Title: Mardi Gras (The Ruin of Many a Poor Boys Remix)
Author: Nyghtshayde
Fandom: Askewniverse
Pairing: Jay & Silent Bob
Rating: R
Summary: The boys enjoy Mardi Gras…and each other. Songfic.
Archive: Most definitely Charles.
E-mail: Nyghtshayde9@yahoo.com
Series/Sequel: Not likely.
Web Page: None currently.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters; Kevin Smith does and he's the one making money off them, not me. The original slashfic is by Grampy Volvo.
Warnings: I'm keeping this a songfic because I happen to love this song. So, bear that in mind, any of you who don't like songfics.

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The Ruin of Many a Poor Boys

He was giggling and drunk. That's all he knew. Oh wait…there were people in masks running up and hugging him, chicks draping him with plastic beads and kissing him full on the lips, tasting of sweet daiquiris and Chartreuse.

And Silent Bob. Yeah…he remembered him alright. How could he forget the best thing in his life? Especially when the tubby motherfucker never left his side the whole time they were here? At one point, Jay knew he put his arm around Silent Bob's waist and stooped his head to rest it against that strong broad shoulder. Even drunk off his ass, he knew he loved the bearded guy that stuck by his side through good times and bad. Though the bad times were most often of the tall, lanky blond's making. Of course, drunk, he could admit his feelings out loud. Sober, he tended to keep tight-lipped about the fact that he actually had a heart.

Jay sometimes wished he could be drunk all the time.

There is a house in New Orleans.
They call the Rising Sun.
And it's been the ruin of many young poor boys
And God I know I'm one.

They barely made it back to their hotel room. Jay wondered why he felt heavier than usual and through the haze of all the alcohol he'd consumed, he realized that it was from the beads around his neck. They were all colors, all sizes and unless he was seeing double, there were at least twenty or more circling his neck. When he looked over at his partner, he saw that Bob wore several himself. His silent partner was fiddling with the lock, trying to open the door. They hadn't found the nicest of places to stay…and that was an understatement. But Tons o' Fun here had some sentimental attachment to the name of the place: Rising Sun Motel. Somethin' about some sappy damned song or some stupid shit like that.

Finally, after what seemed ages, Silent Bob got the door opened and Jay tumbled inside, tripping over his own big feet and landing on the dilapidated queen-sized bed. Laughing almost uncontrollably, he rolled over on his back to watch the heavier of the two closing and locking the multiple locks on the door and then set about checking the room. Jay was thirsty.

"Hey Lunchbox!" Jay yelled. "Where's my beer?"

As per his usual silence, Bob just gave Jay a look and went about trying to put music on their CD player. The blond found this particularly funny and started to giggle even more. He then mumbled something about drinking his beer before standing up on wobbly legs and carefully stumbling over to his Muscle. He even asked what Lunchbox was doing, but he got no answer. Before he got halfway across the room, the music started up and it was loud, making Jay wince at first.

My mother was a tailor
She sewed my new blue jeans
My father was a gamblin' man
Down in New Orleans.

It was that song…that song that Silent Bob was yammerin' on about from the time they saw the motel. They'd walked for hours down the street trying to find someplace to crash for the time they'd be here. Jay wanted snazzier digs. But this tubby bitch saw this sleezy-assed motel with a name from a song title and he got all sappy and insisted that they check in here. 'course, then he spent his time bitchin' about their stuff and would it get stolen and all that. But it was still his idea to stay here.

Finally, Jay made it to his friend, his vision beginning to clear a little around the blur of liquor. Reaching out, he wrapped his arms around Silent Bob's waist. If he'd been completely sober, he might have said it was to steady himself. The Jaybird thought about that. You stupid fuck…if you was sober, you wouldn't need to steady yourself. So he quit lying to himself and just curved his body against the shorter, stockier stature of his lifemate.

Leaning his face down close to Bob's, he whispered, "I said, whatchya doin', Tons?" He could feel Silent Bob shudder against his warm, whiskey and beer-soaked breath. Jay licked along the thick neck, tracing the goosebumps there like Braille, tasting salt and sweat. It gave him a hunger that surpassed drugs and alcohol. He nibbled at one of the plastic necklaces, growling playfully. Silent Bob turned around then, sliding his hands down Jay's arms to take his hands into his own; both men were sweaty. Even in February, N'awlins was humid and warm. Without saying a word, he led the talky blond over to the bed and sat them both down. Jay started to say something, but a soothing finger traced itself across his lips, silencing him. That was when Bob kissed him, softer lips than any would have suspected pressed against Jay's own lips. And dammit if Jay didn't kiss him right back, mouth open, tongue pushing into the fat man's mouth, tasting him. Mmm…familiar tastes of Nails, beer, a hint of pot and…ohhhh…all Bob. Four hands worked frantically, unbuttoning buttons, pushing clothes back, tossing each other's shirts into piles on the floor. Half of the beaded necklaces went flying in all directions, leaving three or four on each of them, glittering slightly in the dim motel lighting.

Now the only thing a gambler needs
Is a suitcase and a trunk
And the only time that he's satisfied
Is when he's all drunk.

