Title: Liar
Author: Kelandris the Mad
Fandom: View Askewniverse
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: Songfic, of course. NC-17 for hot sticky stuph. Plus 
language and, you know, mentions of homosexuality and such.
Status: New
Archive: Drop me a note and it's yours. And here's how:
Feedback: kel@crazysheep.net
Series/Sequels: Dunno, really. I think nothing will sequel, then it 
does, and I spent half a year writing them all down. So, it's 
anyone's guess.
Disclaimers: All parts of my fannish being are enriched by the 
presence of Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, Jason Lee, Ben Affleck, and all 
the merry characters at View Askew Productions (including their 
current master, Miramax,) save for that pesky financial part of my 
being, which receives no compensation whatsoever for these tawdry 
little tales.
Notes: I'm vaguely depressed today, due to local infighting which is 
ongoing. So I'm taking it out on the boys. They will find a way to 
make me pay for this later, I'm sure. The initial summary on this 
piece, written when I first wanted to use this song, was "Jay has a 
serious disbelief thing going. And it's going to take everything Bob 
has to convince him love is for real." But that really no longer 
applies. Jay still does have a serious denial thing going, but Bob 
hasn't convinced him of shit.
Summary: Sometimes, love means nothing, as Bob finds out. 
Warnings: Angst. ANGST, Modge-girl, SERIOUS ANGST. Also heavy 
sticky sweaty sex. And Jay being more clueless than usual. And Bob 
getting all hurt and sad. And pet-store action (no, not what you're 
thinking, put the wading boots away.) Some language warnings. Some 
heavy drug mentions, though no heavy drug use. No light drug use, 
for that matter.

"Liar"
by Kelandris

*liar
I haven't time to sympathise
with all this nonsense and your lies
you are the king of nothing, 
but you shall hold me*

"Hey."

Bob looked up to see his blond roommate walking towards him, a 
bemused smile on his face. His lips looked slightly bruised, and he 
had that just-laid swagger. He knew that just-laid look quite well; 
he'd seen it in countless bars and clubs and raves, and recently, 
he'd seen it as Jay walked across the apartment, walked away from a 
quite sated, and usually stunned as hell, Bob, left lying on the 
couch or on the bed.

Yeah. Bob knew that look. He looked around the mall, wondering who 
he'd managed to nail in the space between selling the last kid a dime 
bag and walking back to Bob, business conducted.

Unless... Bob felt his lips curling back, and fought for composure...it 
had been the kid, all gangly limbs and androgynous clothes and glossy 
black hair and lipstick. He'd been cute enough for four, all right, 
and Jay went for that sometimes. There were times Bob dreamed he was 
thinner, or cuter, or went for makeup in a Jay-enticing way, but most 
of the time Bob was comfortable with himself. More than he had been 
in a long while, actually, because Jay seemed to want him, big ass 
and all. Which had been very flattering for his system, he had to 
admit.

*you've got your finger on the pulse
and in my pocket, yes of course
I am the voice of treason, 
but you betrayed me*

He watched Jay carefully as the blond leaned back against the pet 
shop window. Within seconds he'd jumped into the aisle again, 
bumping his hips, grinding to the music that played endlessly in his 
head. Seconds past that he was back to making showily huge plays for 
the attention of passing girls, arms laden with shopping bags from 
the boutiques. They looked him up and down--scuffed Docs on his 
feet, white thermal leggings, long black cut-off shorts, black t-
shirt, black knit cap pulled down over shining strands of poured-
honey hair--and dismissed him with a sneer. Skater trash. Junkie 
boy. Pothead. Poor and stupid. Not worth their time.

Bob fought back a grin. How wrong they were. Jay was anything but 
stupid, though he had a sixth-grade vocabulary, most of the time. 
And, sure, he smoked a lot of pot, and would open his mouth for any 
passing pill without question, which was something that had always 
worried Bob. But he'd ditched the needles, he'd ditched anything he 
had to cook, or snort, or slap into his system, and that was slowly 
improving his brain's ability to function. He still had the junkie-
crazed nights, where Bob wrapped him in blankets and held him while 
he shivered, craving heroin with all the intensity he normally 
reserved for sex.

