Title: Epic
Author: HMC
Pairing: Duh.
Rated: Prolly R for horror?
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. Blah, blah, blah.
Notes: The only reason this is called 'Epic' is because I'm planning 
for this fic to be a fuckin' long one. It'll take me a while to 
finish, be patient. 
Summary: Jay and Silent Bob are put to the ultimate test.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This pain, Bob would not wish on his family's worst enemy. What was 
he feeling? Separation? Anxiety? Sadness? Something was missing 
from his soul. Something was missing that left a gap in his psyche. 
He wasn't Bob without it, he was something less than complete, 
something void of happiness. What the fuck was going on here?

It took some brainpower, but he finally realized his eyes weren't 
open. He was on his stomach, lying on the floor, dressed in what felt 
like his every day attire of t-shirt, sweater, shorts, sneakers, 
trench and backwards baseball cap. The last thing he remembered was 
laying down to go to sleep, Jay snuggling in his arms, a kiss, an 'I 
love you' here and there, and then.... this; this pain, this 
emptiness, and this general confusion. Moaning, he pulled himself to 
his feet, and opened his eyes, feeling as though he'd been punched 
straight through the chest. His skin felt like sandpaper, his legs 
like lead weights. 

The room he was in was so dark it wouldn't have mattered if his eyes 
were open or shut, so he felt around the floor with his hands, looking 
for the man that had been with him before he woke up to.... whatever 
this was. He became conscious of the fact that wherever he was, Jay 
was definitely not with him anymore, which spiked his panic level to 
its peak. "Jay?" No answer. "Jay!" But he was greeted with only 
silence, and blackness. He hazarded a step forward, arms held out 
straight, looking for a wall, a door, a window.... anything. He 
walked forward for a good five minutes, not coming in contact with so 
much as a pebble on the floor, when he started to tear up, wanting 
something to make sense. He wanted to know where he was. He wanted 
to know where Jay was.

"Stop right there." Said a familiar voice from the darkness, and Bob 
obeyed, stopping in his tracks, eyes beginning to hurt from staring 
into darkness for so long.

A single spotlight appeared on the floor, and standing in it, bathed 
in the artificial light, stood a man, though only in appearance, 
wearing a white suit, perfectly tailored to his body, topped off with 
a white fedora, one that obscured his face until he lifted his head to 
face Bob, the shadows shrinking until they disappeared completely, 
leaving only sickly pale skin behind.

Bob swore he could feel the blood draining out of his face. "Azrael." 

"Often imitated, but never duplicated. How are you Bob? Are ya 
feelin' alright? Would you like a glass of water?" He smiled a 
sugar-sweet smile, one that Bob could see right through. Then 
suddenly it was gone. The spotlight seemed to follow him as he moved, 
until he was right in front of Bob. "Why don't you have a *seat*?" 

A single hand on his chest pushed Bob downwards into a chair that had 
assimilated right under him. He watched as Azrael paced around him in 
a slow circle. "No! Don't say it, I know what you're thinking!" He 
waggled his eyebrows. Then in a voice that sounded uncannily like 
Bob's, he said, "What's going on here? Where's Jay? I thought I 
killed you!" In fact, not even his own mother would have been able to 
tell the difference. He remembered somewhere in the back of his mind 
that Serendipity had shown the same talent for imitating voices.

"To answer those; this is a test, Jay's safe for now, and you did. 
Kind of. You killed my body, and without that protective shell, my 
demon form could not sustain life, and therefore was expelled back to 
hell. Nice how everything works out, huh?" He winked. "What do you 
think, Quiet Robert? Ready for your test?"

"What are you talking about?" Bob forced out through grit teeth. 

"It speaks!! Lawdy, Lawd! You've read the bible, yes?" He continued 
before Bob could nod in the affirmative. "The temptation of Christ. 
Jesus was taken into the desert, secluded from outside contact and 
encouraged by Satan to re-evaluate his duties as the Son of God. The 
Bible doesn't do the true story justice. The actual tempting of 
Christ went on for days. Six to be exact. But it wasn't just 
temptation. No, more like Lucifer presented Jesus with six reasons to 
abandon God. On each of the six days, Jesus was shown scenarios and 
images to try and bring him over to our side. Oh, Lucifer pulled out 
all the stops, even going so far as to lay a hand on him, left quite a 
hefty bruise. He was quite a high risk to be taking. Now here's what 
you might not know." Azrael stopped in front of Bob and leaned down 
until they were almost touching noses. "Jesus was the only soul to 
not be brought over. Before him, countless humans caved under the 
awesome force of his ministrations. They either went insane, or 
abandoned God, damning themselves to hell."

Bob stared, fear gripping him by every nerve.

"Now it's your turn, Prophet." He made a wide gesture, and suddenly 
there was light. Bob blinked, trying to adjust as quickly as 
possible. When he could focus, his eyes came upon seven doors. Each 
labeled, all except for the last one.

Abandonment. Abuse. Hate. Betrayal. Weakness. Fear. ______

"If you think I'm going to play along with whatever game you're 
playing, forget it." Bob hissed, his eyes narrow slits.

Azrael merely rolled his eyes. "Oh, Robert. I anticipated your 
resistance." And suddenly sounds filled the air, pained sounds.

Jay. 

Bob could hear Jay crying, shouting, struggling, screaming. There 
were sounds of fists hitting flesh, rope being pulled tight, cruel 
laughing in the distance. Bob jumped out of his chair, looking 
frantically around as if to find where the sound was coming from. 
"Jay!! Oh, God! Jay!" He couldn't stop tears springing to his eyes 
as the sounds bombarded him from all sides, driving him insane with 
the feeling of helplessness. 

Azrael snapped his fingers and the sounds stopped, leaving only the 
painful silence. "You bastard!! You said he was safe! What's 
happening to him??" Bob demanded, hateful tears slipping down his 
face. 

"The more you resist these tests, the more your defiance affects the 
blond bombshell. I suggest you 'play along', unless you'd rather...."

"No. Fine. I'll do it. But I don't want him hurt."

"Good boy. Follow me." Azrael turned on his heel, leading Bob to the 
first door.

*Abandonment*


....tbc....