Title: Fantasy
Author: Kelandris the Mad
Fandom: View Askewniverse
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: NC-17 for plotless smut that yet manages to invoke smarm
Status: New
Archive: The traditional places. If you don't know what the 
traditional places are, you might want to write and ask. And here's 
how:
Feedback: kel@crazysheep.net
Series/Sequels: Don't really think so. Should be a one-shot.
Disclaimers: Kevin Smith, View Askew Productions, Jason Mewes, Scott 
Mosier, and Miramax have creative control and ownership of Jay and 
Silent Bob. I am just an insignificant slasher who wants the boys to 
have fun now that they've retired. I'm not even charging them.
Notes: This is how weird the Kel mind gets at times. We were 
decorating the tree, and we have this matte-finish violin in clear 
plastic, and I hung it in front of a red light, and the red light 
shone through it, and... See? I told you. This is my weird mind. 
There was nothing sexual happening to give me ideas like this. :>
Summary: Bob looks in on Jay at the wrong time. Or the right one.
Warnings: Homosexuality, m/m sex graphically depicted, men using 
dildos, Panicked!Bob.

"Fantasy"
by Kelandris


"Uhhh..."

Bob turned over, frowning slightly. Damn thin walls, the neighbors 
must be up late. He blinked in the darkness, irritated.

"Yeah...fuck..."

Bob's eyes widened. Shit, that was Jay's voice. He stopped 
breathing for a moment.

"Oh yeah...oh yeah...like that, baby, like that..."

Now Bob was more than irritated. How many times had he told the 
little fuck-up, do *not* bring his one-night-stands home? If he was 
actually dating, *and* Bob knew them, that was one thing. But some 
little chick Jay got because of some free pot was likely to rifle 
through their wallets and their CDs and be gone to the pawnshop. Who 
needed the aggravation?

"Harder... uhh... .oh yeah, so gooood..."

Bob blinked, sitting up. *Harder*? His mind raced, tossing 
possibilities left and right. It couldn't be... Jay couldn't have... some 
*guy* in there??

Rising silently, he padded to the connecting door between the two 
rooms. He pressed his ear against the wood, listening, barely 
breathing.

"Uhh... yeah... yeah, baby... more... more... so good, want it so bad..."

He had to see. He had to. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. 
He put his hand on the doorknob, and then stopped himself. He shook 
his head. No. He couldn't. That would be the deepest violation of 
both Jay's friendship and Jay's person. He had to just... let it be, 
let Jay finish, with... whoever the guy was... Bob noticed his teeth were 
gritting together, and relaxed his jaw muscles. 

No. He should just go back to bed. Observe the rules of propriety, 
try to ignore the sounds coming through the door, and fall back 
asleep. If the guy was there in the morning, he'd ask for an 
explanation. It was the only logical course of action.

"Oooh... yeah... Bob..." 

Jay's moan cut off in a whimper and a gasp, and Bob saw red.

**Bring a fucking guy, into MY home, with MY name, to fuck MY 
roommate--** He grimaced, striding to the door, turning the knob 
silently and opening it a hair's breadth to peer through. Fuck 
logic. Fuck propriety. This was insulting.

In the half-light through Jay's window, he saw several things at once 
that made the anger drain away. First was Jay, leaning forward on 
the bed, hair hanging over his face, shuddering. Sweat sheened his 
pale skin, light glittering across his back as he inhaled. The 
second was that Jay was alone in the room. Third... the third made him 
gulp, and he felt himself grow almost painfully hard. The third 
thing was that Jay knelt on the bed over a translucent red dildo, 
halfway inside him, and he was straining to get the rest in.

Clinically, Bob saw why he was having trouble. The angle was all 
wrong. He either had to spread his legs farther apart, and just sit 
down carefully, or kneel and have someone else pump in from behind--

The dark-haired man swallowed, gripping the door. He had been 
thinking of holding the dildo. He had been thinking of throwing the 
dildo aside, and plunging into Jay himself. Hearing all those 
whispered words directed at him.

**Shit, Bob, close the door now, before this gets entirely out of--**

Jay looked up.

"Oh fuck!" he squeaked. Then anger, the anger that was ever-present 
in Jay, boiled up from inside, and he rose from the bed. The dildo 
fell out, dropping to its side to gleam redly, and it was the span of 
a full heartbeat before Bob could tear his eyes away from the 
detailed curves.

Jay stalked to the connecting door, seemingly unmindful of the fact 
that he was naked, and visibly erect. He pushed the door open, 
staring at Bob, who wore an ancient, nearly translucent t-shirt, and 
a pair of grey boxers. The boxers tented out with Bob's erection. 
Jay looked down, noticing for the first time.