But those nights were growing few and far between. And besides, the 
yuppie chicklets not wanting him was all the better for Bob. Left 
more for him. Most of the time. Who had he found to fuck in the 
mall?

Jay bopped back to the window, banging on the clear glass again and 
irritating the shop owners. For some reason they never stepped out 
and told them to leave, which Bob had always found rather unnerving. 
Were they hoping for a sale? Shit, Jay forgot *goldfish* needed 
food now and again, he'd be scared to have him try his luck with a 
mammal.

Besides that, the Eden Prairie mall was an odd place to begin with. 
It was slightly out of their territory, yet no one had tried to kick 
their ass yet. And LaFours pretty much knew who they were and what 
they did, and staying out of his way took up a lot of time. Yet, if 
he really wanted them out of the mall, all he would have had to do is 
call the cops and get a restraining order against them. 

**Shit,** he thought, watching Jay move out into the aisle again, 
**all it would take is disturbing the peace. Jay does that every 
time we come here. He wouldn't have to prove the dealing at all.**

He looked around, watching Jay, watching the patrons move through 
their rounds of window-shopping and buying. It was getting on to 
four in the afternoon. About time to head home.

He walked forward, tapping Jay on the shoulder, and tossed his head 
in the direction of the door. Jay nodded, his head still bopping to 
that internal beat, and looped an arm companionably around his waist 
as they walked to the side entrance. A few short steps to the 
shuttle stop, and they were once again standing in place, waiting. 
Not even enough time to consider a conversation passed before the 
shuttle pulled up and drove them off to the main bus stop in Leonardo.

It was only a half-hour or so before the next bus left them off 
outside their building. Twenty stairs up and Bob unlocked the door, 
ushering in Jay ahead of him, and carefully removing his trench and 
hanging it up. Jay, as usual, sprawled on the couch for a moment 
before he sprang up and moved back out into the room, jiving for a 
bit before slinking over to the CD rack. He flipped out five CDs 
seemingly at random, and clicked them into the player, which for once 
was actually empty. Bob sat down, closing his eyes, and waiting for 
the shuffle to decide his fate.

The first clear piano notes filled the air and he smiled. Oh, there 
was probably head-banging to come, but he'd chosen Tori to start 
with, which meant he'd probably clicked in at least one Alanis CD as 
well. Interesting.

More than interesting--as his eyes were closed, listening, he 
suddenly found his lap full of nearly purring blond, who was tilting 
back his head and licking his neck.

"C'mon, tubby, you gotta get outta these clothes," Jay murmured into 
his ear.

Bob reached down and pulled the shirt over his head. While he was 
doing so, he heard a soft voice ask, "Do you love me?"

With shock and dawning horror, he realized he'd asked the question. 
Jay froze on his lap.

"What the fuck you on now, Lunchbox? Shit, you think I fuckin' love 
your ass just `cause I need some lovin' more'n the average shit on 
the street? Fuck, man, you are just fuckin' *convenient*, s'what you 
are. Shit..."

Bob finished pulling off his shirt and stared at Jay. Well. There 
it was. Distrust and aggravation and fear all bundled together, 
sharp corners facing out. Ready for deployment and deployment was 
achieved. And now they could go back to the comfortable pattern--
Jay, in fact, already considering the conversation over, was stroking 
his hands along Bob's ribs, making him shiver.

*I used up nearly all my luck
I didn't have to try
but yesterday is gone, 
and now I need an alibi*

But he couldn't let it go. There was a hard nugget of need inside 
him, and however much this conversation was going to hurt, today he 
had to have it. He had to know. If it meant they stopped having 
nights like this, he still had to know.

Shit.

"Do you love me?" he asked again, and Jay looked wounded for a 
moment. His mouth hung open and his lower lip trembled, and his eyes 
darkened to a stormy-sea blue.

