Title: Out of the Rain
Author: Kelandris the Mad
Fandom: View Askewniverse, pre-Clerks
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: Songfic. R for language, some kissing, some sexual 
implications, adult themes. (I laugh every time I type that. Adult 
themes. It's *slash*, fer gossakes. *Of course* it's got adult 
themes.)
Status: Posted to the site February 2002. Written mayhap half a 
year, or less, beforehand.
Archive: Drop me a note and it's yours. And on that note...
Feedback: kel@crazysheep.net
Series/Sequels: First in the WonderWhore series. <gryn!> Odd little 
how-they-met piece. Sequeled by "Can't Afford to Pay the Rent".
Disclaimers: All parts of my fannish being are enriched by the 
presence of Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, Jason Lee, Ben Affleck, and all 
the merry characters at View Askew Productions (including their 
current master, Miramax), save for that pesky financial part of my 
being, which receives no compensation whatsoever for these tawdry 
little tales.
Notes: Still emerging from dark shadow cover. This seemed bright. 
Unfortunately, it led to a massive house-cleaning epic, wherein I 
found a three-page darkfic that I might have to finish. (Don't 
worry, ren. NOT that dark.)
Summary: How Bob met Jay
Warnings: See rating. It's a songfic, so those who run screaming 
from the songfics, run already. Male/male interactions. Jay as 
street punk, Jay as boytoy, Jay as WonderWhore. :> Bob as Science 
Geek. (I even put him in a tie.)

"Out of the Rain"
by Kelandris the Mad


*You and I were meant to be
Even though you don't know me
I don't even know your name
And do you think you know mine?*

Cold here. Cold on the street corner. The boy kept ducking back 
into the alley to get warm, pulling the bottle out of its nest of 
litter, taking a quick swig, and recapping and hiding it again. Then 
he'd rub his hands together briskly, smooth down his flyaway blond 
hair, the tips drifting up in the air, down to his shoulders once 
more. And he'd return to the street, scanning passing cars, smiling 
like he knew the secrets behind all the windows.

Some nights he thought he did. Some nights it all came down to 
dedicated motion. A hip sway, a cockeyed grin, and the doors would 
open, heat would lap at his chilled flesh in long, delicious licks. 
He knew what they wanted. He knew how to give it to them. Pay for 
play, yeah. It worked. It was cash anyway.

Behind him, at the far end of the alley, he heard laughter. He 
peered over his shoulder. The hotel on the other street was hosting 
some kind of convention. He hadn't really bothered to find out which 
one; didn't seem like his crowd at all. Science or some shit. Now, 
insurance conventions, hells, he could make rent five times over in 
one fuckin' *week*. *That* was choice.

Smiling, he walked down the alley, putting his best cat-in-heat moves 
into play. This could be fun. Playing with the young and stupid, 
for once, rather than the old and stupid. Whatever put the cash in 
his hand.

*You were lonely, I was bored
I may be more than you can afford
But I'm sure we'll meet halfway*

A young man in his early twenties ushered his charges together away 
from the entrance to the hotel. He was stocky, draped in a charcoal 
grey trench, a plain white shirt and dark suit beneath that. He wore 
a tie, in some indeterminate shade matching the coat. He smoothed 
his hand over his shoulder-length brown hair, doing a quick head 
count.

Good, everyone was present. He turned his attention to the street, 
scanning it quickly, seeing cabs pulling up. Great, all the vultures 
in New York after them, but not a sign of the van from the Science 
Center. He checked his watch again. No, they were on time. Where 
the hell was the van?

"Robert?"

He turned, looking at what might be this year's winner at the Science 
Center competition. He was small, gawky, with eternally blinking 
eyes and thick glasses in dark rim. Robert smiled. He'd been him in 
high school, for the most part.

"Edward. I know, the van's late--"

"Um, no," he said, shaking his head. "Who's that...guy?" And he 
pointed down the alley.