**Oh, shit, we're doomed. Oh, shit, we're doomed. Oh shit we're--**

"Hey," Jay said, distracting Bob from the panicked chant. Bob looked 
up at Jay, dared to look at the anger and betrayal in Jay's sapphire-
shifting eyes.

It wasn't there. Bob's brow furrowed, wondering why, and Jay just 
shook his head.

"You were listening, bitch. Ain't that right?" he asked smugly.

**I, uh, no, that is, I was just checking in on you, no big deal, 
I'll just go back to bed now--**

Bob shook his head. He was somewhere between calm and terrified, and 
he wished he knew which emotion he were closer to. It would make it 
easier for Bob to cope.

**Doomed, I tell you! We're doomed!**

Jay shook his head. "Nah, I know you were listening. Wanna know how 
I know?"

**Not especially. Believe me, I'm quite tired, I'll just nip off to 
bed now...**

Jay reached down, grabbing Bob's penis through the layer of soft 
cloth. Bob gasped, and Jay pumped him in his grip, smiling all the 
while.

He leaned in, never letting go, brushing across Bob's ear with his 
lips.

"Maybe I ain't the only one here with fantasies about his roommate," 
he whispered.

**Oh God oh God oh God oh God--**

"Um," Bob said.

**Ooh, yeah, *wow* `im with those big words, Bob! Jesus Christ. 
He's gonna kill us. *I'm* gonna kill us. We're all gonna die!**

Meanwhile another part of his brain was playing over and over the 
sensation of Jay's lips moving against his ear. It was making it 
hard for his knees to hold him up.

"That's it?" Jay whispered. "Um?"

"I, uh..." Bob stuttered. Jay opened his mouth, licking the shell of 
Bob's ear, and he jerked, slamming against the door jamb.

"Fuck..." he breathed. Jay's smile grew wider.

"Really? What about this?"

And Jay leaned in, pressing himself hard against Bob, grinding his 
hips in slow, luxurious rolls. He licked from Bob's ear down to his 
neck while Bob gasped and twitched, his eyes fluttering closed.

**I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming, and I have to stop, I have to stop or 
I'll wake up with the sheets all sticky--** It wouldn't be the first 
time that had happened. He never knew what he had dreamed about--

**Jay--**

--but it was enough to get him hard, brushing against the soft 
flannel bedsheets--

**Jay, writhing under him, begging him to fuck him harder, drive in 
deeper--**

--and making him do more laundry than he really felt he needed to in 
any given day. He shook his head, blinking.

And Jay was still there, looking at him. He pulled back, leaning 
against the other side of the door jamb.

"Y'know what your problem is?" Jay asked.

Several things sprang to mind and he dismissed them with a head shake.

"You think too fuckin' much. I'll make it simple for ya. You wanna 
fuck or not?"

**Of course, this is all some exquisitely prepared jest on Jay's 
part, and I for one intend to tell him this is absolutely not funny. 
Any minute now. Watch me go.**

Jay stared at him, and finally sighed.

"Sometimes I'm glad I'm stupid. I never have to sit around and 
fuckin' think when someone offers to bone me."

Bob blinked. Replies occurred and died in his head, never making it 
past his lips. The only one that did was a quiet protest.

"You're not stupid," he whispered.

"Nah," Jay laughed, "I'm *real* talented. Watch." And he sank to 
his knees on the carpet, pulling down Bob's boxers, and curled his 
hands around the soft skin wrapped around the steel bar of Bob's 
cock. He licked the head, looking up and watching Bob twitch and 
gasp.

"Pick a bed, baby," he murmured. Bob blinked. His bed? It was 
bigger. He looked into Jay's room, and a slow smile crept over his 
face. On the other hand, Jay's bed had toys...

He gestured towards Jay's room. "That way," he gasped, and Jay stood 
again.

"Decisive man. Took you fuckin' long enough. C'mon." Jay led Bob 
into his room, onto his bed, and he was about to throw the dildo 
aside when Bob stopped him.

"Huh?"

"Don't." He arched his eyebrows, staring at the blond. The man 
shivered, then smiled.

"Yeah, dude, whatever. Now what you gonna do?"

Bob thought for a moment, planning out the logistics as he stripped. 
Jay's appreciative glances did not help his coordination, but 
finally, his clothes were on the floor and he was leaning back on the 
bed. Jay raised his eyebrows.

Bob scanned the bed. Dildo, there. Lube, a little farther up. Jay, 
looking impatient. He smiled, reaching out and grabbing Jay, pulling 
him against his body, and traced his parted lips with one fingertip. 
He felt shudders tremble through Jay and he smiled again, in awe. 
This tall golden beauty wanted him. Wanted him enough to take a 
greater risk than Bob ever had. Damn, that was hot. That was just--

Jay kissed his fingertip, then sucked it in, sucked it hard, head 
bobbing over the extended digit.

