Title: Connections
Author: DeadGrrl
Fandom: Askewniverese
Pairing: Jay / Silent Bob
Rating: NC-17
Status: New
Archive: E-me for permission.
E-mail address for feedback: deadgrrl2@yahoo.com

Part 2

Shooting a look of annoyance at an extremely intoxicated blond guy at 
the end of the bar Kay replied "Are you still here? Didn't Duke throw 
your ass out yet? How the hell did you get in here anyway?"

As if on cue Duke showed up behind the blond and picked him up off 
the barstool. "Come on Nate, time for you to go."

"Hey! Duke, buddy!" the drunk exclaimed as the bouncer walked him out.

Shaking her head Kay looked at Silent Bob again. "So never heard of a 
Blow Job, huh? Where you from, the mid-west? Like Wisconsin or Omaha 
or the middle of America or something? Out there in the cornfields? 
Hey Dee, they got corn in Wisconsin?"

"I think that's all there is in Wisconsin is corn... and cows" The 
redhead called out, now on the other side of the bar. "That's about 
all they got to do out there is pick freaking corn, milk freaking 
cows."

"Or fuck deer." Kay concluded. Dee cackled. Bob's eyes widened.

"Anyhoo, take your time. Look over the menu and I'll be back." Kay 
winked at Bob as she took the next drink order. Bob looked at the 
extensive drink menu, baffled by the assortment of shots and 
specialty drinks. He had never heard of most of these drinks. He 
wondered what a 'Ladybug' was or God forbid a 'Hairless Asshole', and 
shuddered to think about what a 'Flaming Lemming' entailed. 'The 
Seven Deadly Shots of Sin' sounded far too complex to even attempt. 
Bob suspected he might be amused by the explanations if he weren't so 
busy being shocked. As he was reading the menu he realized to his 
horror that the bartenders we're having a conversation about him, 
quiet loudly.

"What's with stout and studly over there?" Dee called to Kay from the 
far end of the bar.

"I dunno, he's visiting from Wisconsin I think." Kay replied over the 
roar of the blender.

"That poor man. No one should have to go back to that place. Let's 
keep him!" Dee growled gleefully.

"Eh, he's cute but not my type."

"Come on! Look at that pretty portly pup! How could you say no?"

Bob felt his eyes widen again. Bob had heard many things, and had 
been subjected to being called many things by Jay. But never in his 
life had he been called a 'portly pup'. Or for that matter, 'pretty'. 
He wasn't sure which upset him more... either way the entire phrase 
made him uncomfortable.

Suddenly Dee was in front of him and asked, "You do know how to do a 
Blow Job don't you?"

Bob wasn't sure, but he thought the sensation he had just experienced 
was all the blood draining from his face. He stared at the young 
woman who was smiling in amusement.

"The shot, studly, the shot. First you put your hands behind your 
back..." Dee explained.

"And then you find someone you really love..." Kay interjected "Cause 
if you're gonna spend any amount of time on your knees getting a 
stiff neck it should be for someone you love."

Dee gave a snort of laughter. "And then you bend forward..."

"Whoa! That ain't a blow job!" Kay called out.

Dee shook her head as she continued. "And place your mouth over the 
rim..."

"Hold up! That *really* ain't a blow job!"

"Of the glass." Dee concluded as she shot Kay a look. "And toss your 
head back..." Dee paused waiting for the comment, none was 
forthcoming. "And suck the shot from the glass."

"Extra points for tongue!" Kay called out.

"Bitch, shut up!" Dee yelled at Kay, laughing out loud. "So, figured 
out what you're having?" she asked Bob. Bob shook his head no.

"Well, hurry up, we're only here till midnight. Then me and wonder-
thighs over there are off. Say, studly, you're not going to be 
leaving till at least then, right? No matter, I have a special booth 
in back, we can put you there until we're done."

"Dee, they took out our booth." Kay corrected her fellow bartender as 
she poured some taps.

"They what?" Dee looked at Kay in confusion. "When? Why?"

"I dunno something about Scotchguard break down and permanent 
staining." Kay replied.

"Those damn Scots! If it weren't for those kilts. Damn! If we'd have 
gone with the naugahide we'd still have a booth!"

"But think of all those innocent Nauga's that would have died for 
your wipe on, wipe off convenience." Kay responded with a grin.

