Title: Dizzy
Author: gracelessone
Fandom: ViewAskewniverse
Pairing: Jay and Silent Bob
Rating: NC-17, it gets a little scary here guys
Status: New
Archive: yeah ok
Feedback: theone@gracelessone.com
Series: one more coming someday, blame Kel
Disclaimer: I own nothing but empty wine bottles, I think they used 
to be full *hic*
Summary: I *hate* summaries, I *suck* at summaries. so you don't get 
one. Sue me.

Notes: Ok guys, thanks for following this one with me, it's been gut-
wrenching but fun. I realized that the title makes *no* fucking 
sense and that will teach me to title things before they're 
finished. Sorry 'bout that. Also, embarassingly enough there are 
similarities in here to Kel's recent fics, my deepest apologies, I 
had already written some of the premises in and couldn't change too 
much of it. Let's hope she doesn't kill me.

oh! and many many run on sentences :>


Dizzy 

He reached out but the blond jerked away violently. The worst part 
was his voice was still so soft, still so broken.

"No- I didn't ask- but I I-enjoyed-it-I-wanted-it-they-were-right-
about-it-I'm-a-whore"

He stumbled over the words so fast Bob could barely understand him. 
Then Jay was shoving himself up and off the bed and Bob was reaching 
for that thin waist and his lap was full of a warm thin body and it 
fit so perfectly but the face against his shoulder was crying and the 
tears were hot enough to burn hot enough to scald.

"Why Jay? Why do you believe that? Why would you believe *them*?"

He tried to shift away so he could look at Jay but the blond just 
burrowed deeper into his shoulder. 

"Shhh, it's ok. I'm sorry, I am, just, just don't cry Jay, don't cry 
baby please-"

"I came."

Bob almost missed it. Then he almost didn't understand it.

"Jay, god Jay, that's-" 

He forced Jay away from him then. Forced him to face him. He looked 
into those blue eyes for a long moment and then leaned in slowly, 
carefully, making it clear what he was about to do, letting Jay have 
the chance to stop him. 

He kissed him. 

Hoping he wasn't fucking this up any more than he already had. Jay's 
lips were soft and salty from tears but sweet oh god they were 
sweet. Bob trailed his fingers across one angular cheekbone, wanting 
to slide his hands into those golden strands but he wasn't going to 
do anything that even resembled holding Jay captive, if he wanted to 
back away Bob was going to let him. If he ran out the door, Bob was 
going to have to let him. If that was going to happen than this kiss 
was going to be it. Bob groaned softly and touched his tongue to 
Jay's lips, he wanted to taste him, just once. 

Jay couldn't think. Bob hadn't shoved him away, he was, god he was 
kissing him. Kissing him and making this wonderful deep needy noise 
and his fingers were touching him like he was precious. When his 
tongue flicked across Jay's lips he couldn't help but moan. He 
snaked his arms around Bob's neck and opened for him. That *want* 
and those wishes were all right here. The first touch of Bob's 
tongue against his sent shudders through him. Bob was being so soft, 
so careful, stroking the roof of his mouth and swirling around so 
slowly before pulling back. Then he was pulling away and Jay's 
throat was making a whimper of protest because he wanted more. So 
much more.

"Jay. Jay, look at me."

Blue eyes opened and focused somewhere around Bob's shoulder. 

"Ok, just listen to me. Promise you'll listen?"

A shaky nod was the only answer he got.

"What did you feel just now? What did you feel here?"

He touched Jay's belly.

Jay shook his head in confusion. 

"I don't know."

"Yes you do, just don't think about it so hard. What did you feel?"

Jay closed his eyes before he answered.

"Um, warm. Shivery."

Bob took a deep breath, he hated words, he was praying this was the 
one time he could get them right. This was all or nothing.

"Did you feel like that when you came with them?"

Jay jerked back like he had been punched and Bob cringed.

"Don't. Don't pull away, please don't, I'm not trying to hurt you 
just- just think about it. Did you feel anything like that at all?"

"N-no. I felt like I was go-going to throw up I think I did throw 
up, it- it was bad. It felt bad."

Bob couldn't stop himself from stroking Jay's cheek.

"Then you didn't enjoy it. You didn't want it.
You know that stupid thing where they hit your knee and your foot 
kicks out?"

Jay was leaning into Bob's touch.

"Yeah, reflex testing, different sensations cause different muscle 
reactions. It helps `em figure out of you have neurological 
problems."

Bob stared for a minute, then shook his head and continued.

That's all it was, just reflex; your body reacted to sensation. 
Nothing more."

"I-I didn't want that.

He was telling himself more than Bob but the dark haired man nodded 
anyway. 

