Title: Some Days, Ya Gotta Dance
Author: The J, The Kitty, J'Kitty!
Fandom: ViewAskewniverse
Pairing: Jay/Bob
Rating: I'd go for R.... involves language, alcohol use, Jay and Bob bonking, but probably not as graphic as you'd like. :>
Archive: Um. Ok. :D
Feedback: jabinkle@unity.ncsu.edu
Series: This one goes after "Dancing with Myself" hopefully it'll be nice and rounded for a 'Dancing' trilogy.
Disclaimer: I got no money, no boys, no talent, its all Kevin's. Just borrowing 'em for some random-smut.
Notes: Keeping in style with the last story, this one has a song title, but no actual songs (Yay!). The nasty drink which 
Jay concocts is one of my own nasty inventions, and it is indeed foul. Wouldn't recommend drinking it until you wanna be 
drunk in a hurry. There is a Mislead-Jay, a Bad-Math-Jay, and a Bob-Drunk-Rating system. 1, 2, 3, 4, start the fucking story!
4, 3, 2, 1, forget the story, start the fucking! ;)

(Btw, Eudora's 'moodwatch' informs me that the word fucking is very 
offensive. ;))
___

Jay spun on his heel and walked away from Bob. He was stunned beyond belief. Bob knew. It didn't matter _how_ Bob knew, but 
Bob knew. And at this moment in time, Jay realized something very profound. Scientists were right when they said people had 
two halves to their brains.

He knew, because one half of his brain began to gibber "Bob knows." Numbly. The other half began chanting, "Run away". And 
the other half started yelling, "Oh God".

Hey. Wait. That was three halves.

Anyway, he stalked towards the bar, his brain screaming "Bobknows Bobknows Bobknows Bobknows", "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh 
God", and "Run Away, Run Away, Run Away!"

At some point, it became a kind of musical. "Bob knows, Oh God, Run Away". Standing at the bar, Jay suddenly announced, 
"Would you all just shut up!"

Everyone stared at him. He glared at everyone, and requested a pint of gin from the bartender. The stout man slid one his 
way, trying to avoid eye contact. Jay didn't care. He broke the seal, and chugged nearly the whole bottle. Then he retched. 
The stuff was foul, but he needed to get all three halves of his brain to stop thinking so loudly.

They were still gibbering madly at each other, and it was about to drive him wild. He demanded some Surge from the bartender, 
who complied, more than a little frightened. Jay chugged the Surge. Caffiene always helped alcohol.

Maybe, soon, he'd forget that Bob had found out he loved him.

~~~

Bob had developed a rating system for drunks. First, you determined their mood. Were they happy or angry? Next, were they 
horny, or non-horny? For the final component, were they coherent, or non-coherent? You could rate any drunk this way. Bob 
himself, for example, was a happy, horny, coherent drunk. Jay, on the other hand, was an angry, horny, incoherent drunk, 
which was, perhaps, the worst kind to be.

Watching Jay move on the dance floor, he was just a little beyond irate, but not yet bordering on rage. That was good at 
least. Bob had seen Jay take out a guy nearly three times his size while raged up on gin.

~~~

(Approximately a half hour later...)

Jay wandered up to Silent Bob. He was angry as hell. What right did Silent Bob have to judge him for loving him! Friends 
loved each other all the time! Well. They loved each other, they didn't _Love_ each other. But he Loved Bob! And Bob had no 
right to know unless he was told by Jay to know. And... the three halves were silent. Jay wrinkled his forehead, the thought 
process lost for a moment. It was about Bob, he remembered vagely.

Right! Bob couldn't be mad at him because he hadn't been told by him!

Bob was staring at him. He must've been here a while. He tended to do that when he'd been drinking. Just kinda wander up and 
stare at people. That didn't give them the right to be mad, damnit!

Speaking was harder than it used to be. "Bob!"

Bob was looking at him.

