Title: "The Number of the Beast"
Fandom: View Askewniverse
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: PG-13, only for mentions of potential sex, not actual
Status: posted to the list Christmas Eve, yo!
Archive:  The traditional places.  If you don't know what the
traditional places are, you might want to write and ask.  And here's how:
Feedback: kel@crazysheep.net
Series/Sequels: One-shot bitlet, fer as I know.
Disclaimers:  Kevin Smith, View Askew Productions, Jason Mewes and
Scott Mosier have creative control and ownership of Jay and Silent
Bob, not me.
Notes:  Snickering too hard to write 'em down, actually.
Summary: Jay goes a little nuts, Bob gets a tad confused.
Warnings:  Satanic references.  Old music references.  Loud music. 
Homosexual inferences.  That's about it.  No, really.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"The Number of the Beast"
by Kelandris


Bob thought the problem was, he really hadn't been listening when he'd
come home.  His higher functions had been occupied with the wiring
schematic for the new security system that store in Highlands'd hired
him to design.  He'd been...well, *completely* preoccupied.

So when he stepped into the apartment, and the air was being torn
asunder by jagged riffs of molten chrome, he was a bit perplexed.  How
had he missed that coming up the stairs?  Surely, he hadn't been
*that* distracted...

Jay turned, and the blaring music cut off mid-wail.  Jay tossed the
remote onto the couch and sneered at him.  He wore tattered cut-offs,
black tights, new black high-tops, and his treasured Forked Tongue
t-shirt.  

"Bow down before your master, worm!"  

Jay struck a pose, cocking a hip out and flinging his arms back.  Bob
blinked.  He looked around.  Yeah, still looked like the apartment. 
He looked back at Jay.  He blinked.

**What?**

"All hail Satan!  Bow down, bow DOWN, lowly one!" 

Jay waved his arms for effect, and Bob leaned in, peering at him.  It
didn't *look* like Jay was stoned out of his mind.  Maybe he was
flashing back to something?

Jay stepped forward, placing his hands on his shoulders, and pushed
down, and Bob...just...*went*, out of confusion more than anything
else.  He landed on his knees and looked up, still confused.

Jay was singing now.

*"666, the Number of the Beast/Hell and fire was spawned to be
released..."*

**Okay.  Calm down,** Bob thought.  **If he gets a knife, run for the
door.  Otherwise, you've ridden out stranger moments.  No big deal. 
You can do this.  You can do this.  You can--**

Jay thrust his crotch into Bob's face, wailing the next words.

*"The ritual has begun/Satan's work is done," he screamed.  *"666, the
Number of the Beast!/Sacrifice is going on tonight!"&

Bob blinked again.  Fuck.  He had *no* idea.  All he knew was, he was
*outta* here for a while.  He could go over to Dante's, maybe, work
out some initial design specs for the store--

Bob struggled to rise to his feet, and Jay looked down, shaking his head.

"I din't say you could get up yet, tubs," he whispered.  He rubbed his
crotch across Bob's face, and Bob stopped breathing.

"All hail Satan."

Bob swallowed.  Oh, what the hell.

"All hail Satan," he whispered back, barely saying the words aloud,
and raised his hands to the waistband of Jay's cut-offs.


END
(Snip of song is from Iron Maiden's "Number of the Beast")
*****************
Kelandris the Mad
Forked Tongue RULES!