"And you-you kissed me to show me that."

That wasn't supposed to come out as a question. Jay bit his lip and 
closed his eyes.

Bobs mouth shifted into a smile.

"Um- partly. Partly because I really, really wanted to kiss you."

Jay's eyes opened at that and started to smile.

"Can we do it again?"

Bob nodded and Jay waited but Bob just looked at him with those soft 
brown eyes. So he leaned in and kissed him. It started slow and 
sweet but Bob's lips parted under his so quickly and his mouth was so 
hot. Soon Jay was twisting in his lap, moaning against Bob's mouth 
for more-. more of anything, just *more*. 

Bob actually had to tuck his hands under his thighs to keep them off 
of Jay. His whole body ached to flip Jay over on the bed and kiss 
him until the boy begged. But he wasn't going to do that. He. 
Wasn't. 

His breath hitched in his chest when Jay flicked his tongue across 
the corner of his mouth. Oh fuck this was gonna kill him. Jay 
shifted to lick at his throat and Bob tilted his head back, his eyes 
sliding shut. Jay's hands pressing against his chest was the only 
warning he got before his back hit the bed, then Jay was sprawled on 
top of him whispering against his neck.

"touch me please, just touch me, please Bob please, please touch me"

Bob groaned, his cock throbbing with heat at those words and then his 
hands were moving of their own accord, one wrapping around Jay's neck 
to trace patterns on the sensitive flesh hidden by all that hair and 
the other pushing under the shirt to stroke Jay's back. The blond 
moaned and sat up peeling his shirt off then pushing and shoving at 
Bob's until he had exposed his chest. Jay leaned back down and 
pressed skin against skin, loving the way Bob was so warm, so fucking 
warm. He shifted against the larger man beneath him and gasped when 
chest hair tickled across his nipples. Bracing his hands on Bob's 
shoulders he swayed from side to side needing more of that. 

Bob was losing it. He didn't want to rush things but oh god how much 
of this could he take? He pushed gently on Jay's shoulders until he 
shifted up a little, smiling at the boy's protesting whimpers. Blond 
hair swirled around his face as Jay looked down at him. His eyes 
were so dark blue they looked black and his lips were swollen. 

"Beautiful. So fucking beautiful Jay."

He kept his eyes locked on Jay's as he leaned up and took one soft-
pink nipple in his mouth. Running his hands up and down Jay's arms 
he made sure he wasn't holding him; that Jay could back away if he 
wanted too. If he needed too. 

Moving so slowly it was almost painful Bob swirled his tongue around 
the hardening nub before flicking across it. Smiling at Jay's sharp 
groan he nibbled and licked and sucked and tugged. Wanting more of 
those noises he brought his fingers up, twisting at the nipple that 
wasn't in his mouth. Jay arched against him, his fingers tangling in 
Bob's hair to pull him up, finding his mouth and plunging his tongue 
in, swirling and tasting and sucking on Bob's tongue.

The normally quiet man whispered encouragements and pleas between 
moans, sliding his hands down Jay's back and cupping his ass. Jay 
froze.

**shit. shit shit shit fuck fuck fucking stupid bastard stupid stupid 
stupid**

Bob pulled his hands away whispering sorry against Jay's mouth over 
and over again until he felt a hot wetness against his cheek. 

"Jay I pushed, too soon, I shouldn't have, didn't want to hurt you, 
never hurt you so sorry, shouldn't-"

Long fingers covered his lips, hushing him.

"It's not that-not you. Me." 

The blond slid off the bed and stood with his back to Bob.

"You don't want this- me. I've got permanent scars on my soul." After 
a harsh laugh he added, "and on the rest of me."

Bob surged up off the bed.

"I don't want you? Are you insane? Look at me Jay. Look at me"

"I can't. You have to- have to see something first."

"Jay-"

Bob stopped when the younger man's pants hit the floor. His eyebrows 
flew up as he tried to figure out what was happening here. Jay took 
a deep breath and pushed his boxers down and off, stepping out of 
them. He didn't move after that. He just waited. 

Bob stopped breathing. He was pretty sure he was still alive, if 
only because his pulse was pounding in his ears.

High on Jay's right cheek were several red lines. 
Scars. 
A word. 
Whore.

Bob`s rage was deadly quiet.

"and I left him breathing."

He pushed everything out of his mind except for the boy in front of 
him. He stood and took Jay's shoulders in his hands, turning him 
until he faced the mirror on the closet door.

Jay, look at me now."

He waited until blue eyes met his in the mirror before he sank to his 
knees. He kept his touch light on Jay's hips as he kissed the scars, 
not stopping until his lips had touched everywhere the knife had. 
And when Jay slid to his knees Bob was there to catch him.

