Title: Happy Halloween Author: Grampy Volvo Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob Rating: NC-17. Archive: Always. Feedback: More than welcome. Warning: None really. But there IS a slight amount of blood involved. Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not that you guys don't already know this, I just don't want to get sued or anything. No ownership, no money, no nothing. Just good clean fun. Or at least good fun. ;) A/N: In response to Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald's comment. I decided to give the plot bunny life. Bob tapped his foot impatiently as he stood outside Jay's room. He looked at his watch, then looked out of the window. It was quite late; Bob could see the moon and stars shining brightly outside. He felt absolutely ridiculous and wanted to get Jay's new hare-brained idea over with. Jay had somehow convinced him to go trick-or- treating -- how could Silent Bob ever say no to those pleading amber eyes? So there Bob was, standing in the corridor dressed as a hobo (a rather last minute choice that involved only the Salvation Army and dirt from the bottom of his Chucks) and waiting for Jay to unveil his surprise costume. "Quit it! I can hear your fucking foot tapping from in here!" Jay yelled. Bob heard some straining noises from inside the room, followed by the sound of a zipper, and raised his eyebrow. "OW!" Jay's unexplained scream almost sent Bob into protective-mode; he had to restrain himself from rushing into the room and spoiling the surprise. "I'm okay . . . damn it," Jay weakly reassured. More and more time passed and Silent Bob began to worry that the neighborhood wouldn't be too happy to see two grown men at their door so late at night. Soft clicking noises sufficiently distracted him from his thoughts as his mind wandered to the possiblities of Jay's costume. He scratched his head puzzledly and moved closer to the door. "I can HEAR you LISTENING, Lunchbox," Jay remarked. "Jeez, for the silent fucker you're supposed to be, you're damn noisy." Silent Bob blushed a little and moved back. He sighed, beginning to feel a little tired, and sat against the wall directly in front of the doorway. As soon as he felt himself drifting off to sleep, he heard louder clicking and the door opened. Jay stood in front of Silent Bob with a crimson, lipsticked smirk on his face. Smoky eyeshadow and long fake lashes framed his grinningly evil hazel eyes. A white hat with a red cross in the middle stood atop his ironed-straight dirty blonde hair. A short white patent leather dress was all that protected Jay from the elements; the sleeves ended at his thin biceps and the whole thing barely reached the halfway point between the top of his thigh and his knee. Clear four-inch heels made Jay look impossibly more leggy. "So, what do you think?" Jay asked Silent Bob with a smirk. Silent Bob could barely keep his head on straight -- or his hands to himself -- but he noticed a small red line on Jay's thigh. He pointed to it. "Cut myself shaving." Silent Bob stifled a giggle. "That's not funny! That shit hurt!" Bob stood up, looked Jay up and down and smirked. "So you like it?" Jay made sure to use extra tongue on the word "like". Bob nodded, his eyes widening at Jay's subtle seduction. Jay looked out of the window at the pitch blackness and sighed. "Too bad it's too late to go trick-or-treating, huh," he said as he sashayed back into his room. "No use for this fucking kick-ass costume." Silent Bob's jaw dropped as he followed Jay back into the room. Jay sat on the bed with an exaggerated pout, looked up into Silent Bob's eyes and said, "Would you mind? I gotta change." Bob shook his head, took Jay's face and pulled him into a deep kiss. He threw off his dirt-stained tweed jacket and ran his fingers through Jay's (newly manageable) hair. Jay smiled into the kiss as he gently pushed Bob away. He took off his hat and laid back on the bed as Bob got on top of him and drew him into another kiss. He brought his legs up and wrapped them around Silent Bob. His costume, while it was meant to closely fit one's form, was all of a sudden tighter than he ever imagined. Silent Bob's roaming hands found the hem of Jay's costume and rolled it up to caress the smooth skin underneath. "Oh yes Bob --" The more naked they got, the more vocal Jay got. It was a golden rule. Jay swiftly undid and removed Silent Bob's khakis and boxers while Bob kicked off his shoes. He threw his legs over Silent Bob's shoulders, eliciting a soft "Ow!" as the hard heels made sudden impact. "Should I take them off?" Bob ran his hand along Jay's slender leg, ogling it mercilessly and stopping to toy with the shoe, and shook his head at Jay's inquiry. Jay smiled mischievously, grabbing the lube off of his nightstand. He didn't have to look at it to know where it was. He poured it into his hand and gave Silent Bob a couple of solid, smooth jerks, causing a few loud gasps of pleasure. "Do it, Bob, do it, do it, do it," Jay chanted almost rhythmically, his slightly smeared lipstick shining in the low light of the room. Silent Bob slowly guided himself into Jay, groaning loudly at the warm tightness of his partner. "Aaaaaahh . . . " Jay sighed as he felt Bob inside him. Savoring the feeling of Jay surrounding him, Silent Bob pulled out and slowly thrust again. "Yes, yes, keep on," Jay cried, grabbing onto Bob's shoulders and throwing his head back. Silent Bob gradually built up speed and power, pounding so hard that with each thrust the bed crashed into the wall. Jay's grasp had grown so tight his knuckles were turning white and his cries were making his throat dry. "God, Bob, I'm coming!" Jay's grip suddenly released as he came, his body violently relaxing and his seed shooting noisily onto the patent leather surface of his costume. "Ah!" Bob gasped as he came inside Jay with one last long thrust. He let go of Jay's narrow hips and pulled out, breathing heavily and sweating all over. Bob layed down next to Jay, looking at him and smiling tiredly. He looked back up at the ceiling and sighed heavily. "Fuckin' A, that was good," Jay said. "Almost too tired to change." He sat up, stretched and replaced his costume with a much more comfortable pair of boxers. Silent Bob looked over at Jay again. Jay stood there, his hair falling down over his shoulders and almost all the way down to his hips, offering only slight peeks of his arms. His eyes shone with unbridled potential energy and his stomach moved out and in with heavy breaths. Bob smiled at him with all the love he had in his heart. "Wonderful," he said. Jay got back into the bed with Silent Bob, laying his head on the bigger man's chest. Bob wrapped one arm around Jay's shoulders, softly caressing his hair and kissing him gently on the forehead. Jay smiled contentedly and closed his eyes. "Happy Halloween," Jay said groggily before both men fell happily asleep, knowing that this had been the best Halloween they'd ever had.