Title: Terra Firma: Battle

Author: Luna "Tic" Vee

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: I don't own jack shit. Everything is owned by other
people. Word.

Warnings: In this chapter: Gal sex, Jay's mouth, gore, 
Python "homages".

Archive: Groovy.

Feedback: Druidess@msn.com

Series/Sequel: Third chapter, Terra Firma.

Summary: Jay and Silent Bob, with the help of their new friends,
escape danger and visit a nearby village to find info on how they got
there.

Notes: Yeah, a little sketchy, a little fast, a little
Liviona/Sylvain-oriented, but I wanted to set up their personalities a
bit. Don't worry, there'll be much more Jay and Bob in the next
chapter. Promise.

More Notes: Hey, we needed something to take our minds off of the
tragedy, so I figgered some chick-sex might help.
***

"Who the hell are they? What the fuck do we do? THOSE SPEARS
LOOK SHARP!" Jay clung to Liviona's arm and shook her lightly,
losing all shreds of pride he once had in the face of this confusing
situation.

"Let go of me," Liviona calmly ordered, and peeled Jay from her arm. 
"Here's what we do. You two run thataway," she pointed eastward. 
"Sylvain, get ready to trip their rides."

Sylvain reached into a nearby tree and pulled a long, green staff from
it. "Check."

Jay and Silent Bob blinked. "How the fuck does she do that shit,
Lunchbox?" Jay asked, to which Bob replied with a shrug.

"Ima charge and distract them, maybe take a few out. Back me up,
Sylv."

Sylvain wrapped her arms around Liviona and planted a soft kiss on
her neck. "Be careful."

Liviona made a purr-like sound and nodded, "I will."

The birds outside were now "kweh"-ing in terror, they stamped their
talons against the grass, trying to get away, but unfortunately for
them, they were hitched tightly to a nearby tree.

Liviona peered between the trees again and squinted, flicking her 
tail. 
"They're close...on the count of five."

Jay and Bob just shrugged and braced themselves to run, clasping
their hands together tightly.

Sylvain readied her staff, "One..."

Liviona unsheathed her sword, "Two..."

Sylvain pushed Jay and Bob to start them running, and cried out,
"FIVE!"

They charged.

***

Jay and Bob ran through the forest, jumping logs, dodging rocks, and
being whipped by branches, as they made their mad dash for safety.

Jay's mind raced with random thoughts and questions. How the hell
did they get there? Who were those two rug munchers? Why the
fuck was he dressed like a chick? Why was Bob so turned on by
those damn panties? Were they really on another planet? Who were
those fucks on those red birds? Why were they running? Why had
he never noticed how good Bob looked with his hair tied back?

Jay blinked, and shook that last question from his head. There was
time for that later. Right now, they had to run, Walt Flannigan's Dog
style.

***

Liviona lept onto her `steed' and easily slashed away the rope binding
it to the tree. She dug her duclaw sideways into the bird's flank and
sent it speeding straight towards the enemy. She twirled her sword in
the air and let out a roar of a war cry as she neared the soldiers.

Sylvain walked into a nearby tree, disappearing from sight, and
reappeared from the waist up from the grass, sticking her staff out. 
Two birds tripped over the rod, sending their riders plowing face-
first
into the ground.

Liviona dove off of her bird and onto the back of one carrying a
soldier. Pressing her sword to his throat, she muttered, "May Laika
save your soul," and slashed his neck wide open. Blood splattered in
the wind and over both their bodies, as the soldier fell limply from 
the
bird and to the ground, staining the rosy-hued grass blood red.

Liviona took the reigns of the bird, ducking a spear jab from a nearby
soldier. She got up, balanced herself, and took a diving swipe at the
soldier, slashing his forearm clean off, dropping to the ground as she
did so. She rolled a few times, got to her feet, and looked to see 
the
damage she'd done. The arm hacked off lay in the grass, blood
gushing from it, ligaments dangling, as the hand still gripped the
spear. She wrenched the spear from the dying hand and narrowed
her eyes, waiting for the soldiers to make their return pass.

The soldier, now missing an arm, let out a pained war cry and
U-turned, looking to trample Liviona, or find some way to make her
pay.

"UWAGH!" came a cry from nearby, as a soldier slammed into the
ground and was gored on another's sword, his bird skidding across
the grass, as Sylvain grinned proudly and pulled herself out of the
ground and to her feet.