He laid him on the bed, brushing his hair away from his face and 
letting Jay pull him down next to him. Bob pulled the edge of a 
blanket over the suddenly shivering boy and then just waited.

"It-it was bad, Bob."

Bob nodded. "It doesn't have to be like that."

Jay pressed himself against the shorter man. "Show me. Show me how 
it's supposed to be."

Bob kissed him once, slowly and softly. "Soon."

Jay forced the kiss deeper. Pulling back with a gasp he shook his 
head wildly. 
"No. No no no. Now Bob now, if you want me, want me *now*" 

He kissed him again. "Please?"

"How am I supposed to say no to that?" Bob stripped off his shirt 
and leaned over Jay.

"You're not." The blond said happily.

"You know, you don't fight fair." Bob kissed away any chance of a 
response and growled low in his throat as their legs tangled and 
Jay's hardening cock pressed against his thigh. He stroked his hands 
across Jay's back and belly, studiously not touching his erection. 
Bob scratched his nails lightly over the flesh of a soft inner thigh 
and grinned ferally when the blond thrust up against his hands.

The dark-haired man soothed his less experienced lover and resettled 
between his thighs. Stroking one finger up to the head of Jay's cock 
he touched the drop of wetness there and licked it off his finger. 
Leaning closer his kissed the tip once.

"This ok?"

It took Jay a minute to understand the question. When he did he 
nodded quickly, not trusting his voice for once in his life. The man 
between his legs smiled and took his cock in his hand, stroking the 
base softly as he licked long paths of wetness up around and over the 
soft skin. Jay couldn't watch, it was so intense he was holding back 
already, not wanting to come this quickly. He didn't ever want this 
to end.

When Bob finally pulled the head of Jay's cock into his mouth the 
blond was thrashing on the bed with one hand buried in the sheets and 
the other stroking Bob's hair and his own thighs. When the heat 
surrounding him started sliding further down he stifled a yell with 
the palm of his hand, only to sob when Bob's mouth left him 
completely.

"Don't do that."

Wh-what? Don't do what?" Jay could barely force out the question. 

Bob's fingers were circling the head of his cock, tracing over the 
ridge and flicking over the slit.

"No hands over your mouth. No biting anything to be quiet. Okay?"

When Jay nodded shakily Bob watched him for a minute, sucking the 
fluid off of his fingers once more.

"Good."

Then he sunk Jay deep into his mouth and swallowed against him. His 
hands covering those narrow hips to keep them from bucking up. He 
set a vicious pace, sucking and swallowing until Jay was one 
continuous moan. Finally he reached down and cupped Jay's balls in 
one hand, squeezing gently while he stroked with the other hand and 
licked the head of his cock.

Jay screamed and arched up off the bed, shaking and shuddering with 
his orgasm. He could feel Bob sucking and knew he was swallowing his 
come which made it that much more intense.

Bob pulled away from Jay gently and rested his head against on a 
sweat-slicked thigh.

"You ok?"

Jay forced his eyes open and his cock twitched at the sight of Bob 
resting on his thigh, his lips bruised and swollen. He reached down 
and pulled at Bob's shoulders, wanting the larger man closer, needing 
to feel more of him.

"ok? oh, yeah, yeah I'm ok. I'm fucking ok god Bob-fuck."