"This is fucked up."

Bob looked up, stroking a hand down Jay's cheek, watching him 
shiver. Why was he doing this? It would be so much fucking easier 
if he could just let it go. But something inside wouldn't let him.

*if this gets any stranger
things are gonna change
`cos I can't stand the music
always lying*

Alanis was singing now, as he'd thought, singing about loss and 
heartbreak, and he blinked heavily, looking up at Jay.

"Which? Loving me, or talking about it?"

Jay rose from him, walking quickly across the room into the kitchen, 
grabbing a beer from the fridge. When he turned around, Bob was 
standing there, and he yelped, jumping back.

"Shit, bitch, you gotta stop *doing* that! Man, one of these days 
I'm gonna end up punchin' your ass and shit, `cause I didn't hear you 
walk up or nothin'!"

Bob just stared at him, waiting. Man, this was hard. It was hard 
for him talking in the first place, hard for him to keep his emotions 
out of the words. He always felt like when he talked, everything he 
carefully kept inside came spilling out, and he stood naked and 
afraid, exposed to the world. Jay was the only one who seemed to 
understand that, and though he gave him endless shit about his 
silence, he also supported him for needing that silence. How many 
other roommates would put up with a friend who so rarely spoke, it 
tended to startle people when he did, as if they'd forgotten he could 
speak at all?

On the other hand, how many people would put up with the endless 
mountains of shit Jay put out, just in the course of a single day, 
let alone when he was actually upset at someone for a specific 
thing? Not damn many. And Bob should know.

Jay twitched in place, gulping the beer, until he seemed to realize 
that just standing there and not looking at Bob was not making him 
leave.

"What the fuck you want now??" he screamed, setting the beer down so 
violently it rocked to the side, tipping over. A thin trickle of 
leftover beer and foam ran out onto the counter.

Bob shook his head. Shit, what was this going to take? He stepped 
forward, placing a hand on either side of Jay's head, and leaned in, 
kissing the boy. Within moments he felt Jay's hands wrap around his 
bare back, nails digging in, pulling him closer, as close as he could 
get.

*if that's what it takes I'll do it 
(I'll do it)
I'll keep on right on through it 
(on through it)*

And he broke off the kiss, stepping back, staring at Jay. Waiting.

Jay blinked his eyes open, still moaning faintly.

"No, fuck you, c'mon back, don't stop kissin' me..."

"Do you love me?"

"Fuck no!" Jay screamed. Bob turned, walking out of the kitchen.

"Don't leave me!"

Bob turned back, hearing the panic and fear in Jay's voice. Jay had 
no idea how much he hated doing this. And he couldn't even tell him 
right now, because he wouldn't hear it. Instead, he simply raised an 
eyebrow, watching him.

"You're gonna make me fuckin' say it, aren't you? You total shit."

Bob shrugged. Jay pulled off the knit cap, dropping it onto the 
counter and scrubbing at his scalp.

"Shit. Shit. Shit fuck shit." He glared out of the gold curtain of 
his hair, grimacing.

"Okay. Okay, if that's what it fuckin' takes so you'll lemme fuck 
you now and again, then yeah. I love your fat ass. Man, I can't 
wait to get you naked. I dream about buyin' you chocolates and 
flowers and shit. Ooh, yeah, I live for getting' down on my knees 
and suckin' on you, and hearin' you moan, and, um, and feelin' your 
hands in my hair..."

Somewhere in the middle of the tirade Jay had gone off somewhere. 
Bob had watched him, fascinated, as he traveled from angry and pissed 
off to the dreamy, lustful look he wore now, his hands still at his 
sides. He was moments away from some kind of realization. Which way 
was he gonna jump?

*so please believe me when I say
I wouldn't give the time of day
because then I'd be faking
when I could tell the truth*

Jay surprised him, jumping on him literally and knocking him to the 
floor.

"Fuck yeah, fuck yeah, gotta have you in me, man, gotta fuckin' have 
you..."