The one armed soldier charged full-speed at Liviona, pulling his
sword from its sheath with his only remaining hand...

"What're you going to do? Bleed on me?" Liviona shot with a grin, as
she hurled the spear at the soldier, impaling him through the gut.

"Showoff," huffed Sylvain.

***

By the time Jay and Silent Bob finally stopped running, they had hit
the edge of the forest, and fell over, panting and wheezing, Bob the
worse off of the two.

"You still hear the fighting?" Jay asked, clutching his chest and
coughing.

Bob shook his head `no', as he gasped for air. He was not built for
long-distance sprinting. He wouldn't have been surprised if he
dropped dead on the spot from a heart attack.

A rustling behind them made Jay scream and leap into Bob's arms,
knocking the wind further out of the big man.

"Jeez, he's more of a pussy than you are, Livi!" Sylvain's voice
chimed as she stepped from a tree, holding Liviona's wrist.

Liviona looked frazzled, and her white sarong was splattered in blood,
as well as her skin and fur. A cut on her upper left arm weeped
crimson tears as she winced. "Yeah, yeah, let's just get going,
alright?"

Sylvain sighed, "Yeah, we need to patch you up." She turned to Jay
and Silent Bob. "Come on. You're going to learn how to ride
kikabokos."

"Whoja whatty?" Jay asked with a blink.

Sylvain sighed. "Those pretty birds everyone was riding."

"Oh," Jay replied with an understanding nod. "...What birds?"

***

"UWAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!" Jay screamed as he clung to Sylvain's
waist, his feet flapping in the air, as their kikaboko sped across the
plains. "JANE, STOP THIS CRAZY THING!"

Silent Bob just shook his head, watching his boy's antics as he held
tight to Liviona to keep from miming Jay...

***

"So what the fuck do you call this, anyway?" Jay asked, looking down
at an odd, purple, plant-like thing the girls tried to pass off as 
food.

They had finally arrived in the nearby town of Oslov and had stopped
at the Inn for a bite to eat and lodgings. Sylvain was busy patching
up Liviona's arm while chewing on a pretzel stick-looking piece of
food.

"Ekamoobimuufn," Liviona answered, wincing as Sylvain bandaged
her.

"What the fuck?" Jay replied with a confused blink.

"It's a foreign plant. Weird name, I know. Ow! For the love of 
Laika,
Sylv, don't tie it so tight!"

Sylvain just rolled her eyes and finished up. "Livi, I know this 
sounds
odd coming from me, but...you are such a squiking puss!"

Liviona just glared at Sylvain, and sighed, jamming a fork into the
strange root-like food on her plate and chomping into it. "Anyway,
how on Terra did you two get here?"

Jay chomped on his food, making a face, trying not to show he liked
it. "Beats me bloody with a fuckin' axe. One minute Tubby here is
suckin' my cock off, the next, we're being fucking tentacle raped, 
then
there was this big fuckin' tunnel of light `n' shit, looked like 
something
out of a fuckin' Final Fantasy 9 FMV or some shit! Then bickety-bam! 
We find ourselves face-first in that cunt-coloured unsmokable grass
wearing this faggy prissy gear!"

"I have no idea what you just said," Liviona mumbled with a confused
twitch of her ears.

Silent Bob made a gruff chuckling sound.

"What? You got somethin' to say, Lunchbox?" Jay asked with a glare.

Silent Bob sighed and leaned towards Jay, "I just think it's amusing
that you still use "faggy" as an insult, you brown-humping little 
geek."

Jay shot up, ready to hurt Bob badly for saying something like that so
loudly in a public place, but before he had a chance to act, Bob 
stared
him back down into his seat with those big chocolate browns. Bob
always managed that. Give him The Eyes. No way Jay could hurt
him under the influnence of The Eyes. "You're fucking lucky I love
your cocksucking ass." He let out a huff and folded his arms, a scowl
written across his face.

Silent Bob just shook his head and nuzzled Jay, making him swat at
him. He smiled softly and rolled his eyes. Jay could be such a 
pisser
sometimes...

Sylvain and Liviona let out an "aww," earning a death glare from Jay.

"Wow, if looks could kill, we'd be so almost dead," Liviona remarked
with a grin.

