Title: Exploratory
Author: Kelandris the Mad
Fandom: View Askewniverse, somewhere between Clerks and Mallrats
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: R to NC-17; sex, sexual situations between males, drug 
references
Status: New, posted to the list 10 Septus, 2002
Archive: Yes if you let me know
Feedback: kelandris@drakmail.net
Series/Sequels: Don't expect another, but there's a vague idea 
lurking. So maybe.
Disclaimers: What Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes don't know I'm doing to 
their alter egos won't hurt them. I make no money on this, all 
characters belong to Kevin Smith and View Askew.
Notes: This came to mind after reading this line: "He often got 
scolded for that, Jay called him a tease for going so slowly all the 
time, but it was Jay's own fault for being so damn responsive in 
bed." HMC wrote that--so it's all your fault. Also props to HMC for 
reminding me of the word "keen". And props to starla for inventing 
the term "Sinet Bob", which I am willfully appropriating here. 
And "First person Bob" used to be the title. Stupid title. But I 
couldn't get the phrase out of my head, so it wandered into the story.
Summary: Bob finds himself with a lapful of Jay at a party, and 
wonders what to do with him.
Warnings: The typical stuph--graphic sex, homosexuality, drugs. Oh, 
and I'm planning on re-reading the "Dangerous Territory" series after 
this, so my writing may get dark again for a bit.
Dedication: To ren. Maybe inspire her to write something again. :>

"Exploratory"
by Kelandris


I'm afraid to touch him. I'm afraid not to. I can't remember a time 
when we ever did anything like this, but having him in my arms, 
having his body pressed against mine...it feels like...home, 
somehow. Coming home. Being home. Feeling safe, which I never felt 
*at* home. Which he *definitely* never felt at home. Fuck.

I watch him, breathing in shallow little cycles, as he slowly pulls 
off his shirt. More chill, pale skin than I usually get to see is 
right in front of my eyes, and I can't stop, I can't pull back, I 
have to touch him. I have to touch his skin, have to run my fingers 
over his chest, over the corded muscles in his arm as he balls up the 
shirt and tosses it away. God, I'm an idiot. We could be walked in 
on at any time; he didn't close the door when he came in. I feel 
pathetically exposed and pathetically grateful at the same time.

I know I'm moving them, I know I'm in control of what I'm doing, but 
I'm seeing my hands as if they're someone else's, moving towards 
Jay. Chubby spatulate fingers, more comfortable holding a cigarette 
than holding a slightly shivering boy four years younger than me, and 
they're touching him, stroking his skin, running over the muscles 
over his ribs.

I want him so bad right now, it hurts. *I* hurt. It's a literal 
ache, deep in my chest, almost curls me over with the pain of it. He 
doesn't seem to notice. I look into his stormy, glazed eyes and 
sigh. He's about as high as I've ever seen him, the pupils so large 
the teal coloration is just a knife-edge narrow ring around the 
black. He grins down at me, that looped sardonic smile I know so 
fucking well. I watch, barely able to keep breathing, as he drapes 
his arms around my shoulders, curling his hands around the back of my 
neck. His fingers are moving through my hair, and I'm suddenly so 
hard, so hard for *him*...Check that shit, huh? Hard for my 
motherfucking roommate.

"C'mon, Sinet Bob," he slurs. "Gowanan kiss me. Ya know ya fuckin' 
wanna..."

I do, I do want. I want with a desperate ache I don't think I've 
ever felt before, for anybody. Lived with this idiot for eight years 
now and suddenly I figure out I want him? Have I always wanted him? 
Have I...

Oh. God. He's...kissing me.

I'm afraid to move, afraid to breathe, afraid to lift my hands to 
where they want to be--wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling 
him closer, wrapping my other arm around his slight form and pulling 
him tight against me. My hands feel like large lead weights attached 
to my arms.

