Title: Hurts to Cry
Author: Kelandris the Mad
Fandom: View Askewniverse, general
Pairing: Jay / Silent Bob
Rating: PG-13 (there's naked stuph, but it's implied only) 
Status: New
Archive: wherever you want, full permission, just lemme know about 
it. No, I don't believe grabbing it from the list requires a note. :>
E-mail address for feedback: kel@crazysheep.net
Series/Sequel: Sidewise sequel to Argument and In Repose.
Disclaimers: All characters belong to Kevin Smith and the View 
Askewniverse. If I really get into this, I probably will too. Or at 
least go into hock when I walk into a video store, go into rut, and 
buy all the DVDs at once.
Notes: This is entirely Taylor's fault, but I don't know if this was 
exactly what he meant when he listed the song.
Summary: Bob finally asks about the scars.
Warnings: Language. Naked swimming. That's about it.

"Hurts to Cry"
by Kelandris
"You tell me you're cold on the inside 
How can the outside world 
Be a place that your heart can embrace 
Be good to yourself 
Because nobody else 
Has the power to make you happy"
Today had been hot enough to melt metal, and even the night 
simmered. Jay had mentioned that the community pool might be gotten 
into, with the right tools--a bolt cutter, say--and for once, Silent 
Bob had agreed. It was too hot to sit in the apartment and swelter; 
there were only so many windows and so many fans, after all, and 
nothing helped the heat. Grabbing a bolt cutter--which Jay just 
happened to have lying around his room--they set off for the pool.
Silent Bob had left his trademark trench behind, and was walking 
towards the community pool wearing just a t-shirt and shorts. He was 
watching Jay, running ahead of him, throwing his t-shirt off just as 
he reached the fence. It was quick work to snip through the rusted 
lock, and Bob enjoyed watching the muscles work and knot in the 
younger man's back. Then Jay pushed the gate open, and whooping, 
shucked off shorts and shoes and dove in, pale skin shimmering in the 
shadowy circles of streetlight.
Bob as usual followed at a much more sedate pace, looking around him 
as he walked. `50's-era public architecture at its most predictable, 
he thought, looking around at the squat assortment of cement 
structures and the simple rectangle of the pool, painted a fading 
white with blue dotted lines along the bottom. He sat down on one of 
the cracked benches, slowly taking off his shoes, shorts and shirt. 
Grinning, he watched Jay frolic like an otter, swimming in great laps 
across the pool, then swimming back to where he sat, splashing water 
up on the curved lip of the pool. Some of the drops reached Bob's 
overheated skin, splashing him, and he shuddered at their 
overwhelming coolness.
"How can I help you 
Please let me try to 
I can heal the pain 
That you're feeling inside 
Whenever you want me 
You know that I will be 
Waiting for the day 
That you say you'll be mine"
Sliding into the pool, he leaned back, letting himself fall and get 
drenched. Before he opened his eyes, he felt Jay's hands on his 
chest, just resting there as he floated, breathing. Then he felt Jay 
lean over, kissing his lips softly, and his hands came up, holding 
Jay in place while he tread water. When he opened his eyes, Jay 
splashed him, laughing, and swam away. Bob grinned more, swimming 
after, knowing the young man could swim rings around him.
They splashed, they jumped, they yelled, for once disregarding any 
possibility of capture or discovery. And the universe had felt their 
sense of sudden lunacy, as it didn't even send a car by on the side 
street while they played, the water sucking all the heat away from 
the punishing summer hours.
Finally Silent Bob collapsed, panting against the rim of the pool. 
Jay swam over, hanging his head over the rim as he played with small, 
warming pools of water that had collected just beyond the pool's 
lip. Bob was drawn once more to the scars on Jay's back, and sent 
his fingers wandering over them, exploring. Jay tensed for a moment, 
then relaxed, sighing.
"You wanna know about those?" he asked softly. Bob trailed his hand 
up to caress the back of Jay's neck, and Jay smiled.
"He must have really hurt you 
To make you say the things that you do 
He must have really hurt you 
To make those pretty eyes look so blue"
"Some shit in an alley," he said softly. "I'd known him for a while, 
he was a pretty standard fuck, but intense, you know? Black suits, 
black glasses, looked like he should be holding a gun all the time. 
He and I�he was one of my regulars for a while, `bout once a week, it 
was no big�One day, he wanted me to come back with him behind this 
strip club, and he whipped it out, and I was down on my knees hearin' 
him whimper, you know? Doin' my part for my fellow man an' all. 
Thought that was gonna be it, and I was waiting for him to finish, 
when he pulled me up, pushed me against the back wall."
"He must have known 
That he could 
That you'd never leave him 
Now you can't see my love is good 
And that I'm not him"
Bob felt a shudder pass through Jay, and held his hand on the back of 
his neck, just looking at the younger man's eyes. Jay laughed 
shakily, bringing one of his hands up to hold Bob's. A gentle breeze 
blew, ruffling the leaves on some of the trees surrounding the pool. 
Sounds in the distance of cars brought the world back to them, and 
sighing, they left the pool, using their shirts to dry off before 
getting dressed.
Jay shrugged, looking out at the street. "I thought I knew what he 
wanted. That was somethin' I didn't do back then, you know? I'd 
blow but fuck if I'd catch. And then I saw this knife, just shining 
against the wall. He was holding it. He started slicin' me, deep, 
and making these little humming sounds. I thought, after a while, 
this wasn't going to go nowhere but downhill, so I kicked him hard 
and ran out of the alley, laid low for a few months. Took his 
wallet, too." He smiled at the thought, and Bob just stared at him.
"Who needs a lover 
That can't be a friend 
Something tells me I'm the one you've been looking for 
If you ever should see him again 
Won't you tell him you've found someone who gives you more"
Walking home, Bob was lost in his thoughts as Jay danced beside him, 
humming various snatches of headbanger ballads in the still air. 
Bobbing his head to Jay's running beat, he paused at the foot of the 
stairs up to their apartment, putting a quiet hand on Jay's arm.
"What?"
Everything he wanted to ask built up inside, cascading, falling, 
finally coming down to just one question.
"Why'd you let him cut you?"
Jay looked at him for a long moment, then quirked his 
mouth. "Noonch, dude, that's what he was payin' me for." And he 
danced up the stairs, opening the door to their apartment, while Bob 
stood still, riveted to the overheated sidewalk. **That's what he 
was paying me for.**
"Won't you let me in 
Let this love begin 
Won't you show me your heart now 
I'll be good to you 
I can make this thing true 
And get to your heart somehow"
END
(Lyrics are George Michaels' "Heal the Pain")