"Fuck you!" Jay spat. "Why the fuck did you come for us anyway? 
We were doing perfectly fine ourselves."

Bob couldn't help but cock an eyebrow, thinking back fondly, and
deciding on what he was going to talk Jay into later that night.

"We saw something fall from the sky in a flash of light, and were sent
to check it out," Liviona replied, chomping another bite off of her
root-food.

"Sent by who?" Jay asked.

"Tatah, our boss," Liviona answered simply.

"Well that fuckin' clears it up perfectly!" Jay sneered.

"Tatah is a wise old Wild Elf who lives in Vile Forest, and knows how
to stop the warring countries by way of a magical artifact known as
the Rainbow Blade. It's a legendary sword with the power to unite
nations and slay evil in any form, no matter how mighty! Tatah felt a
strange disturbance, something fell from the sky at great speed
surrounded in holy light and landed in Fallosynch Forest. Tatah sent
us to investigate, and we found the disturbance to be yous two. 
Hence that brings us to our current situation," Sylvain said, then 
took
a sip of her wine.

"So what's all this shit with warring countries n shit? Who were 
those
dickheads who attacked us?" Jay's interest was thoroughly piqued
now.

"Gorgasia and Faylinn are the two biggest kingdoms on Terra, both
sharing space on this continent, and bordering on eachother. We
have the south, they have the north. An incident involving the
Gorgasian king's daughter, Astrid, and the captain of the guard of
Faylinn, name a' Linnel. The two ran off and got hitched, moved to
the little kindom of Filk on the northern continent. I hear they have
three kids. Anyway, the King Gorgas blamed Faylinn's king, Jeriah,
for the loss of his daughter to less than royalty for no financial or
political gain. Jeriah blamed Gorgas for the loss of his best 
soldier to
his temptress of a daughter. It errupted into fisticuffs and 
eventually,
this war started. Those guys we fought off were Gorgasian Mounties. 
They patrol the mountains nearby on those climbing kikabokos, and
probably came to Fallosynch for the same reason as us. Each
kingdom wants the Rainbow Blade to vanquish the other kingdom
and their troops, thus winning the war and claiming the spoils of
victory. Namely, the defeated kingdom. Anyway, it's getting late, 
and
I'm tired, so me n Sylvie are gonna head on up to bed. Don't stay
down here too long. And don't get plastered. We have lots of
traveling to do in the morning." Liviona finished off her food and
chugged the rest of her ale, then linked arms with the waiting Sylvain
and they disappeared up the stairs to their room.

"Fuck, man. This is fucked up," Jay sighed, taking a swig of his 
ale. 
"Fuckin' shit out of fuckin Dungeons `n' Dragons `n' shit..."

***

"You know, I don't know if we should trust those two. I mean, the 
loud
one was wearing women's clothing, and the silent one looks like a
mage to me..." Liviona mumbled, taking off her plate.

"You worry too much. Those two are telling the truth. I know it,"
Sylvain said, pulling her tunic and gloves off.

"I dunno, sounds kinda farfetched to me..." Liviona pulled off her
white whisp of cloth that she passed off as a shirt, which she wore
under her plate.

"Livi, I can tell that those two aren't lying. I mean, listen to 
their
dialects. That's nothing from our world. And besides, from the way
that Jay kid reacted to the lines about him being with a guy, it's
probably considered wrong where they come from. And you know
that on Terra, it's welcomed, even encouraged. Not to mention the
fact that I've never heard names like theirs in all my days. And the
fact that they'd never heard of the Great War, or kikabokos. As well
as the pure unbridled ease with which they speak. It can't be a lie 
if
it's that fluid." Sylvain stripped off the rest of her clothing, 
save for her
boots, and laid down on the soft downy bed. "Mmm... been a while
since I've slept in a nice bed."

"Eh, I can see your horridly unorganized point, my dear. Besides,
they're still downstairs eating and sampling the local ale," Liviona
made a gesture of guzzling, "so we don't need to worry about them
for now." She stripped off her panties and tossed them aside, then
proceeded to hop on top of Sylvain, growling playfully and flicking 
her
tail from side to side. "And you won't be... sleeping... in this 
nice bed
tonight." She grinned evily and nibbled Sylvain's neck.