How did this happen, I suddenly wonder. I remember coming in here, I 
remember sitting down on the foot of the bed, pulling out a Bluntman 
and Chronic comic from an inside coat pocket, and beginning to read. 
I remember--

With a searing flash that makes me gasp, I remember why I came into 
the small side room. Jay had been dancing. Jay had been dancing at 
the party and he'd pulled some nameless cutie out onto the dance 
floor with him because I'd said no as usual. He'd asked. I blinked, 
stunned, temporarily distracted from the wonder of Jay's soft lips. 
He'd actually *asked* me to dance with him. Holy fuck.

And then I'd turned, unable to watch him gyrate with her any longer, 
and opened the first door I came to. And I'd been quietly reading, 
calming down, when he suddenly came in--giggling, of all freakish 
things--and climbed into my lap. He'd taken the comic out of my 
hands, or maybe I'd just dropped it in shock. And he'd--

"Hey," he said, pulling back. "You in `nere?"

I blinked, pulled back to the present. God. I can't breathe. I 
can't move. If I move he'll feel that bar of steel I'm uncomfortably 
carrying for him, and I don't want him to laugh, I don't want him to 
make some stupid homophobic remark. I couldn't take it. Not now. 
Not when he's just kissed me. Not when he's curled up in my lap. 
Not when--

Oh. God. His hands...they're moving. One of them's sliding 
underneath my waistband and--

I buck forward, against his touch, against the chill presence of his 
fingers, while the breath shudders out of me.

"Dere, now, fucker...I gots your attention *now*, huh?"

"Jay--" I whisper.

"Shut up, already. Fuck, you talk too much." He giggles again, and 
swoops down, pinning me flat against the bed. He moves against me, 
trapping his hand between us, and I can't keep the whimpers back. 
Oh, God, I want. God, please God, let me have. Just let me have 
this, once.

Oh, God. He's never going to remember this. Or fuck, what if he 
remembers *everything*?

He'll fucking kill me. Damn. First person Bob, I can see it--he'll 
get out that little knife he used to always carry, and stab, slash, 
that'll be it. I'll be in the hospital or underground. All because 
I wanted to kiss my roommate. All because I wanted to--

Ahhh...He's kissing me again. And suddenly, I know I need to shut my 
head up for a while, because it's making me too distracted to 
appreciate the slowly warming blond in my arms. I'm obscurely glad; 
he was so cold, I was beginning to worry about him. Must be a side 
effect of the--

"HOLY FUCK!" I yell.

Jay looks up, grinning that loopy grin again, shaking his head.

"Damn, Sinet Boom. You wan' an audience?"

I freeze suddenly, looking out the door with very wide brown eyes. 
They're only a little darker than the awful paneling in here, and 
now, I'm adding observations of the interior d�cor to watching 
fearfully for hall traffic and trying to keep breathing. Because I 
can't, I can*not*, concentrate on what Jay's doing, because Jay's 
pulling down my pants and Jay's pulling down my shorts and Jay's 
wrapping his fingers around my twitching cock and--

He breathes out slowly. I hear him, from my vantage point, half-
propped up.

"Happy birfday to me," he whispers under his breath. And then he 
swallows me.

I arch off the bed again, whimpering, clenching my eyes shut. Oh, 
God. Oh, sweet, merciful God, if You have ever loved me...I pray 
erratically, hips bucking into his warm, wet mouth, and he's still 
laughing quietly. The sensation of his voice against my sensitive 
skin is unreal, it's like little electrical shocks rippling in 
pattern over my dick. Which is in Jay's mouth. Oh, *God*--

"Mmm," he says, swirling his tongue around the head, and I can't seem 
to inhale fully, and I'm as paranoid as if I've been doing lines of 
coke all night, and I can't pull my eyes away from the door--

With an intense physical effort, I do pull my eyes away from the view 
of the hallway, and I fix them on the blond. Suddenly I realize this 
is a very, *very* bad idea. I watch Jay, watch that blond head bob 
at my crotch, and I'm having trouble breathing now, and oh, fuck, oh 
fuck, I'm going to come--

His eyes dart up, capturing mine. He pulls back, pulls his tongue up 
the length of me, and sucks, hard, on the head. With a gasp, I'm 
twitching, moaning, coming, bucking against his face, and he doesn't 
seem to mind any of this.