"Uhh..." said Bob.

Jay pulled his mouth off, licking the tip. "Had to do something," he 
whispered. "Want you, want you so bad."

Bob nearly heard the sizzle of discharging electricity through his 
brain. Synapses melted into glittering pools, his eyes unfocusing. 
**Want--me? Want me? Want--**

Jay tapped him on the forehead. "Helloooo?"

Bob shook his head. **Sorry.** Then he pushed Jay's head down 
towards his cock, gasping when those lips first grazed over him. 
Then Jay opened his mouth, swallowing him, sucking him in, and he 
felt Jay's hand curl around the base of his cock again.

"Ohh..."

"Mm-hmm," Jay murmured, and Bob's eyes crossed at the sensation of 
words against his skin.

Meanwhile, Bob uncapped the bottle of lube, smearing some along the 
dildo. He pulled the lower half of Jay's body towards him, and 
parted the cheeks of Jay's ass one-handed. He centered the dildo 
against his puckered entrance, and pushed, slowly gliding it inside 
Jay once more.

Jay screamed, arching up, his entire body shuddering.

"Oh, fuck, oh fuck, oh *fuck* me, yeah, yeah!"

"Did I say you could stop?" Bob asked. His voice, pitched low, 
traveled over Jay like a caress, and Jay shuddered, falling down 
again to prop himself on his arms.

"I, uh, yeah, uh, little hard to concentrate, here--"

"Try." And he pushed two more inches of the dildo into Jay.

The blond cried out again, bucking back against the red latex, and 
lowered trembling lips to Bob. He licked when he could, but mostly, 
he just panted, sending freshets of heated air over the head of Bob's 
cock. It didn't matter. It was just as intense, just as hot, as 
when Bob was actually being sucked.

He slid another few inches into Jay, beginning to pump in and out 
with the dildo, and Jay whimpered, urging him on with words he 
couldn't quite make out. Knowing he was doing this, he was 
responsible for the trembling and the shuddering and Jay's whimpered 
cries nearly brought him to the edge anyway, and he began to tremble.

Then Jay shook his head.

"Nah, nah, we hafta stop," Jay moaned.

**Stop? Now? You're delirious.**

"Why?" Bob asked aloud.

A fresh burst of trembling overtook Jay, and he collapsed on top of 
Bob, ass in the air and pumping back against the hand that held the 
toy.

"Want... you... want you *in* me... want you fuckin' me... not some...
*thing*, `kay? Need you, need you, hard and fast, fuckin' me..."

Jay turned towards Bob, looking over his shoulder. His eyes were 
wide, pleading, sparkling blue in the semi-dark.

"Please, baby?" he moaned. "Need you. Need you, need you, please..."

Slowly, Bob pulled out the dildo, tossing it aside. Jay shuddered, 
crying out, and watched as he reached for the lube. Jay sat up, 
holding his hands out for it.

Bob frowned slightly, handing the bottle to the blond. 

"Jay, I... I haven't done this before. I don't want to hurt you."

"Fuck, hurt me, cut me, beat me, `long as you fuck me," he said. He 
uncapped the lube, spreading some on his hands, reaching down to rub 
the slick clear stuff onto Bob. Bob bit his lip, gasping again.

"And I..." Damn, this was hard. He rubbed the back of his neck, and 
tried to ignore what Jay was doing. The things Jay was doing with 
his hands were terribly distracting. Arousing, but distracting.

"I," he gasped. "I may not last that long."

Jay looked up and smiled. "Think I will? Fuck, I may shoot my load 
the minute you're in. You have no idea how long I been dreamin' on 
this."

**Oh. Oh, my. Long time, you say? I had no idea. I've been 
incredibly dense. Just, fantastically, incredibly, dense. On a 
scale of--**

Jay tapped the head of his penis, and it stung a little. Bob looked 
down, shocked.

"Stay with me, sweetness. I ain't done with you yet." 

Jay reached down, pulling Bob up to a seated position, then turned 
around himself. He trembled, his hair falling over his face again, 
and knelt with his legs parted.

"Do it," he whispered. "Fuck me. Fuck me, Bob."

Bob rose to his knees, grasping Jay's hips with one hand, and guiding 
his cock towards Jay with the other. There was a slight amount of 
resistance, but the dildo had widened him considerably, and he popped 
in after a moment of breathing hard Jay twitched underneath him.

"Uhhh..." he moaned. 