*And I've got this crazy feeling
You've been trying to get to me
When all you have to do is calmly
Call me, call me*

Mmm, the man in the coat was cuuuute. He watched him as he swiveled 
up, watching other eyes turn his way. And who wouldn't look his 
way? Tight-fitting jeans, hiding nothing, torn in strategic 
locations for a little flash of thigh, a little flash of hip. The 
long, drifting blond hair, hanging loose, begging to be touched. The 
t-shirt, knotted on one side of his ribcage, revealing a little taut, 
pale chest to the shopping eye.

Still the man in the coat hadn't turned, but Jay watched his profile 
avidly. Dark, dark brown hair, cut to his shoulders, and thickly-
lashed eyes, blinking in the winter chill. Close-cropped beard and 
mustache, strong shoulders, strong arms. He shivered a bit, and not 
entirely from cold.

**Fuckin' hells, Jay-boy, you might give him one for *free*!**

*Basic service: sixty bucks
I'll roll the dice, you try your luck
A pair gets me a week in rent
And a straight gets even more*

Bob turned at Edward's comment, and looked over his shoulder. 
Automatically, he put himself between the stranger and the kids he'd 
been hired to watch. He was part past winner of Science Center 
competitions, part mentor and tutor for some of the kids in this 
year's competition, and part bodyguard to make sure nothing happened 
in New York to the group. What the hell, right? It got him a free 
hotel room, free room service, a little folding money for the Apple. 
And, ultimately, it got him away from Trin for a while.

He didn't understand what was happening with her. In the beginning 
it had been fine. She had her girlfriends, he had his guys, and they 
hung out together more often than not. Then for some reason, she'd 
gotten jealous of one of them. He thought it'd been Adam, but 
sometimes she was really bitchy around Aaron, too. He'd tried to 
talk to her about it, but she wouldn't talk. And finally, they both 
stopped talking. What was left to say?

Then this gig had surfaced, and he'd leapt at it willingly. He'd 
been intending to go anyway, he was the most qualified TA at the 
college, and he was teaching a computer class at Leonardo High, which 
was where he'd gone back in the day. 

Funny how memory works: he was remembering going to school, hanging 
out with the hacker grads, trying to get his friends to stop making 
fun of the stoner kids. There'd been this one that he'd even been 
friends with, what was his name...

Then Robert blinked, eyes widening, mouth falling open.

"*Jay?*" he asked, shaking his head.

*I'm no good at playing cards
I hold my dates in high regard
Pay up front and ye shall receive*

Jay flinched a little, wondering how the trick knew his name. He 
shook his head, dispelling the odd sense of familiarity. This was 
New York, after all. After a season, everyone started wearing the 
same face.

He cocked a hip out, stroking the side of his neck absently. He half-
smiled, looking at the man.

"Good guess, baby," he purred. "What else you good at?"

Some of the kids looked shocked. Some of them giggled, looking at 
each other. **Gee, pard, the sheep're nervous, whadda we do now?** 
Jay nearly laughed out loud.

A van pulled up on the main street, and the man looked over his 
shoulder.

"Okay, Everyone in the van."

Some complaints, some shuffling around, but all the kids turned, 
pouring into the van. On closer inspection, it looked like it could 
seat around fifteen. Wild. Slap a mattress in the back of that, and 
he'd fuckin' *own* this town, Jay thought.

Still, it was kinda sad. Going, rent. Going, going...wait a minute.

The man surprised him. He leaned in, talking in a hushed tone to the 
driver, then closed the big side door. The van pulled away, pulling 
into traffic, and was gone. *Beauty*

**Come on down, baby, I'll show you everything you want to see.**

*But love is never in-between
If it's isn't one thing, then
It's always something else*

Robert picked out a handy cab, walking over to it and opening the 
door.

"Get in," he said softly.

The blond smirked. "Y'know, I have a place, it's maybe two blocks 
from here. We could go there..." He sidled up to the man, breathing 
against him. He was a little shorter than he'd expected, so he 
leaned down, nuzzling the side of his neck.

"Mmm..."

Bob froze, telling his brain to step away, telling his brain to push 
the boy aside. Then he had to talk sternly to another part of his 
anatomy, and by then, the blond was licking his ears. Holy fuck.

