Title: Dizzy Author: gracelessone Fandom: ViewAskewniverse Pairing: Jay and Silent Bob Rating: this part is sadly PG but it should work it's way up to NC-17 Status: New Archive: oh I'd wait and see if it dwindles into a pile o crap Series: this should be a stand alone but I have no freakin' idea Disclaimer: I own nothing but 3 dozen empty gatorade bottles and 2 packs of smokes, I'm pretty sure Kevin Smith owns the rest of the universe Notes: it was supposed to be short and sweet! with lots of sex! my first fic and the little stoners are already giving me problems *grr* Summary: I *hate* summaries, I *suck* at summaries. so you don't get one. Sue me. Warnings: umm sappy :> Dizzy Scott convinced his stomach to calm down but there was no way he could convince the blood to return to his face. Jay turned towards Scott furrowing his brow in confusion when he saw his pale face and clenched hands. "Hey� hey man, you ok?" "Am I ok?" Scott choked out a laugh, a desperate noise that barely escaped his thought. So different from before. "Jay, oh Jay dear gods who did that to you?" The blond's face went bone white then blood red. He viciously pulled a t-shirt over his head while cursing and ranting. "Get outta here, fuckin perv I don' even *know* you, you bastard watching me wha' the fuck is wrong wit you get tha'fuck outta here" Scott stepped back, opening the door and holding it in an invitation or a plea. Not meeting the other man's eyes, Jay pushed past him, heading for the front door. He had to get out of there. He heard Scott's words trail after him. "You're not going anywhere." And thought **yeah right, fuck you I'm gone.** until he saw Bob standing up from the table. Fear flashed in his dark blue eyes. Bob saw it and flinched. **afraid? of me? fuck** The silent man sat back down without taking his eyes off of the tall twitchy boy. He shook a cigarette out and lit it, offering it to Jay with a flick of the wrist and one cocked eyebrow. Jay paused, quivering between choices. A snatch of poetry shifted through his mind. **I am magnum mouthed, honey snatched, my flavor changes constantly** He took a deep breath. Okay. He could play it this way. Just another fuckin' day. He took the smoke from Bob and poured himself a cup of coffee, debating staying in the kitchen for a while. Forever maybe. He watched Scott move into the room and sit by Bob and he lunged towards him, stopping himself from tackling the older man by the barest thinnest shred of self-control he had left. He tried to threaten Scott with a look but it came off more pleading than anything else. **don't tell don't tell don't tell** Scott shook his head at Jay, letting him know he wasn't going to say anything to Bob. His voice almost broke as he spoke. "Come on, sit down Jay." The thin boy dropped himself into a chair and proceeded to pout into his coffee cup. He didn't get to sit with Bob on the couch. His mind skittered away from that thought, away from that *want*. The silence between the three men grew to the point of agony before it broke into shards. Scott leaned forward and spoke softly. "What are the nightmares about?" Jay sucked in a breath like he had been punched in the gut. He snorted and smiled a sickly grin. "You ask the easy questions, huh?" He turned to Bob, ignoring Scott's question. He left it lying there like a sleeping snake, coiled and passive, full of poison and pain, only needing a nudge to strike. "Bob, the dreams'll stop. I promise. They'll stop soon. I won't yell no more, promise. I promise, k?" Bob finally spoke, his voice soft as rain. "It's not about that." He swallowed hard. "Who hurt you? Who gave you that much pain? I� I just want� I just want to fix it Jay." Jay almost cracked. Almost poured it all out. Almost. Instead he stood slowly, his palms pressed flat and hard against the wood. "Nuthin ta fix. No one hurt me, I did what I did I gots what I gots. Its nuthin, you hear me? nuthin'" With that said he went back to his bedroom, slamming the door hard. Scott and Bob sat and stared at each other until Scott slowly rose. "Whatever you need, when ever you need it, where ever you are" Bob stood and nodded, repeating those words with his eyes. His old friend had reached the door and was almost out of the apartment, almost gone. He stopped and spoke without turning. "The same goes for the kid, make sure he knows it." ~~~~ Bob was alone with Jay again. Jay and his demons. He read some comics Smoked a bowl. Did the dishes. Watched a movie. And finally, feel asleep half-sitting half-lying on the couch. A shift in the cushions pulled him up towards that half-awake state where everything moves slower and words sound like they are being spoken under water. A small voice drifted through the room. "Bob? You `wake Bob?" He tried to say no but a rumble was all he could manage. What seemed like hours later that soft sweet voice tickled him again. "hey Bob?