He tore off his pants, tearing down Bob's at the same time, Bob 
feeling as if Jay had suddenly sprouted five new hands. One of them 
held a condom that had appeared as if by magic. Bob opened his mouth 
and Jay shoved his tongue in it. He heard the foil package tear and 
felt Jay's fingers on his hardening cock, rolling the condom down. 
His face still occupied with sucking on Jay's tongue, he heard a flip-
top cap flip up, and a squirt of lube landed in his palm, cold jel 
slowly warming. That hand lifted as if by magic into the air, guided 
by the lightest of pressures, Jay's slender fingertips lightly 
touching his wrist.

Then Jay leaned against him, guiding that hand towards his parted 
legs, towards that puckered opening between them, and Jay only broke 
off the kiss when one of Bob's fingers slipped inside him.

"Fuck!" he cried, closing his eyes and tossing his head back. His 
entire body arched forward, pressing himself down on the invading 
finger, and Bob worked on opening him while Jay ran his hands up and 
down Bob's latex-clad cock, earning moans and whispers from Bob as he 
did.

"Fuck yeah, fuck, please, please, fuck me Bob, fuck me fuck me fuck 
me--"

Jay squirmed back on top of Bob, thrusting against Bob briefly, 
trapping his hand between their two cocks and crying out for more. 
Bob thrust inside as soon as he could remove his hand, scrubbing off 
the stickiness of lube onto the carpet, and filled him, filled Jay 
completely while Jay writhed in abandon on his body.

Consciousness whited out for a bit there, all motion the motion of 
flesh, Bob's cock rising and falling with his hips as he steadily 
fucked the blond. He treasured each earned moan, each cry, each 
whimper, and somewhere in there he could have sworn he heard Jay say 
his name, say he loved him. But there wasn't time to stop, there 
wasn't time to ask anything then. There was only time to kiss his 
friend, his lover, hold him close, fuck him until he couldn't hold 
back any more and had to flip the blond onto his back. Nearly 
growling, he grabbed Jay's ankles, holding his legs wide apart, 
fucking him brutally. He was now moaning himself, screams needing to 
be aired building up behind the fence of his teeth.

And Jay, Jay took it all, took everything he was given, hands, mouth, 
tongue pleading for more, pleading with Bob, begging him with every 
arched inch of him, needing, wanting, hopelessly his toy.

Why the fuck couldn't he just say it? Why couldn't he just say...

"JAY!" Bob screamed. "LOVE YOU, JAY!"

And he came, filling Jay with hot salty fluid, moaning as he jerked 
forward, pumping come inside the blond. Only moments later, Jay 
shuddered and whimpered and sprayed jets of come over their bellies, 
still pressed together, Bob still inside, only partially softening as 
seconds ticked endlessly by.

With a groan, Jay pushed Bob off of him, easing out from underneath 
and sitting up. He cracked his neck, tilting his head from side to 
side.

"Shit, man, why you gotta bring love into this? I don't fuckin' love 
you already. I just love the way you fuck." And he rose from the 
carpet and ambled off to the bathroom.

Bob looked at him leave, and Jay would have run from the apartment if 
he could have seen the look in those narrowed, dark eyes. Rising 
from the carpet as if he was favoring an injury, Bob moved carefully 
into the kitchen, wetting down a kitchen towel and cleaning his body 
of their shared fluids. Then, still moving carefully, he gathered up 
their clothes and walked stiffly to his room. He shut the door, 
flipped the latch on the inside shut, and watched the metal gleam in 
the lowering light.

First time he'd done that in... .shit. Since Jay had moved in he'd 
never latched his door. He'd somehow never felt the need to.

And with that thought, he realized he was crying, and sank to the 
floor, leaning against the wall as the only support he currently 
possessed. Because Jay didn't love him, even though he desperately 
loved Jay. What the hell did he do now?

*were you abandoned in your youth?
because if not, you will be soon
I'm growing tired of waiting
for you to say goodbye*

END
(Song is New Order's "Liar")
Kelandris the Mad
precious little moments of lucidity