Title: If Ever I Would Leave You
Author: Kelandris the Mad
Fandom: View Askewniverse, general (Clerks/Mallrats/Dogma)
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: PG for language. Angst piece.
Status: New
Archive: wherever you want, full permission, just lemme know about 
it. No, I don't believe grabbing it from the list requires a note. :>
E-mail address for feedback: kel@crazysheep.net 
Series/Sequel: Independent. Dunno if I'm going to sequel it or not.
Disclaimers: All characters belong to Kevin Smith and the View 
Askewniverse. If I really get into this, I probably will too. Or at 
least go into hock when I walk into a video store, go into rut, and 
buy all the DVDs at once.
Notes: Slight little fluff piece about seasonal change.
Summary: Bob debates leaving Jay.
Warnings: Language. Spoilers for three of the six (counting the one 
in production) Jay & Silent Bob films.


"If Ever I Would Leave You"
by Kelandris

Spring in Red Bank; birds were singing, cars were honking, buses were 
still the mode of transportation. It was a steady cycle of home and 
bus and mall and bus and Quickstop and bus, with the occasional party 
for diversion. And always, always, the man in the black leather 
trench thought about the kid in the hat.

Silent Bob knew he was obsessed; what he didn't know was how long it 
was going to go on, or how bad it could get. Better to cut this off 
now, he thought, as much as the kid needed a place to stay, as much 
as he liked having him around. Because he liked having him around a 
little too much, maybe; he'd had to catch himself two times this week 
alone reaching out for Jay's long, blond hair.

And what was it with the insults? If that young idiot called him a 
tubby bitch one more time, he was going to slap him. He couldn't 
take being insulted while he wanted so badly to kiss the mouth 
insulting him. It was bad for the ego. Jay was bad for the ego. 
Jay was bad for him.

He'd made up his mind: he was going to leave.

But one day at the Quickstop, Jay told him he was cute as hell. 
Offered to go down on him. Even got on his knees, which fused Bob's 
brain a bit. And later, he'd turned on some tunes in the dark of the 
parking lot, and danced, egging him on, until he finally broke into 
some steps himself. It had been years since he'd danced. And it was 
all due to Jay.

He couldn't leave.

Summer in Red Bank mostly meant sudden decay-someone hit a cat, and 
the smell would slowly filter down the street, or some kid would drop 
an ice cream cone or a milkshake, and the heat would make it turn. 
Heat was bad for Silent Bob's trademark leather trench, too, so they 
spent a lot of time down at the mall. Air conditioning. Him and 
Jay. Hanging like they'd never be apart.

But man, it was bad this time of year. Being chased by mall guards, 
chasing mall guards, Jay always getting into something, like the heat 
was causing a short in his brain. Some days he just wanted to 
strangle him, or slap some sense into him. Or slap him against a 
wall and kiss him until Jay figured it out and started kissing him 
back. Bob had had it. After this last bit-involving some gear that 
would have made Batman envious-he figured it would be time. Jay was 
flush, he could move out, and it's not like he had that much to 
pack. He'd tell him tonight, he thought, made plans, got some extra 
beer just in case.

Then Jay kissed him. It was no big deal, just a little peck on the 
cheek, but it was fantasy fodder for the next two months, easy. And 
he couldn't let that go. He had to figure out why. He had to gnaw 
on it day by day, worry at it until he'd wrung every shred of nuance 
from what was once a small gesture, until he felt as wilted by his 
own scurrying thoughts as by the heat.

There was no way he could go, then.

Fall was unseasonably short, and really didn't start until after he 
and Jay had planned to bus out to a place that didn't exist. Worse, 
had never existed, outside of the mind of one man, one man Bob 
thought darkly about finding and knocking out. And everything went 
crazy, it seemed, everything started falling from the sky except for 
the leaves: naked black men, cardinals, nuns, TV 
reporters...angels. And that was it, last straw time, he had had 
enough of the craziness, time to get the hell off the Jay-go-round, 
when Jay asked the man who fell from heaven a question, and the 
answer was about how often Jay jerked off, and how often he thought 
about guys while doing it.

And he whipped his face over to look at Jay, shocked for days, and 
Jay said, "Dude, not all the time!" But even some of the time meant-
no, he couldn't think about it, he'd break out in a sweat. Even now 
the thought made him tremble. If he was in there-if he was in the 
rotation-if he was even in the top 100, he'd take the slot. And stay 
with Jay.

Even if he'd wanted to, he couldn't leave now.

And winter brought snow. Who wants to move when it's snowing? Too 
damn cold. Besides, if Jay got cold enough...maybe at least he'd 
cuddle.

END
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