"Mnhss, Mad! Nmddf, you, sdbd bastard!"

~~~

Bob sighed. Jay had been nearly screaming at him for a half hour or so. He could only distinguish every third word or so.
And they didn't all seem to fit together. He had an idea that Jay was ranting about lots of different topics, instead of 
just the one.

_Jay is really, really drunk_, Bob thought to himself. As if to prove Bob right, Jay suddenly burped, looked confused, and 
passed out on Bob. _Lovely. Just lovely._

The trip back to the apartment was worse than usual. Jay wasn't heavy, but he was gangly. And just when Bob thought he'd 
managed to fold the bastard up properly, a limb or hair would fall out of Bob's sphere of control, nearly sending both of 
them to the ground.

It was like folding a map, Bob reflected, you could never get it quite the way it was supposed to be. Finally, _Finally._, 
they reached the apartment, and Bob kicked the door open. He tried to maneuver Jay into the apartment, and he could've sworn 
he was being careful but that still didn't dull the !thud! of Jay's head against the door frame.

Bob winced.

Maybe Jay would think he'd fallen and done it himself.

The blow to the head only seemed to wake Jay up. As Bob dumped him on the futon, the blonde blinked and stared vaguely at 
his surroundings. Bob could nearly see the cogs in his head working. He was slowly recognizing their place. Then Jay stared 
at Bob.

Bob braced himself.

~~~

In the after-drunk, Bob was beautiful. He kind of glowed, and his eyes were luminescent and shining. He looked like 
something from a fairy world. Jay stood up and walked over to Bob, staring at him from inches away.

~~~

Jay was about three inches from him staring directly into his eyes. He seemed spellbound by them. Bob hardly dared to blink, 
for fear Jay would mistake them for beetles again and try to squash his head.

~~~

And then Jay was looking at his lips. They were Bob's lips. And he wanted to kiss them. Two of the three halves agreed. The 
other wasn't paying attention. He closed his eyes, and kissed.

~~~

Jay was drunk, and Jay was kissing him. Jay was very drunk, and he tasted of gin and Surge, and he was kissing Bob in 
perhaps the most thorough way he'd ever been kissed before. And Bob was hesitant. He didn't want Jay to suddenly come to 
sobriety and have a spastic attack.

~~~

The third half came out of its dazed stupor and prodded him. It reminded him. Jay broke the kiss reluctantly, sucking Bob's 
lower lip and panting. "How'd you know, Bob? How'd you know I loved you?"

~~~

Had he heard Jay right? Jay didn't seem to want an answer however. Those gangly, awkward limbs became surprisingly supple, 
clever and terrible as they whispered promises to his body. A touch there, a pinch there, pulling, tugging, promising. Bob 
was breathing heavily before his trench was even off.

And then Jay stood up and walked to Bob's door. He looked at Bob, and Bob knew he was forced with a decision. Jay didn't 
look drunk. Jay wasn't angry. Jay was horny. But he wasn't incoherent. Not two out of three. And Bob desperately wanted to 
go.

He stood, and walked into the bedroom. _The die is cast_, he thought grimly. For better or worse.

At the moment, it seemed better. Jay was pulling him to the bed, and those long fingers were exploring and pulling and 
opening and touching. And it was heaven. Bob could scarcely keep up with Jay, but it didn't matter. Jay was happy, so happy. 
And he was sucking and licking and biting. He couldn't protest when Jay climbed on top of him and started kissing his neck. 
When he hit the spot nearly at his jaw, Bob bucked suddenly, and Jay was the very devil, chuckling softly against his skin 
and worrying that spot until Bob was begging him to stop, or to continue, or to do more, or less. When Jay began to grind 
against him, in time with the evil breath against his neck, Bob began to lose his grip on reality. And when Jay nipped the 
spot, and ground against him... it was so excruciatingly beautiful, and his mind was full of light and colors, and he came, 
yelling "Jay!", and saw stars.

When the other man called his name, Jay tensed, and came against him. Bob wiped them both with a discarded towel, and they 
curled up in the bed against each other, both sated, and exhausted, and somehow beyond words.

But right before Jay drifted off, he heard Bob murmur, "That's not what I knew," softly into his ear. And had he not been 
utterly drunken on happiness, he might have cared. But as he was, he did not, and snuggled more closely into Bob.

(TBC)
J'Kitty - Kitty in the Sky with Stoners....