! I 
ain't gay!" Jay responded with scowl. Where the fuck was Silent Bob, 
anyway?


Silent Bob waited patiently at the bar. He had unsuccessfully been 
trying to get drinks for the last 10 minutes. The press of the crowd 
was at least five people deep and the bartenders a flurry of 
movement. He was next in line, and was looking forward to getting 
back by Jay. God only knows what Jay had gotten into in the ten 
minutes he had been gone.

A young guy that stood next to him during their attempt to be served 
had struck up a conversation. Bob had grinned and nodded in the 
appropriate places, enough so that the guy had continued his 
discourse.

"So I'm chasing this asshole down on foot, and the guy runs into this 
abandoned warehouse. He's thinking that he'll be able to make it down 
to the docks and I dunno, swim his way to freedom or something. This 
motherfucker actually makes it out to the waterfront and jumps in. 
Only problem is that shit head can't swim. So not only do I get to 
rescue his ass, I actually make my first collar. How about that for 
fucked up?" Vitto finished his story.

Bob smiled and nodded his head. The young cop standing next to him 
had been regaling him with 'stupid criminal stories'. Bob had to 
agree that most criminals were, indeed, quite stupid. The stories had 
been funny, and Bob felt only slightly ill at ease with the cop. He 
was a friendly out-going kind of guy, and obviously enjoyed talking. 
Bob smiled at that, just like Jay. Vitto ended his story, as he was 
finally able to place his drink order.

Leaning over into Bob's earshot he asked, "What'll you have?"

"2 taps," Bob responded into Vitto's ear and began to dig out cash 
for the beer.

"Hey, put that away, my treat." Vitto responded as he waved off 
Silent Bob's money. Successful in finally getting drinks, Vitto 
handed Bob 2 beers and motioned to the backroom. "Come on over and 
hang with us after you find your buddy. I'll be over in the backroom 
with my friend. I'll see you later." Vitto nodded at Bob and pressed 
his way back through the crowd. Bob watched the cop retreat and 
leaned back over the bar. 

The bartender, an attractive, tall young woman with dark spiky hair, 
asked him "What's your pleasure? Blow Job or Tight Snatch?"

Bob's reply to this question was to widen his eyes, blink, then 
blush. 

The bartender waited a moment for his reply. Grinning she added, "The 
drink specials tonight... Blow Job is a shot. Tight Snatch is a rail 
drink. You're not a regular are you? Hey Dee, we got a virgin!" She 
called out excitedly to the other bartender.

A shorter woman with auburn hair pulled back in pigtails that hung 
only to her shoulders whisked past the brunette. "Ahhh, fresh meat!" 
She looked him up and down and finished her thought, "Yummy." She 
winked at Bob as she delivered a drink to the far end of the bar.

Bob blinked again, not quite sure what to make out of this exchange, 
but became worried as he noticed some of the crowd backing away from 
him. This, he suspected, was a bad sign.

The brunette was distracted momentarily by some drunk at the end of 
the bar yelling out to her. "Kay... Kay... gimmes a glash. I wanna, I 
wanna glash so I can drink me, my vodka. C'mon Kay..."

End Part 1