Title: Out of Order
Author: Ember Graze
Pairing: J/SB (sorta) SB/Amy
Warning: Sad angst ahead. Songfic, based on a Duncan
Sheik song. And even his happy songs are hauntingly
sad.

And so, without further audieu, my entry in the queen
of angst contest.
~~~
*I hear what you're saying/ I may seem out of order*
The first major sign that something was wrong was
the thirty minute conversation *Silent* Bob had with
Dante. It was still sorta one-sided but Bob had
actually spoken. And not only spoken, but questioned.
Bob had spent a good half hour prodding Dante about
his past relationships. Catlin, Veronica, Julie, all
them. 'Which ones did you love?' 'Why did it end?' But
he seemed most interested in Catlin. Bob had had to
repeat the question a few times in order to even get
an answer.
"Why'd you keep coming back?"
"Because I always hoped there was something more
there. Something left. She was my first, emotionally
and physically." Dante had said.
And after that Bob had once again silenced and
returned to his usual stoic state. Leaving Jay to long
for the moment hey returned home so that his
questioning could begin.
*Nothing's quite the same now/ As it ever was before
her*
"Spill it." Jay calmly said as soon as their apartment
door was closed.
Bob looked at him for a moment, fiegning confusion,
before his face fell.
"She came back again." Bob said.
*And you're looking at me/ With one of those sideways
glances*
Jay simply raised an eyerbrow opting to be the
silent one for once.
"Amy." Bob said, "She came by while you weren't home
yesterday and i agreed to meet her for a drink later
today."
"Isn't that what you want? A chance for closure."
"Yeah..but.."
"Don't tell me you're falling again. You know how she
treats you.
'You treat me that way too.' Bob though sarcasticly.
Outwardly, however, he only shrugged.
*You think I'm giving up too much/ And taking too many
chances*
"Bob, this is gonna sound kinda strange, but I can't
take it if she breaks your heart again."
"Maybe this time it will be different." Bob all but
whispered.
"Yeah like the last 6 fucking times. It hurts me too
ya know. Are you really gonna go see her tomorrow?"
Then, Bob looked up at Jay with the saddest eyes he
had ever seen and nodded.
*But I won't believe ya now/ I've gotta check this
out/ And nothing you can say will convince me
otherwise/ You're just trying to be a friend/ I know
the message is well meant/ But none of it does compare
to her eyes*
When Bob returned the next day, Jay was on the
couch and ready to pounce. He was going to tell Bob
what an idiot her was for going back to her and what a
moron he was for not being able to see what was right
before his eyes. Then he noticed Bob's tears.
*Please go easy on me/ I'm feeling out of order/ I'm
beaten and I'm wounded/ Like I never was before her*
He walked towards Bob in an attempt to offer h a
warm hug but Bob only shrugged him off.
"I don't deserve your sympathy." Bob explained.
"I'm only worried. I know what it's like to have the
person you want so close that you can touch them but
know that they won't take you. And you stay anyway
holding onto that hope that things will change" Jay
said.
If Bob had been less distraught, he might have
noticed that this profound realization came from
someone who was in that position right now.
*And I know you're talking sense/ But I can't forget
about her/ You say I'm good as dead/ If I keep it up
much longer*
And despite all of Jay's warnings Bob would
continue to meet with Amy. For weeks. Weeks that
turned into months. And suddenly it seemed almost as
if things might have actually changed. And that hurt
Jay almost more than seeing Bob's broken heart.
*But I won't believe ya now/ I've gotta check this
out/ An nothing you can say will convince me
otherwise/ You're just trying to be a friend/ I know
the message is well meant/ But none of it does compare
to her eyes*
Until that day in the 3rd month when Bob came home
looking more distraught than on the night of their
first meeting. 
After much prodding Jay finally got Bob to talk.
"Do you know how many men she's been with in these
past 3 months? 16!" Bob said without waiting for an
answer, "And what's worse is that I don't mind. As
long as I pretend it's not there. I don't hate her for
it."
*It may be unwise/ You may be right/ But I don't mind/
I just can't mind/ It may be unwise/ You may be right/
But I don't mind/ I just can't mind*
And Jay would be there to comfort him, for however
long the broken cycle continued.

-End


I really should see a therapist about this whole angst
thing. Or maybe it's just normal. 
Told ya it was sad.