Title: Mr. Xcitement
Author: Luna "Tic" Vee
Rating: PG-13
Archive: Sure!
Warnings: Gratuitous use of They Might Be Giants and Hollies songs,
insertion of Original Character, total lack of plot, general Luna-
riffic
stupidity.
Disclaimer: I own diddly squat. Jay and Silent Bob are property of
Kevin Smith, View Askew, Miramax, and the martians that live in
Scott Mosier's left ear. Freak Adelpha is property of moi! 
AHAHAHAHAAA!
Summary: Jay is reminded of just how odd Jersey can be.
Notes: Freak (el girl) is my own character. She's so cool... I wanna
be her...

***

"...the knifey knife is staben. Protrude into the hoobalicious scoff 
the
extra aden. I write, the mooky. My verse is extra spooky. Like
Flansy in a soda can it's trooky trooky trooky! 
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww YES!"

Jay danced around as he made his slow yet stylin' way down the
sidewalk, singing some random song he'd heard earlier that day. He
wasn't sure where. Either on the radio at The Wall, or on Bob's
stereo. Didn't matter. It was fuckin' groovy.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww YES! Mr. Xciteme--OOF!" the lithe
blond soon found himself laying in a pile of limbs and hair, as he has
apparently crashed into someone while attempting to moonwalk (a
difficult task in bald-soled boots).

"Watch where the fuck yer goin'!" cried a high-pitched female voice,
the promise of homicide tinging her tone.

As soon as the whole mess was sorted out, Jay found himself
standing before a short-ass girl, prolly about 15, with skin as white 
as
coke. She had big-ass round glasses sitting upon her small nose,
before large RED eyes, which matched the chin-length shaggy red
bangs coming down the sides of her face nicely. The rest of her hair
was black, and pulled into a shaggy, red-tipped ponytail high in the
back, with the rest of said back shaved. She wore all black and
knee-high boots with metal tips. She also had a knife sitting in a
leather holster on her hip.

"Stupid fuckin' junkies," the girl growled, pushing past Jay with
suprising force, considering that she was so skinny it looked like
she'd never eaten in her life.

Jay soon found himself on his ass, glaring at the girl as she walked
away. "Cunt rag."

***

"Look through any window, yeah. What do ya see? Smilin' faces all
around. Movin' through, the busy town." Jay had moved onto a new
song, as the sun had set, and he was finally headed home. He'd had
to go pay a few visits, pick up some cash from Flick, and snag some
sunny doodles from the Quick Stop.

Rounding the corner, Jay stopped dead in his tracks as he suddenly
heard a clicking sound echo through the alley behind him. He whriled
around... to find nothing.

"Th' fuck?" Jay looked around in a shady fashion before shrugging,
pulling his jacket tighter closed, and hurrying up his pace, hoping to
get home sooner. If anybody jumped him, he was damn well fucked. 
"Perfect day for my muscle to stay home..."

Click. Click. Click.

The sound followed Jay down the alley, and down the sidewalk, as he
turned out into better view, incase anything WERE to happen.

Jay whipped around again, fists ready, only to find nothing there...

His mind raced around the tri-state area, ass-clenching fear slowly
creeping over his cerebellum.

He whirled around on his toe and took to jogging down the cold
sidewalk, his boots clomping with each step, accompanied with its
own clicking echo.

Finally, panic overtook his mind and he skidded to a full halt,
screaming and turning around one last time, ready to tear his hair
out. "WHO THE FUCK IS FOLLOWING--," his eyes snapped wide as
he saw the girl from earlier in the day standing there, glaring cooly
through narrowed eyes. "...meee..."

He'd almost completely forgotten about her.

He jumped backwards about a foot and pointed dramatically,
dropping his shopping bag and cocking his fist back. "What the
FUCK do you WANT, kid?"

The girl raised an eyebrow and smirked. She flicked some stray red
bangs out of her face and walked slowly up to the scared man. Her
entire body radiated calm.

Jay could only stand there, frozen in his dramatic point as the girl
sauntered up and picked at his hair for a moment. "Th' fuck?" he
finally managed to squeak.

"You had a fuzzy in your hair," the girl said plainly. She tossed 
aside
the offending piece of fuzz and pushed her glasses further back up
her nose. Another smirk crossed her face as she bent down to pick
up the bag and handed it to him. "Be careful. You almost crushed
your snack cakes."

"Heh?" Jay mumbled dumbly.

The girl quickly turned on her heel and walked away.

Jay stood there for a few minutes, dimly watching as the odd girl
disappeared into the distant shadows.

"There's something about this town, man..."

And then he promptly turned tail and booked his ass home.

***

Random, I know.

King Midas In Reverse
~Luna