Bob laughed quietly as he slid up and held Jay. The blond burrowed 
his head in the crook of Bob's neck, both of the men catching their 
breaths.

````
The sun had shifted across the room by the time Bob opened his eyes. 
Jay was sitting beside him on the bed smoking and watching him. Bob 
quirked one eyebrow up then grinned and stole the cigarette from him.

"hey ya tubby bitch, give that back." The grin and the soft voice 
took any heat from the words.

Jay took the smoke back, reaching across Bob to put it out. Then he 
started stroking Bob, exploring his body with those long talented 
fingers. His eyes would flick from his hands to Bob's face, 
checking, getting reassurance. Bob smiled when he could, gasping and 
moaning when he couldn't. Jay crawled on top of him, smiling down at 
him somewhat shyly before straddling his hips. 

The larger man pulled him down to kiss him, stroking up his back and 
down his arms. Biting and tugging on that sweet soft lower lip 
before pulling back and attacking Jay's neck. He licked a path up 
towards his ear, loving the little shivers he could feel coursing 
through the blond. 

"If this needs to stop-. If you need to stop, we stop. Ok?"

A moan ripped through him as Jay ground down against him in reply. 
If took all of his control to grab the boy on top of him and hold him 
still.

"I mean it. *god Jay*- You've got to hear me-"

"Fuck Bob ok ok I hear you if I get- if it gets- weird- I'll ask you 
to stop I promise *promise* ok? now please please kiss me more *more* 
please more"

Bob laughed against Jay's mouth. "ok baby, just hang on a sec."

He flung a hand out yanking at a drawer beside the bed. Drowning in 
the feel of the soft mouth against his and the feel of the hot, so 
hot, tongue licking inside his mouth his mind was overloading on 
sheer sensation. He pulled away long enough to force out a few words.

"In there- get it"

Jay was dazed by the look of it and Bob was glad he wasn't the only 
one.

"Lube. In the. Drawer. Get it."

Jay went still for a second but then leaned over and got the tube, 
pressing it into Bob's palm. 

After he had spread some of the slick gel on his fingers he shifted 
the blond back a little, sliding both hands between them. Jay braced 
himself on Bob's shoulders and kept his eyes shut, breathing harshly.

Bob wrapped one hand around Jay's cock just holding it, not stroking 
yet. His slippery fingers drifted further back to the sensitive 
stretch of skin right behind his balls. He caressed that flesh, 
waiting and watching. After a small amount of tension had bled away 
from Jay he ran one finger across his opening and stroked his cock 
slowly. Watching and waiting again. The blond's hands were shaking 
and he was worrying his lower lip with his teeth- and he was so 
beautiful Bob could scream.

"relax- ok, it's ok relax"

His soft voice was soothing Jay and the younger man wanted to thrust 
forward into that loosely clenched fist but he wanted to push back 
too, wanted to deepen that touch as well. He whispered one word.

"more"

Bob slid one finger into the shaking boy slowly while stroking his 
cock a little faster. Then two. Watching. Waiting. His body was 
screaming at him but he clenched down on that desire viciously. He 
was so intent on taking his time he was almost shocked when Jay spoke 
again.

"I need- I want to come but I don't want to- too soon- I don't want 
it over- not yet not yet Bob want *you*-"

Bob pulled his hands away and leaned up to kiss Jay.

"you sure?'

"dammit yes yes ok? really sure really want this really want you 
please- but not like this ok? I can't- can't hold myself up"

Bob choked out a soft laugh and turned them so they lay face to face.

"you should've said- how? what do you think?"

Jay was busy kissing Bob's face and neck.

"don't care don't fuckin' care"

Bob stroked his lover's hip and kissed his forehead gently.

"It'd be easier- easier for you if you were on your stomach."

Jay's movements only paused for a moment but his voice was smaller 
when he whispered `ok'.

Bob sat up and held up one finger at the questioning look he got. He 
started throwing pillows on the floor; laughing at the yelp he heard 
when he pulled the comforter out from under Jay. After he had 
finished shifting things he pulled the blond up and against him. 

"'member- you promised. If it needs to stop it stops and that's 
that."

Encouraged by the feverent nodding he got in reply he knelt on the 
comforter pulling Jay down with him. 

They got lost in kisses and it took Jay a minute to realize what Bob 
had done. The comforter and pillows were in front of the mirror. He 
rolled onto his stomach and saw that he would be able to see- able to 
watch Bob-

**oh fuck yes, yes this is good need this now, now**

He heard Bob's whisper of agreement and wondered if he had spoken out 
loud or if Bob was reading his mind but then Bob's fingers were back 
inside him and it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except feeling 
like this and being able to see Bob behind him as he kissed his 
shoulder and slid his cock inside him.

Bob held still. He bit the inside of his cheek until it bled but he 
held still. Waiting and watching. When Jay flung his head back and 
locked eyes with him, nodding and pushing back he sobbed with relief 
and began to thrust gently.

Jay watched Bob, watched his lover, his mind stuttering over that 
word before screaming its approval. He pushed back harder, it didn't 
hurt, no it felt so good he couldn't breathe and then Bob wrapped his 
hand around his cock stroking just once, just fucking *once* and he 
was arching up into another intense orgasm and feeling Bob go still 
inside him seconds before he felt/heard a deep yell and Bob was 
coming inside him and it was better than anything ever.

Bob shifted so he wouldn't collapse on Jay and figured he wouldn't 
move again. Ever. He could just sleep there. Hell he could die 
there. But Jay had some source of energy left and was tugging at him 
to get up to come *on* that he wanted to go get some food then come 
back and do it all over again. Ok. For that Bob would find a way to 
move.

Later in the diner he lit a cigarette and watched Jay, thinking back 
to that first day they had met. He smiled. His life wasn't ever 
going to be dull again.

FIN
FUCKING FIN

graceless
(across the sky and I cross my heart and I cross my legs oh my god)