Title: Jungle Love
Author: Charles (jcrewguy@gmail.com)
Fandom: Askewniverse
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: R
Summary: "My jungle love! Ohh-wee-ohh-wee-oh!" Ahem. Tarzan AU.
Disclaimer: Not mine. All hail Smith. (and the estate of Edgar Rice Burroughs and Morris Day and the Time)
Notes: Lyn said "Jungle Love". I said "Tarzan AU!" Lek and Nyghtshayde read it over and told me 
I should make it longer. So I did, and fixed some stuff per their comments. Thanks, guys. *g* 
Kel, what's the count now?

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From the journals of Jayne...

Day 37 of life here in the jungle and I must say, I'm fuckin' tired of it.

There ain't much to eat, I can't find any weed and I have a feeling I'm being followed...

The natives talk of a mysterious, large yet lithe man-beast who lives out in the jungle proper. 
What I want to know is, does he have anything like the stuff the natives use in rituals?

'Cause that shit gets you FUCKED up. Only they wouldn't let me have none after the first ritual.


Day 40

I saw him! I saw the man-beast the natives speak of! I understand why they speak of him as a 
"beast". He's got long hair and it looks like his chest is hair, so's I can see why they�d think 
he�d be an animal.

He wears a loincloth, which no animal has ever done. When I glanced at his eyes, they seemed 
remarkably expressive as he ran away from me. That motherfucker was fuckin' agile too when he 
ran away. Like one of those gazelles or somethin'.


Day 45

I have taken to spending as much time as possible in the jungle on the odd chance that the 
mysterious "Silent Man" as I have taken to calling him will appear. I hope that I might converse 
with him. Perhaps more, because he's one fine "Beast-man."


Day 47

Success! The "Silent Man" has come to speak to me! I should clarify, I suppose, because this 
motherfucker didn�t say a damn word to me while I talked and asked him questions. He made use of 
his hands and eyes to reply in wondrously expressive ways. Punk swatted me away when I tried to 
look at the vine under his loincloth.


Day 56

I believe I have gained the trust of the "Silent Man," for today he took me to visit his home in 
the jungle. It was high, up in the trees and sparsely decorated, but very clean. Tubby bitch 
wouldn't talk about the good shit, not even with his hands.


Day 78

I continue to work on the "Silent Man" in the hopes that he will give up the good shit. I 
believe he was close to giving in today. Or he would have, until that fucking cocksmoker of a 
monkey interrupted with news of a stampede or some shit.


Day huh?

"Silent Man" has shown me the good shit that the natives ain�t sharing. We're fucked up in his 
treehouse right now!

He don't mind when I put my hand on his hairy chest and pet him. Or when I run a hand through 
his long hair. He wants me to take my hair out of the bun I wear it in. I told him, "Hell no!" 
'cause it's a pain in the ass to keep it up like that.

I�m gonna consider this a success if I can see what's under that extra long loincloth he wears.


Day 97

Showed that bitch of a monkey who's boss. Now it's just me and the "Silent Man" in the treehouse.
I keep trying to see what's under that loincloth of his but he ain't budging. For someone the 
natives characterized as a "Beast-man," he's really quite civilized. But incredibly fuckin' 
modest. Who the fuck wears a loincloth all the goddamn time?


Day 100

I have decided to take the initiative and show the "Silent Man" how to remove all of one�s 
clothing. That there is no shame in nudity.

Day 100 (later)

Fucking inconvenient erections popping out of nowhere. I do believe he was fascinated by it, but 
I sensed that now was not the right time...


Day 103

Success!!


Day 105

And more!!!