Title: Tubby Bitch
Author: HMC
Email: hmcgirl@earthlink.net
Pairing: J/SB
Disclaimer: I own precious few things: a can of EZ cheese, some cola, 
a cookie, this lap-top.... but not Jay, Silent Bob or any creation of 
Kevin Smith's. Damn. 
Rating: PG-13. 
Notes: I think Kevin Smith is HOT. My sister said, "Ewwww, he's so 
fat, why do you like him???" And I got so pissed.
Summary: Just a short little fic to prove that there's someone for 
everyone in the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Jesus, you *are* a tubby bitch,' Bob thought to himself sometime 
during the course of a hot shower. He'd been thinking about his 
weight, his looks, this overweight lump he called a body and being 
generally disgusted with himself. A few minutes ago the scale had 
told him (and Bob was convinced that the evil little bastard scale 
took pleasure in doing so) he was now officially 245 pounds. A trim 
245. FUCK!

He hated being overweight. But he'd been that way since he was a 
little Silent Bobby, eating marshmallows and candy bars when his 
parents weren't around, which led to the subsequent trips to the 
"Little Big Boy" clothes store. He fuckin' hated going there. His 
mother insisted he was just "very healthy".

Soon Bob saw through that, as he got into teen years. Girls refused 
to go out with him, boys made fun of him; the gym teacher tormented 
him.... What the hell was so great about being able to climb a fuckin' 
rope!?? He hated High School. Evil, smug, hateful bastards. 

And now.... little had changed. He was overweight; he didn't consider 
himself good looking. Not really. As he climbed out of the shower, 
he wrapped a towel around his waist, and the memory of shopping around 
to find a towel big enough to go all the way around his gut had been 
embarrassing. Stepping up to the mirror, he examined his face with a 
critical mind. First thing he noticed was that fuckin' bald spot. 
Tiny, not even a bald spot, but just a circle on his head that had 
only wisps of hair. Staying on that line of thought, he considered 
going out and getting a haircut. What was he, going on 31 now? Maybe 
it was time to get a more clean-cut look.... he thought about it for a 
while as he towel dried his hair, brushing it out, cringing at the 
number of hairs that came back on the brush. At least he wasn't 
graying. That would suck.

Reaching over, he snagged his contact lens case and slipped them in, 
blinking away the initial sting. His eyesight wasn't too good, and 
damned if he'd be caught wearing glasses. Why, at this moment, did he 
feel so ugly? With now clear vision, he looked at his reflection for 
a while, gradually feeling more sorry for himself. "Tubby bitch...." 
He mumbled, turning for the door.

When he opened it, he found Jay standing outside, waiting for his turn 
in the shower. The blond man leaned against the wall, gazing at him 
as he walked out.

Bob stopped in his tracks, still dripping. "What?"

Jay only smiled a lazy, happy smile. "You are so fucking *hot*, Bob." 
He landed a kiss on Bob's lips and moved a damp tendril of hair off 
the larger man's cheek. With that, he entered the bathroom, closing 
the door behind him.

Yeah, he was pretty damn good-looking, wasn't he?


THE END