� do you� um can I�? Shit." Then half of his body was warm. A long thin leg was pressing against his thigh, a shoulder was nudging him and then the sweet feeling of a head snuggling into the space between his neck and shoulder made him sigh and smile. He wrapped his arms around the warmth and shifted pulling it with him. A chuckle rumbled through him at the startled sound he heard when he lay flat on the couch and brought all of that hard angular heat to rest on top of him. He drifted, fighting the fingers of deep sleep. He was waiting for� something. When he felt that golden head snuggle back against his neck and relax he growled his approval and let those fingers pull him into sleep. Bob's heartbeat pulled Jay closer and lulled him into relaxing against the bigger man. He could *really* relax. He wasn't afraid of crushing Bob. He didn't have to be the one taking care of stuff. He could surrender to this comfort and pretend that Bob would take care of everything for a little while. **Just for a little while, just let me pretend for a little while** He rubbed his cheek against Bob's neck, loving the way he smelled. Green pot and black tobacco and cream-white soap mixed with something else� something fire red� something just Bob. He could feel Bob's pulse under his cheek. Without thinking-- **not gonna think not gonna too tired** --he shifted and kissed that pulse. He licked his lips after the soft kiss and the taste of Bob exploded on his tongue and he licked that pulse lightly, once, twice, wanting more, wanting� He wanted Bob. Wanted Bob? How could he want that? He clenched against tears. It was all true. Everything they had said. Jay pushed up but Bob's arms just tightened around him. A sleepy growl. **sleep Jay come on sleep baby sleep for me** The tears wouldn't be held back any longer and he cried silently against Bob's chest until he fell asleep. And with those arms around him and that heartbeat under his chest and that pulse so close to his lips, the dreams stayed away and Jay slept. ~~~~ Jay woke up to strong fingers tangled in his hair, stoking massaging his scalp. He moaned and shifted closer to those fingers. It felt so good. He opened his eyes and saw Bob's shirt. Covering Bob's chest. Shit. He wanted to move, he really should move. He didn't. He stayed draped across his roommate, drugged by the hands in his hair. And he remembered. A night long ago when he had a fever. His mother actually taking care of him. Remembering that she had a son. Touching him like she loved him. After the chicken soup and the aspirin she had pulled him into her lap and stroked her fingers through his hair. Of course the next day there was a new guy at the door. The aspirin was left by his bed. He broke the fever eventually. By himself. Always by himself. Bob shifted both of them up a little on the couch. He cocked one eyebrow at Jay. "Where'd you go just now?" Jay tried half-heartedly to move away but Bob kept his arms locked around Jay's waist. Jay sighed and rested his head against Bob's chest again, moving slowly, waiting to see if it was okay. He wanted to drown out all the stuff in his head with the rhythm of that heartbeat. His mind flashed on kissing Bob's neck and his face flooded with heat and color. He was glad for a moment that Bob hadn't let go. "My� my mom. She used to do that� once in a while." Bob went still underneath him. After a beat he twisted until he could see Jay's face. "Jay�" Bob started but the words got lost. He bit his lip and tried again. "Jay, she's pregnant." All the blood went rushing through the blond at an alarming rate. His heart stuttered and struggled to keep up as his mind threw daggers at him that he couldn't dodge. **replaced. old kid sucks, get a new kid. didn't tell me, coulda found me, not hard I didn't go far. Fuckfuckfuck how long? How long will he wait? How long `til he starts?** Bob hated doing this. Hated being the one to hurt Jay. He waited, watching. And when Jay started to hyperventilate he was there, helping him breathe. Talking. Talking to him. Soothing words in a mix of English and Russian. More words than he had used in a long time. TBC I know, I know. It's turning into fucking war and peace. so sorry gracie (blanche and bessie are in business)