Title: Jay the Mighty
Author: Jade
Rating: PG-13 because of cussing and shit. Otherwise
this would be a sickeningly Disneyesque G
Feedback: jade27_al@yahoo.com
Pairing: J/SB
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys. Kevin, Miramax, View
Askew, and a whole other mess of people do. I just
discreetly took them out of their packages and played
with them a little. I'll put them back, still in mint
condition. Don't sue me. All I have is a couple movies
and a Mallrats poster.
Distribution: Go for it.
Archive: Yep.
Notes: I had to write this. It kept screaming to the
front of my brain after someone started talking about
Jay and kittens. No real smut to speak of, just an
excuse for Jay to be all cute and shit. This is so
sickeningly cute. Please forgive me.
---------------------------------------------------

Jay inhaled deeply as he took a hit from the bong.
"Damn Silent Bob." He said as he exhaled. "This has to
be the best shit we've ever scored."
Bob nodded his head lazily.
"You want another hit?" Jay offered the bong to Bob.
Bob shook his head. He'd had more than enough. And he
knew bad shit happened when he had too much.
Jay shruged and took another hit. This was without a
doubt the best weed he'd ever had. And he'd had a lot.
But this shit was the best. His head was swimming a
bit and he felt warm and fuzzy all over. Very fuzzy.
He looked down at his arms. *What the fuck?* he
thought. He saw a thick, golden fur slowly covering
his arms. Gold with brown strips. It was pretty. And
soft. He ran his other paw over his arm. *Paw!?* he
blinked. His hands had morphed into paws. He flexed
his fingers and watched his claw spring out, then
retract. That was entertaining for a while. Then he
saw something flick off to the right. *What the fuck?*
he thought and turned to see it, but it kept slipping
away, just out of his reach. He kept turning to see
it, but it kept getting away. *Wise guy huh?* Jay
growled. *I'll show you, you stupid fuck, no one gets
away from Jay the Mighty!* He spun around in circles
trying to catch whatever it was. Finally he pounced
and latched onto it, only to realize about a second
too late that it was his own tail.
"MREOOOWW!" Jay cried and ran. Everything had gotten
so much larger than before. He could fit under the
coffee table if he wanted. But he didn't want. He
wanted Bob. He wanted Bob to pet him and make his tail
stop hurting... and maybe if he was lucky, Bob might
give him some milk. Or fish. He really wanted some
fish. But right now, he wanted to see what was behind
the TV.
Bob meanwhile was just staring at Jay. What the fuck
was he doing? Spinning in circles and running all over
like that. Meowing? He must have been stoned out of
his head. Now he was behind the TV chewing on the
cords. Nice. At least this was better than the time
Jay thought he was a gerbil. That had been an
interesting night. He'd spent the whole time trying to
keep Jay from climbing up his ass.
Jay purred and chewed happily on the TV cords. They
tasted yummy. Like dust, plastic, and catnip. Suddanly
he saw that thing flick again, this time on his left.
*Back for more, huh bitch?* Jay growled again and lept
after it. *You're not getting away from me this time!
Nothing escapes Jay the Mighty! I will have my..* He
lunged and caught it, finding out once again that it
was only his tail. 
"MREEEOOOOWW!!" Jay screeched and shot out from
behind the TV, stopping a few moments later to groom
himself. He couldn't believe how dirty it was behind
that TV. All that dust got behind his pointy little
ears and on his legs. Jay quickly sat down and began
bathing.
Bob watched in amazement as Jay lifted one of his
legs straight up in the air and licked it. He had no
clue Jay was that flexable. God how he wished he had a
camara, or a camcorder, just something to document
this. He would have been laughing his ass off if he
weren't so turned on. His mind was flooded with
different ways to use that flexablility.
Jay mewed happily as he finished bathing, then he
noticed something in a pile of dirty laundry. *I guess
it's up to Jay the Mighty to see what that is!* He
thought and crawled over, proptly tackling the pile.
*Where the fuck is it!?* he growled as he dug through
the pile. *Bitch, I saw you! Don't fucking hide from
me! I will tear your ass up!* After several minutes of
digging and growling, Jay found out he was lost. "Bob
help me!" He howled. "I can't get out! I'm lost! Save
me Bob!" But all that came out was a series of pitiful
mewes.
Bob blinked, then slowly got up and pulled the shirt
that was covering Jay's eyes off of his head. Jay
shook his head and looked up at Bob. He mewed and
rubbed himself against Bob's legs, purring happily.
Bob's eyes must have widened to the size of sausers as
Jay arched his back and rubbed his thin nimble frame
against him. He needed to sit down. Now.
"Hey! Where you going Lunchbox! Get back here and pet
me!" Jay mewed as Bob walked off. Bob just quircked an
eyebrow at the meowing and sat back down. *Fine. Be
that way. I don't need you anyway.* Jay thought. *Jay
the Mighty needs no... hey who are you?* He sat down
in front of a mirror, staring at the other golden
tabby staring at him. *What you lookin' at?* he cocked
his head, then blinked as the kitten did the same
thing. *You want a piece of Jay the Mighty, bitch?* he
growled and hissed at the kitten, then got even madder
when it did the same. *Alright! Bring it you little
fuck!* Jay snarled and lept at the kitten, slamming
into the mirror. 
"OWWWWWW!! BOOOOOOOOOOB!" Jay howled and ran to Bob,
leaping into his lap.
Bob yelped as Jay landed, then just looked at him.
Jay looked up at Bob. *Bitch, pet me!* He mewled
cutely and forced his head under Bob's hand. Bob
sighed and stroked Jay. Jay purred and rolled onto his
back, stretching his arms and legs out. Bob just
rolled his eyes and rubbed Jay's tummy. Jay purred
loudly, then sat up and licked Bob's nose.
Bob blinked. Jay just mewed, then curled up and fell
asleep on Bob's lap. This was going to be interesting
to explain in the morning.
-----------------------------------------------------