And hey, check *this* out--the boy swallows. Man...I watch, dazed, 
as he rises, sliding over my body like an oiled puppy, wriggling in 
spots.

"Big Bob," he breathes, and leans in, and nibbles on one of my ears. 
I gasp, now, and my eyes cross as I feel my dick harden. So fucking 
soon...it's gotta be Jay. I don't *believe* this shit.

Growling, I flip him, press against him, my hands busy at his cut-
offs, untying the knot he always makes of the drawstring. He's 
pushing my coat off my shoulders, down off my arms, and pulling at 
the t-shirt, and now I'm shucking his pants and his shorts down, and 
seeing even more pale flesh than I've ever seen. In eight years, he 
has flashed his dick at me a great number of times, I now remember, 
but I've only seen it in limp noodle condition. Now, that pale thin 
spear is rising from the thatch of gold between his legs, and I'm 
genuinely torn between sucking him off and going with the original 
plan, if he lets me.

Fuck it. I'll sneak up on him later and blow him; boy won't know 
what hit him, with any luck, and won't hit me for it. But now...I 
search through pockets of the coat that's mid-mast on my body, and 
grimace. Shit! Of all the times not to pack shit! All I find is 
one unlubed condom, no lube anywhere, and man, we are *going* to need 
lube for this...

I lunge upwards, bringing our cocks together for the first time, and 
we both gasp and twitch. Jay starts bucking against me, saying my 
name over and over, clutching at me, and it's so fucking hard not to 
just drop everything and grind against him, grind until we're both 
sweaty, sticky, breathing hard...

My eyes cross with the effort to keep on track. Shit. It's his own 
damn fault for being so beautiful. I fumble open the bedside drawer, 
hoping beyond reason that someone puts shit the same places I do. 
And eureka, we've hit the mother-fucking-lode, man! I see a couple 
of *lubricated* condoms, and a big bottle of Astroglide, thank you 
God, and even a little pack of tissues. Gee. Someone was being 
considerate...

Meanwhile, Jay's bucking up against me, seeing what my hands now hold.

"Oh fuck," he breathes, "fuck fuck fuck...You're gonna *kill* me wit' 
dat thing, yeah...Fuck yeah, wan' it, wan' it, Sinet Bob..."

I nearly drop the bottle, hearing him.

Shaking my head, I open the condom, squirt a little lube in the tip, 
and unroll it down my straining cock with hands that only slightly 
shake. I coat my palm with more lube, rubbing it into the latex, 
then slowly part Jay's legs. Apparently, though, he's done this 
before, or really fucking wants it now, because he pulls his legs 
back, grabbing his upper thighs, pulling his own legs wide. Fuck. 
Yeah.

And then it hits me and I have to suppress a giggle, because he would 
*not* fucking understand...He's pretty much nude, has a hemp bracelet 
around one wrist and one white sock left on his right foot. Me, I 
have a t-shirt pushed up, a leather coat pushed down, sweatpants at 
my knees and the big-ass Doc boots he bought me last Christmas. I 
shake my head, trying to think straight.

Well, no. Can't say I'm doing that. Can't say I'm thinking straight 
at *all*...especially not with one finger worming its way into Jay's 
tight little ass, hearing the breath shudder out of him, hearing him 
begin to moan my name.

"Fuck, Bob, yeah...yeah, Bob, jus' like dat, yeah..."

I squirt more lube against the point where my flesh disappears into 
his, and work two fingers in, twisting them around each other, 
spreading them apart. Fuck, he's tight. I may not be able to do 
this.

Jay's tossing his head from side to side now, strands of blond hair 
whipping the coverlet. He's keening, this high, desperate noise in 
the back of his throat, and he's arching his hips up to meet me as 
I'm slowly stretching the point of entry. Two fingers. More lube. 
Three fingers. More lube. Four, sliding in with effort...