Jay let his hands wander Bob's chest, playing with the necklaces before traveling southward. His thumbs circled soon-erect nipples, eliciting one of the first sounds out of his lifemate since the whole trip began, an excited gasp. But before he could do too much more himself, Jay felt himself being explored by beefy hands and insistent fingers. Moaning, the blond's viridian eyes closed and he started to lean back on the bed. Before long, he felt those soft lips on his neck, teeth grazing his collarbone, tongue licking further down his bare chest. He sucked in a deep breath when Bob's mouth formed over one of his nipples, sucking and biting playfully.

And then Silent Bob's mouth and hands moved farther down Jay's body. The waifish blond fell back against the mattress just as his lifemate's tongue dipped into his bellybutton. Bob's dark hair brushed Jay's warm skin, tickling his sides, sending wildly tingling sensations up and down his body. And still, Silent Bob licked further down.

"Oh fuck yeah…," Jay moaned, running his tongue over his suddenly dry lips. His hands reached back and grasped the pillow behind his head, fingers digging into the rough foam through the discolored pillowcase. He had to bit down on his lower lip to keep himself from yelling out in pleasure when his Muscle nibbled a little harder than usual on the soft flesh below his bellybutton. Lifting his head a little, his eyes dilated to their fullest and flecked with erotic streaks of mercury, he glanced down at Silent Bob. "Dude, fuckin' be careful with them teeth. I'm tender, ya know!" Bob only looked up and gave his roommate an arched eyebrow and a wicked grin before returning to what he was doing. Jay saw the pink tongue dart out of Bob's mouth, tracing lightly down his stomach toward the waistband of his jeans. "Mmm…yeah, that's what I like…yeah," came the appreciative comments from Jay, licking his lips again, watching. He felt a tug on the denim as Bob unbuttoned the jeans with his teeth. The very idea of it weakened Jay's elbows that were propping him up. Finally he gave up and collapsed against the sheets again, moaning. He heard the satisfying sound of his zipper being lowered just as Bob's hands grasped his hips. He's undressing me with his teeth, Jay thought. Oh that's so fuckin' sexy.

And that's when Silent Bob's fingers hooked around the waistband of both his jeans and boxers, yanking them down to his ankles, pushing them off onto the floor.

Oh mother tell your children
Not to do what I have done
To spend their life in sin and misery
In the house of the Rising Sun.

Jay was so worked up, so ultra sensitive to the touch, that when Silent Bob's tongue began circling the head of his dick, the blond almost came right then and there. He moaned and gasped as he was teased. Damn, he'd been hard as a rock before when Bob was just touching him. But fuck…now he thought he could carve diamonds. And Silent Bob just kept teasing, licking up and down, spiraling around him. Just when he thought that's all he was getting, his lifemate surprised him. This time, the blond didn't bother trying to stifle his loud voice, crying out at what he thought was top volume, when the fat man engulfed Jay's cock from head to base between his smooth lips. The heat from Bob's mouth undid the blond completely and it was only intensified as those lips slid up and down on him, warming him, electrifying him.

"Nnggg…yeah…oh fuck…Mmmm…,"Jay wasn't all that coherent. Just grunts and moans and gasps, nonsense words between "fucks" as his entire body was set on fire by Silent Bob's mouth. Damn…the man may not talk much, if ever, but he sure does know how to put that mouth to work.

Silent Bob continued but didn't have to for much longer. After four or five more strokes of those soft lips, tugging and sucking, Jay screamed out and arched his body almost completely off the bed. His head fell back, fingers dug into the mattress and grasping handfuls of the cheap sheets, and he came. The blond could feel everything being sapped out of him, his energy seeping into the bed, the hot liquid coaxed out of him being drunk by his lifemate. He didn't think he'd ever felt more content.

With one foot on the platform
And the other foot on the train
I'm going back to New Orleans
To wear that ball and chain.

When Jay's body finally stopped tingling quite so wildly and the shuddering slowed down to a stop, the blond reached down and pulled Silent Bob up against his body. His hands encircled the solid biceps, fingers pressing into the bare flesh of his lover's upper arms and as he tugged the fat man upward, his long, lightly muscled legs curved and wrapped around the stocky satyr-like calves. Jay felt Bob's heartbeat, starting at a steady thump-thump and picking up the closer his face got to the blond's again. Just as they were eye level to each other again, Jay turned them so that Bob was on his back and he was curled around that muscled and meaty body. Long blond hair draped over Silent Bob's broad chest as Jay rested his head against it, his ear pressed over his heart.

Jay sighed and Bob sighed and arms of different coloration and shape wrapped around the sweaty, exhausted bodies, pulling each other closer. Entangled in spent lust, pattern-drummed heartbeats and weary drunken smiles, the boys started to drift off on that lumpy bed that had probably known hundreds of other lovers in the past. The blond glanced over Bob's chest at the cheap little digital clock on the nightstand.

"Fuck," Jay started, a little chuckle to his tired voice. It wasn't all that late at all. They could return to the Mardi Gras celebrations and get more wasted…or…

The blond had a better idea. He propped himself up a little and began teasing Silent Bob. When the darker of the two opened his eyes, he was met with a naughty grin from his roommate. He opened his mouth to say something and Jay shook his head.

"Uh uh, you tubby bitch. Your turn."

Silent Bob gave into the sensations that began washing over his body now. He smiled. In the background, swallowed up by the moans and cries that soon escaped his lips, the song finished and wrapped into the repeat play that he'd set up. Serenaded.

All night.

There is a house in New Orleans
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many young poor boys
And god I know I'm one.