**Okay, let's get everyone on board here. This could be Jason, man, 
you remember Jason, that little battered kid you used to take care 
of? Bruises on his bruises and what you knew of his history you 
wanted to unremember? This could be *him*!**

There was general agreement on this. Jay chuckled softly, fingers 
moving to the buttons on his shirt.

"Hey! You getting' in or what?"

*I don't even know what I mean
I thought that it was nothing, but now I
Can't find nothing else*

The harsh voice startled both of them, and Bob broke away, pushing 
the blond into the cab. He passed over a twenty to the driver and 
told him the destination. Hopefully, the kids would only be waiting 
a few moments.

He looked over at the blond. The blond turned to face him, angling 
across the seat, smiling. He leaned forward then, fingers reaching 
for his zipper.

Bob slapped his hands away.

"Stop that!" he hissed.

The blond pulled back then, all wounded attitude and aggravation.

"I don't get you, man," he said sullenly. "You don't wanna fuck in 
my pad, you don't wanna fuck in the cab, so where *do* you wanna 
fuck?"

Bob caught the driver's eyes on them, and shook his head, glaring. 
The driver looked away.

"I don't want to... Look, I think I know you."

"Everybody knows me, baby, it's no fuckin' surprise." He looked out 
the window, tracing patterns on the cold glass.

Bob shook his head. "My name's Bob. You don't remember me?"

"Jay," Jay said absently, then turned, looking over his shoulder. It 
was hard to keep thinking of that little boy, curled against his ten-
year-old shoulder, sobbing brokenly over things Bob still couldn't 
quite face. Jay had grown up, in really scary ways, and it seemed 
every move was calculated to draw the eye, to spin him in, to trap 
him in the beauty of those blue eyes, that pale skin... He shook his 
head, and Jay smiled at him.

"What? Lookin's free, man. Everythin' else has a price tag, but I 
am *sure* we can work somethin' out, sweetness."

*Oh, you can't hide
But at least you tried to*

Bob shook his head again. "Come here."

Jay grinned now, moving across the back of the cab. He straddled 
Bob, sinking his fingers into his hair. 

"Now you're talkin', baby!" And he kissed him.

It was electric. Raw jolts of Jay's sexual power coursed through 
him, running to his source. Bob shifted, trying to ease some 
pressure across his suddenly hard erection, but Jay picked up on it, 
grinding his hips against Bob's.

"Fuck yeah," he whispered, breaking for air. "I knew it. You know 
it, too, doncha?"

*Call me, call me
Call me, call me*

Bob shook his head, struck dumb by what he'd felt, but doggedly 
determined to figure out the mystery in his lap. He reached forward, 
unknotting the t-shirt he wore, and Jay looked down, frowning.

"I tell you you could mess with that?"

Bob pushed at him, nearly whimpering when Jay moved off, because he'd 
felt Jay's erection through his jeans, too. Hard. Hard for him. 
All that from one kiss. 

Yeah, he thought, it could be practice, it could be for show, but 
there was something obscurely flattering in that instant response. 
Then he sighed, shrugging out of his coat.

"Put this on," he said.

"Now you're playin' dress-up. You wanna tell me when we get to the 
fuckin'? Maybe I'll just take a nap `til then."

Bob looked down at his hands. Shit, this just kept getting worse. 
It was silent in the cab for a bit, then he looked back at Jay.

"You went to school in Leonardo, right? Used to live on Pinter 
Street?"

"Fuck..." Jay breathed. Then he tightened the coat around him. "Who 
the hell *are* you, dude? How the fuck you know--" 

He shrugged. "I told you. I'm Bob."

Jay looked at him, scowling, then his eyes widened. He opened his 
mouth, and nothing came out. He shook his head and tried again.

"...Bobby?"

*Are you ashamed of what you've done?
All we did was have some fun
I won't judge and I won't tell
And I'll forget you when you've gone*

Then his face wreathed in smiles, his eyes glittering brightly, and 
Bob suddenly had his hands--and lap--full again.