Bob tried to remember to breathe, hands holding Jay's hips. Jay was 
so tight around him, so hot. He pushed in another careful inch, and 
Jay bucked against him, crying out. He slid another five inches in, 
and cried out himself. Jay was so *tight*...

"Yeah... fuck..."

"Mmm," Bob replied, and pulled some of his length out, so he could 
push more in. Jay was helping now, thrusting back against him, 
tossing his hair back over his shoulder.

"Harder... uhh... .oh yeah, so gooood..."

Dizzied, Bob looked around. Wait. Hadn't he heard all this before? 
He had a sudden vision of himself listening against the door in his 
room, and wondering what would happen when he opened the door *this* 
time. He thought, if that happened, he might quite likely die of 
heart failure.

"Uhh... yeah... yeah, baby... more... more... so good, want it so bad..."

**You're not the only one,** he thought, and pushed Jay's legs apart 
wider, thrusting deeply into him, over and over. It wasn't going to 
take long. He wanted it to take longer. But Jay moaning, thrusting 
against him, hearing their combined breathing loud in the air... it was 
too much. It was too much for anyone to bear.

"Bob!" Jay screamed, arching back against him. He was buried nearly 
to the hilt, and it bent him at an odd angle. It wasn't comfortable, 
but it wasn't directly painful, either, and Jay was arching into his 
arms. That was more than worth a little discomfort.

He rained kisses on his lover's shoulders, nearly coming at the 
thought. Jay. His lover. His Jay. Oh, man, this was better than 
Christmas.

Bob's hands encircled Jay's twitching cock, and Jay bucked against 
the curled fingers, gasping, moaning his name, stroking hands through 
his dark hair.

"Fuck, yeah, fuck, fuck, gonna come, Bob, gonna come, baby--gonna, 
gonna, come... right--NOW!"

And he arched his back again, dropping his head on Bob's shoulder, 
spurting across Bob's hands, down his belly, across the bedsheets 
below. Shuddering, twitching, gasping, Jay leaned back down, shaking 
as he braced himself again.

"Come for me, baby," he whispered. "Come for me. Come inside me, 
Bob, please, need you to, need you."

Bob sped up, thrusting into Jay roughly, his breathing unsteady. He 
was so close. He was *so* close. 

"Baby, I need you, need you to come in me, want you..." Jay looked 
back over his shoulder again, biting his lip.

"Love you," he whispered, then turned his head away.

That was all it took. Bob thrust into him, screaming, pounding him 
into the mattress, driven mad with lust and desire. Jay gasped 
beneath him, crying out, screaming as Bob jetted hot fluid deep 
inside him. Barely giving him a chance to recover, he pulled out of 
Jay, earning another deep cry from the blond. He pulled Jay up, 
pulled Jay against him, and kissed him savagely.

Jay's cock twitched against his hip and he ignored it, 
concentrating. He kissed Jay breathlessly, wordlessly, savagely, 
swallowing the moans that Jay offered. He realized he was growing 
hard again and Jay's fingernails raked his back, thrusting against 
him with Jay's own growing hardness.

But he didn't want to stop. He had to kiss Jay. He had to *own* 
Jay, everything he could, and he kept kissing him. He broke only to 
kiss some other part of Jay, the line of his jaw, his cheek, his 
neck, realizing how sensitive his neck was when Jay thrust against 
him, gasping and crying out. He licked across Jay's ears, moved down 
to Jay's collarbone, tracing heated licks and kisses over all the 
skin he could reach. Then he trailed his lips upward to fasten on 
Jay's again.

Jay began thrusting hard against him, and Bob angled his hips so that 
Jay was thrusting directly against his cock. Jay broke away, 
gasping, mouth wide, and Bob just looked at him.

"What, love?" he asked softly, and Jay stared at him, eyes wide.

"You said--you said--you called me--AHHH!" And he came again, 
slicking them both down with semen and sweat, and the slippery 
friction between them brought Bob to the edge again, and happily 
over. He thrust brutally against Jay, fingers holding his hips tight 
against him, thrusting until he splashed them both with come that 
felt fever-hot.

Slowly their breathing eased, and the intensity passed. He still 
kissed Jay, but softly, gently, exploring the surfaces of Jay's lips, 
Jay's mouth, with all the delicacy he possessed. Finally, Jay pulled 
away, looking down at him sleepily.

"If you help, I think we c'n make it to the shower," he said. He 
looked around. "But I think this bed's a total loss." He looked 
back at Bob, who slowly sat up, weaving a bit, and held his hand out 
to Jay.

"C'n I sleep in your bed?" he asked shyly.

**For the rest of your life,** Bob thought. He nodded, softly 
smiling, and Jay smiled back.

"Cool."

END
*****
Kelandris the Mad
and all your bad days will end (flaming lips)