We're both panting now, and Jay's biting his lips, occasionally 
clenching his eyes shut. I lean in, concerned.

"Hey," I say softly. "You okay?"

He snaps open his eyes, and I just have time to notice there's more 
teal than black now, when he kisses me, savagely, openmouthed, his 
tongue darting out to wrap around mine and pull it past his teeth. 
He sucks on it, hard, earning a whimper from me, and then breaks the 
kiss, pulling back.

"If you don't fuck me soon," he says, sounding serious and dangerous 
and scarily *sober*, "I'm gonna beat the shit outta you an' *then* 
make you fuck me anyway."

I swallow, blinking, but other parts of me seem to have other ideas. 
I rotate my fingers inside him, curling them up against the inside of 
his anal passage, and bingo, I must have touched *something*, because 
he arches off the bed, mouth open, nearly screaming. I lean down 
quick, kissing him, and he wraps his arms around me, filling my mouth 
with the screams he couldn't release before. His hips are bucking 
frantically against mine, and in near wonder, I touch that spot I 
touched before.

He keens again, breaking off the kiss, his hands flying down to his 
cock.

"Fuckin' tease, fuckin' fuckin tease," he whimpers, "shoulda known 
fuckin' better, you shit, you fuckin' shit--"

He's nearly crying. Damn. Guys have a G spot? Who fucking knew?

I pull my hand free, squirting more lube into the other hand to coat 
the rubber with. I guide the head of my cock against his ass, and 
push in between the cleft, watching the head sink slowly inside Jay.

Holy God, he's tight. Holy *fuck*, he's tight around *me*. He's so 
tight, and so *hot*, and so...

I look up at his face, and his eyes have rolled back in his head. 
Concerned, I start to pull out, and he snaps his eyes back around and 
glares at me.

"You fuckin' stop now I'll break both your goddamn legs," he growls. 

Right. Not pulling out. Okay. Slowly, slowly, nearly afraid to 
breathe, I inch into him, and he's not making it easy. He's bucking 
his hips, and pulling at my back with his hands. They're 
everywhere. He seems to have sprouted more hands, actually. I'm 
trying to go slow, and easy, and make this gentle, `cause I know how 
big I am. I've hurt girls before, back when I was stupid, and didn't 
realize, and I don't want to hurt Jay. I don't *ever* want to hurt 
Jay.

But Jay takes that decision away from me. He wraps his long legs 
around my hips, and jackknifes his hips up as he pulls his legs in 
tight, and suddenly, I'm in. I'm *in* Jay, completely, and Jay's 
sobbing, his chest heaving, and shit, I've hurt him, I've hurt him, I 
never wanted to do that...I'm wiping his tears away, apologizing, 
kissing him, kissing away his tears.

He snorts, shaking his head. Mercurial as ever, my Jay. Least I 
know I'm not dreaming.

"Fuck dat, Bob. Jus' more `n I expected, thass all. Gimme a minute."

Gladly, I think. I'm kind of confused here, truth be told. Former 
straight guy plunged to the hilt in former straight roommate...Fuck. 
Never expected to be here. Kind of freaked out by it. Kind of 
freaked out by how much Jay seems to like it. Kind of freaked out by 
how much *I* seem to like it. Lots of freaking, actually.

And fuck, hut he's clamped tight around me. I can feel little 
shivers through him, like little contractions, and God, but that 
feels good. It's better, so much better, than that vibrating sheath 
I bought once, on a whim in Highlands. And suddenly, I realize I've 
totally forgotten the open door behind us, and I tense up, turning my 
head to look--

And Jay pulls it back, kissing me, kissing my lips open, kissing 
along my jaw line, kissing my ears, making me shudder. He draws a 
wet trail across my neck, nibbling here and there, and returns to my 
mouth, capturing my tongue again, pulling it against his. Here we go 
again, I think, only this time, the taste of him seems to explode 
inside me. Pot, and oranges, for some reason, and some slightly 
bitter aftertaste that reminds me of the one day I licked the contact 
points on a nine-volt and made my tongue go numb. And some sugary 
sweetness that pops across my tongue and dazzles my vision briefly. 
Whoa.