"Figures. Bastard Children of the Universe feel the smack down yet 
again." Dee shook her head in disgust. "Okay studly, you've been a 
good sport, and you're cute to boot, so I'm gonna make you a Purple 
Motherfucker-shut-your-mouth-Kay." Dee concluded, cutting off the 
possibility of comment by her co-worker as she assembled the shot in 
a large mixer.

Kay stopped by as Dee finished shaking the shot and placed out 4 shot 
glasses on top the bar as Dee began to pour. "One for you, one for 
me, one for Kay and one for the road." She smiled at Bob. Bob nodded 
and picked up his shot.

"A toast," Kay began and rambled off something in a Scottish accent 
that sounded kind of like English, possibly Gaelic and possibly not. 
They clinked glasses and downed their drinks.

Bob stared questioningly at Kay. Dee relayed his thoughts as she 
asked, "What the hell did we just drink to?"

"It's an old Scottish Toast. Roughly translated it means, May your 
hills find valleys, your lemmings life preservers and your pretty 
portly pups a place to sit."

Dee stared at Kay as she bounced off to take another order. Looking 
back at Bob she commented, "I've known her for ten years, and 
sometimes *I* don't even know where the hell she comes up with this 
stuff. No matter. Here, take the rest of the shot and enjoy." She 
concluded as she poured out the last of liquid in the mixer. "If 
you're still here at midnight Kay and I will be happy to help you 
earn a scarlet letter. If not, stop in again sometime." She gave Bob 
a dazzling smile and was gone.

Bob picked up the shots and the beers and walked away from the bar, 
feeling slightly dazed.

As Dee stopped by the sink to wash a few glasses Kay leaned over into 
her earshot. "Portly pup?" she asked with a grin.

Dee laughed as she dunked glasses into sanitizer. "Shit, he was cute. 
Quiet, but cute. I bet he's a screamer though." she leered.

Kay chuckled. "I don't think you'll get a chance to find out, lady. 
Did you see the blond he came in with?"

Dee shook her head as she placed glasses on the drying mats. "A 
little competition is healthy."

"Dee, the blond *boy* that portly pup came in with."

"Ah, fuck. It figures. Score: Bastard Children - none, the Universe - 
at least 103." Dee replied as Kay rolled her eyes. Dee shook off her 
hands, turned back to the crowd with a smile and growled "Next!"

Kay laughed at her friend as she walked over to a young man who had 
just taken a seat in her area. Nodding her head at the blond, she 
took in his good looks and what she could see of his tall frame, 
muscular physic. "Florida Dude... how they hanging?" she gave a 
wicked grin as the guy blushed. God, she loved this job.


Vitto had successfully made his way through the crowd. Upon reaching 
the fringe he came upon his friend, and immediately asked "Honey, 
who's this?"

Clash looked up from his conversation at Vitto and smiled. "This is 
Jay. Jay this is Vitto."

Jay looked slightly stunned as he gave a "Hey," to Vitto. 

Vitto smiled at the scene before him. Clash had his arm casually 
draped over Jay's shoulder. Jay looked excited and scared, but mostly 
excited. Handing Clash his drink Vitto stood along the other side of 
Jay and asked, "So what are we doing with Jay?"

"Talking, we're just talking." Jay interjected. 

The other guy standing next to Jay was almost as tall as Clash, and 
the dude was lean but ripped. Spiky brown hair and bright blue eyes 
that were looking at Jay in what could be amusement or could be 
assessment. Jay felt nervous; both these guys were bigger than he 
was. Clash had been flirting for the last 10 minutes and Jay had 
started flirting back, just a little, just for the hell of it. 
Nothing was going to happen but it was still fun to toss around a 
little innuendo. Jay *could* be subtle but rarely, if ever, was. It 
was kind of fun talking with this guy, and he had been starting to 
enjoy the banter. But this guy's boyfriend could easily kick his ass 
and just might.

"We were progressing toward kissing, but then you showed up." Clash 
concluded. 

Jay felt his eyes go wide. Oh shit...

Vitto frowned and then smiled. He took Clash's drink back and 
replied "Well, by all means, go ahead."

Clash grinned at Vitto and leaned over and lightly kissed Jay, his 
tongue gently brushing Jay's lips as he broke off the kiss. Jay was 
unaware that his eyes could open wider, but discovered otherwise.

End Part 2