Title: Told Myself I Was Going To
Author: Kelandris the Mad
Fandom: View Askewniverse
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: PG-13 at best
Status: New
Archive: Yes if you let me know
Feedback: kel@crazysheep.net
Series/Sequels: One-shot
Disclaimer: What Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes don't know I'm doing to 
their alter egos won't hurt them. I make no money on this, all 
characters belong to Kevin Smith and View Askew.
Notes: Written on the fly because damn it, I needed to start writing 
again.  And starla...make it all better somehow?  I broke a promise 
to me for this one.  And I'm all waaah.
Summary: Jay wonders about the heavy shit.
Warnings: Boy kissing.  Language.  That's really it.
Dedication: For starla and ren and Charles, for keeping me going, 
even when you don't know that's what you're doing. :)  And weirdly 
enough, for the twitlet, giving me pride in my fandom back.  (Not 
that it ever really left.)

"Told Myself I Was Going To"
by Kelandris

**There's only so much a boy can take...**

**Shut the fuck up.**

Jay squinted his eyes shut, thinking.  They were just leaving the 
mall, planning on going over to the Quik Stop, pick up some late-
night sales before Randal got on his high fucking horse and chased 
them off the lot again.  Weren't a lot of cars out, and they'd timed 
it so the bus was just fucking pulling away as they walked to the 
stop.

**Only so much--**

**Shit.**

"Motherfuck," Jay hissed aloud, stomping his cig flat.  He looked 
around, shaking his head.  "Brother can't get a fuckin' *break*, 
man."  He stared at Bob, silent as usual, and gestured impatiently 
for another cig.

Like he didn't have his own fucking pack in his jacket pocket, 
but...damn...he just wanted one of Bob's.

**Yeah, and you know why, baby, you know *exactly* why, you arrogant, 
fucked-up, drugged-out little piece of--**

**SHUT UP! FUCK!**

Silent Bob, shorter than Jay but twice as imposing, most days, stared 
at him for a long moment, then shrugged.  He silently shook a 
cigarette from his hard pack, lighting it with a facile click-snap of 
his Zippo.  He inhaled briefly, making sure it caught, and then 
handed it to Jay.

Jay stared at it for a moment, thinking.  **Almost like kissin' him, 
huh?** his backbrain said.  Traitorous bitch.  He coulda been smoking 
all this time, but nooo...his brain's gotta keep chiming up with this 
shit.

**Yeah, but what about kissing him?  You told yourself you were going 
to--**

**So fucked here, so massively fucked...an' what'd I tell you about 
shutting the fuck up?**

There was a suspicious sound of an interior giggle, too close to 
Randal's for comfort.

**But you *wanna*, Jay, you know you *wanna*, and you keep pushin' it 
away, you're gonna be *jonesin'* for it then, and then whaddaya do?  
Back on the hard stuff to forget about it?  Back on the stuff that 
nearly got you killed the last time?  Remember the last time?  Last 
time you wanted to kiss the boy and you.  Wouldn't.  Do it--**

"SHUT UP!" he screamed, slapping his hands over his ears, which was 
just five shades of fucking stupid, right, 'cos that fucking voice 
was comin' from *inside* the head, not outside.  And there Bob was, 
lookin' all concerned and shit.  Fuck.  Fuck.

"Fuck this," he hissed, and grabbed Bob, pulling him close.  He only 
had time to register Bob's large Yu-Gi-Oh eyes before he closed in, 
capturing his lips.  Tickle of hair against his lips, weird, weird as 
fuck, but the lips...they were softer'n a girl's, and...oh, fuck, so 
*warm*.

An'...shit, Bob wasn't pushin' him away or nothin'.  He was 
just...standing there.  Hands at the sides and Jay shivered, knowing 
he was gonna stop and get clocked for bein' stupid again.  Always 
fucking happened.  Always fucking happened, always got hit, nobody in 
his entire fucking life ever *not* hit him until fucking Bob came 
along...and...

Jay licked his lips nervously, and Bob's lips parted under the tip of 
his tongue.  Just like that.  He heard someone moan, and knew it 
wasn't Bob's voice, and got momentarily confused.  Snapped right back 
to reality, though, when Bob's tongue snaked forward, licking at his 
teeth.

Another shiver, another moan, and that was *his* fucking voice, oh, 
shit, he was *such* a pussy for this shit...

But then Bob's hands were in his hair, pulling him closer, and, God, 
he could almost identify the flavors of the last six jellybeans Bob'd 
had, and, and...

**Jay?** he heard.  Distantly, but clear, like hearing the church 
bell go off downtown or Trish yell across the mall.  Clear as fucking 
laser-shine, and who the hell was *that*??

He pulled away, blinking hard, shaking his head.  He looked at Bob.  
Bob looked back at him.  And he heard...something...again.

He closed his eyes, swallowing, but he didn't hear anything anymore.  
Wait.  Bob hadn't hit him yet.  What--?

The big, brown eyes were back on his again, once he looked back at 
Bob, and he gulped.  He stared, stared hard, and almost knew the 
question.  Hints of gold and green around the iris and...he *knew*.  
Just like that.

**Jay?" he heard again.  Shit.  Fuck.  It was *Bob*.

"What?" he whispered.  Blinking.  This was fuckin' Dead Zone 
material.  Shit.  Space aliens were next, he fuckin' knew it.  

Motherfuckin' tubby seemed calm enough, though.  'Course, when wasn't 
he?  Most of the time, anyway...

Wait.  There it was again.

**So...what'd you kiss me for?**

"Tol' myself I was gonna.  So I did."

He stood, hips jutting forward, hands clenched into fists.  Waiting.  
Sneer slowly forming.  It was coming, he knew it, it was coming, an' 
then Bob was walking away, just like fucking everybody, every 
*fucking* body in his life, always fucking left, and he knew it, he 
knew he shouldn't'a risked it, but he couldn't *not*, and...and...

Bob was staring at him.

"What?"

"Okay."

Jay blinked.  *Okay??*  He'd actually said...*okay*??

"Okay?" he repeated, his voice very small.

Bob nodded.

Just for a moment, the blond stood there, thinking it all through.  
Then he shuddered, shaking his head, unclenching his fists.

"C'n I do it again?"

Bob nodded.  Held out his arms.

**C'mere.**

"Yeah..."  He moved into the circle of those big arms, pressed 
against the belly he'd had wet dreams about, and looked down, knowing 
he was grinning like an idiot.  And he didn't fucking care.

"This is cool...right?"

Bob nodded again.

"So...we're good?"

Bob nodded.

"Friendship of legends," he said solemnly.

"Jedi motherfucker."

**That was Superman,** Bob 'said', turning them to walk down the 
alley.

"I knew that."

**Of course you did.**

END
*****************
Kelandris the Mad
burn your bridges down