"Holy fuck, old home week right fuckin' here, man! Y'know, I knew it 
when I saw you, there was just somethin' about you..." He nuzzled up 
against Bob again, breathing against his ear and thrusting against 
his cloth-covered crotch. 

"Baby, you grown up so *pretty*..."

"Jay, turn it *off*!"

Jay sat back, blinking. "What?"

"Uh...yer here, man. Science Center." The cabbie's eyes were wide as 
they got out, but Bob just sighed, shaking his head. Figured.

He got out of the cab, pulling Jay with him, and strode to the doors 
of the Center. Right before he would have gone through, he turned on 
Jay. Jay flinched back.

"Okay, you have a hotel room for a night, you have whatever you want 
from room service, *and* you don't have to fuck anyone to get it. 
The catch is you behave in *there*." He pointed at the Science 
Center.

"It's a fuckin' *museum*, man." Jay sneered, staring at Bob like 
he'd lost his mind. 

Maybe he had, he thought, brushing his hands through his hair.

"Maybe you'll learn something," he said softly, dragging him inside.

What followed was twenty minutes that seemed to make no sense on the 
surface, but made all sorts of sense later. He'd reunited with his 
charges, straightening out the ticket situation by claiming theirs, 
and bought one more for Jay. Then they took a shortened version of 
the standard tour, Jay either making snide comments or goggling in 
awe all the way through. By the time they arrived at the exhibition 
hall, the kids hated Jay, Jay hated the museum, and Bob was exhausted 
by it all. 

Then Jay suddenly lit up, walking into the hall. Things whirred in 
the air, things spun on the floor, things spat electrical discharges 
and bubbled and squeaked and hissed. The boys scattered to their 
respective booths, and Bob found a patch of unclaimed wall to lean 
against, breathing a sigh of relief. He realized he was near the 
stage only when Jay grabbed his arm dragging him behind the curtain.

"Jay, I told you, I don't want--"

The blond grabbed him, pulling him close, pulling him into a neck-
crushing hug.

"Fuck," he gasped. "You're Bobby. You're really Bobby."

"Well, Bob," he amended. "Or Robert, if you like." He peered out of 
the curtain, hoping they wouldn't be missed. Then Jay startled him 
again by bursting into tears.

*I pity all you working stiffs,
Living wondering "what if?"
"What if someday I was free?"*

Bob held him, wondering what the hell *this* was going to be, and Jay 
sank in his arms towards the floor, boneless. Bob carefully moved to 
the floor, still holding him, rocking him a little now. His heart 
clenched, painfully, and he swallowed around the sudden knot in his 
throat.

This was Jay, too right. No one but Jay ever cried like that. No 
one clutched him like he was the only real thing in a world of 
shadows.

**No one else has reason to cry this hard,** his backbrain whispered, 
and he nodded.

Finally, Jay pulled away, sniffling. He wiped his nose on Bob's 
coat, and Bob just shook his head.

"Sorry," Jay whispered. "I must look like shit."

"I don't care," Bob whispered back.

"Oh, yeah," the blond said sarcastically. "You really wanna be blown 
by a guy with snot runnin' down his face--"

Bob grabbed his face, holding it and staring sternly into those 
burning blue eyes.

"Get this," he whispered. "You aren't going to blow me. Not now, 
not ever."

"Not unless I wanna," Jay said defiantly.

Bob sighed. "Whatever."

*And I've got this crazy feeling
You've been trying to get to me
When all you have to do is calmly
Call me, call me, call me*

Bob stared at him, and then smiled quirkily. 

"Come home with me."

"You gonna let me kiss you again?"

Bob pursed his lips, swallowing. Then he shrugged.

"Okay."

"All *right*!" Jay cried, scrambling into his lap again. And he 
kissed him until Bob couldn't breathe anything but the oxygen he got 
in sips from Jay, the blond laughing at him all the while.

**What the fuck, right? Bring one stray home, who's it going to hurt?
**

But he thought of Trin's face, and cringed.

END
(Song is Barenaked Ladies' "Call Me Calmly")
*****
Kelandris the Mad
breaking off the sharp corners and calling them mine