And then he's pulling on me again, not breaking the kiss this time, 
fingers fluttering along the bare skin of my back, under the coat. I 
slowly pull out, breathing hard into his mouth, and slide back in, 
eyes crossing with the sensation.

Jay pulls back, looking at me.

"Faster," he whispers.

I go faster. I pump into him, biting *my* lip now, drunk with 
wanting him. Smooth, even strokes, in and out--or as smooth as I can 
manage, right now, because his chest and face are flushed with the 
effort, and I can still feel his hands curled up around his cock, his 
knuckles grazing my belly.

"Yeah," he whispers. "Yeah. Harder. Yeah."

Harder. Shit. I push his legs back, not even remembering when he 
released them from their lock around my waist, and spread his legs 
apart. I look around, lean forward slightly, watching as Jay's eyes 
bug out from being suddenly bent in half, and grab a pillow. I wedge 
it as neatly as I can under Jay's lifted hips, then pull back.

Oh, yeah. *Much* better angle now. Good to know that works on guys, 
too.

I have a sudden flash of what I've always thought of as `gay 
traditional'--Jay moaning, twitching against me, leaning over the arm 
of the couch, and me behind him, fucking him nearly brutally, taking 
him from behind...

"Oh yeah, yeah baby, fuck yeah, like that, *like* that, *just* like 
that, yeah..."

I realize with a sudden twitch that I've sped up, that I've been 
pounding Jay's ass in time with that little mini-fantasy I just 
played out, and Jay *likes* it. Holy shit, what have I gotten myself 
into, here?

He's whimpering, he's twitching, he's got one hand pumping his cock 
and the other hand pulling at me. I'm holding his legs in the air 
and...and...*savaging* his ass, there is *no* other word for it. But 
he's smiling, he's grinning when he's not moaning, or twitching, 
or...God...*clenching*...around...me...

Jay yells through clenched teeth, trying to keep the sound low, and 
shudders against me. I feel the splash of hot fluid against my 
belly. He came. He came, from me. He...oh. Fuck. Oh, *fuck*--

"Jay," I moan, shuddering. "I'm gonna--I can't--I'm, I'm--"

And that's all I can stand, watching him shudder beneath me, the 
entreaty in his eyes, the fact that he's nodding and that his feet 
are wrapped around my waist again, holding my hips tightly against 
him--

And I come, jetting what feels like gallons of semen into the condom, 
wanting for a strange, scary instant to be spurting directly into 
Jay, and fuck, I've *seen* some of the places Jay's been, I have *no* 
illusions that he's always a safe-sex boy...On the other hand, I do 
want to suck him off, so that's kind of inconsistent...

My cock twitches inside him as I slowly pull out, and Jay shudders 
and gasps as I do. I turn away, knotting the condom with a practiced 
twist, even though I don't get much practice, frankly, and toss it 
into a little trash bin covered in butterflies. I spend some time 
not looking at Jay, afraid to look at Jay, rearranging clothes. I 
hear him getting dressed behind me, making these little amused 
noises, and finally I can't take it anymore. I turn around.

He's sitting on the edge of the bed, just staring at me. I swallow. 
I arch an eyebrow.

"What?" I finally say. He grins. 

"Mother*fuck*, Bob...think ya fucked the drugs outta me," he says. 
Grinning.

I blink. I cringe. Oh, shit. He's gonna kill me for sure--

He just shakes his head, watching the panic cross my face.

"C'mon, tons-o-fun, let's blow this place. Let's go home an'--" His 
eyes meet mine, and his eyebrows raise. I shudder, twitch, gasp, and 
*fuck*, if I'm not getting hard again...

Jay sees all this and grins again, looping an arm through 
mine. "Yeah," he says softly. "Like dat." And he cackles, leading 
me out of the room.

Well. This is going to be interesting...I may die, but it might be 
through sex. With Jay. How fucking cool is that?

END
******************
Kelandris the Mad
all the dollies are gagged