Sylvain mewled and tilted her head to welcome Liviona's touch on her
shimmering flesh. "Ohh...Livi, the things you do to me..." she 
giggled
and wrapped her arms around the shoulders of her lover.

Liviona purred and ran her large, long, furry tail over Sylvain's 
legs. "I
know, I'm just that good." She grinned a cheesy grin and giggled,
then went back to her task, slowly moving down Sylvain's neck, to her
chest, nibbling and kissing her way along the soft, sparkling, spring
green skin of her beloved.

Sylvain arched a little to the touches, making little sounds,
encouraging Liviona to continue downwards, as the feline woman
atop her kissed the skin around her right nipple.

Liviona wrapped her lips around Sylvain's deep green nipple, holding
it with her teeth as she let her rough, feline tongue lathe it. 
Satisfaction throbbing in her chest and between her legs as she
listened to the wonderful sounds she was causing Sylvain to make. 
She trailed her fingers down her lover's stomach, making her arch
further up, making her squirm. She then lifted Sylvain's left leg 
into
the air, and ran her tail along it, concentrating on the inner thigh.

Sylvain whimpered. This was killing her. She didn't want Liviona to
let go of her nipple, but the tail on her leg and the fingers on her 
gut
were driving her wild. She could feel the throbbing between her
thighs getting more demanding, as Liviona teased and played with
her other nipple, now biting and sucking on the one still in her 
mouth. 
The pain was sharp, but the pleasure was insane. She let out a cry of
some mixture of the two. Then, suddenly, the hot, wet mouth was
gone from her nipple, the other hand also gone. Sylvain opened her
eyes and looked to see what was going on, grinning at the sight she
beheld.

Liviona knelt on all fours between Sylvain's spread legs. She was
looking the Dryad up and down, focusing her attention especially on
her soaked, soft lips, glistening and ready. She grabbed Sylvain and
dragged her to the edge of the bed, and got off, and onto her knees
on the floor. She grabbed her lover's legs, feet still clad in 
boots, and
set them around her, the boot heels against her back.

Sylvain shot straight up into a sitting position, letting out a cry, 
as
Liviona started roughly licking her clit, the feline tongue adding a
small element of pain to the rush of pleasure. "Holy mother of 
Terra! 
Ohhh...oh Livi... Oh Terra, that feels, ohh..." She laid back down 
and
arched her haunches towards Liviona's face further, digging her boots
into the feline's back.

Liviona purred, listening to the lovely moans leaving Sylvain's lips. 
She let out a groan herself, relishing the boots digging hard into her
back.

"Harder, harder!" Sylvain cried, digging her boots harder into 
Liviona's
back, fisting her hands in her lover's soft, purple hair, letting out 
little
gasps and cries as Liviona licked harder and faster, making her
tremble.

Liviona slipped two fingers into Sylvain as she lapped at her, 
reaching
down and rubbing her own clit as she listened to the sounds Sylvain
made, the boots digging at her back adding levels upon levels to the
experience. Everytime Sylvain twitched and dug her heels HARD,
Liviona nearly came. Her beloved, not even knowing it, hit the right
spot each time.

Sylvain whimpered, begging for more, so Liviona gave it to her. She
grabbed a nearby feather pillow, lifted her lover's haunches, and laid
the pillow down, lowering her atop it to raise her hips. Liviona
stopped lapping Sylvain's clit and moved down a little, probing her
with her rough tongue, listening to the wonderful sounds her beloved
made.

"Ho-lee SHIT! Fuckin' lesbian shit goin' on! Shit, Silent Bob, we've
hit the fuckin' JACKPOT! Nagga nooch!" Jay stood in the doorway,
eyes wide, mouth open, drooling, and visibly stiff under his skirt. 
Bob
just shook his head as if to apologise.

Sylvain and Liviona both let out a scream, grabbed the nearest
blanket, and covered themselves with it. "What the SQUIK are you
doing in here?" Liviona hissed.

"Just came up to see what all the noise was about, and we got a free
fuckin' show! Boong, this is the shit!" Jay nudged Bob and wiggled
his eyebrows.

Sylvain let out a cry, got up, shoved the stoners into the hallway, 
and
slammed the door. "LITTLE PERVERT!"

Liviona cocked an eyebrow. "Harmless, huh?"

"Quiet, you."

***